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Riku114 说 …
I hate dealing with trauma ngl, a lot of the time it is waaaaayyy easier to sit behind long establish disconnect from shitty experiences and let it fester until it ruins your life than it is to actually go through the hell of re-experiencing and facing the reality of shit. 发布 ·6个月前
2ntyOnePilots 评论…
^ ·6个月前
J_E_T 评论…
Trauma 松鸦, 杰伊, 杰伊 · and riku are stronger than 你 think fuck off and stop trying 你 bitch. ·6个月前
Riku114 说 …
Being alone and being lonely are two entirely different things. 你 may be surrounded 由 others, but do 你 truly consider any of those people your friend?  发布 ·8个月前
Riku114 说 …
I am honestly glad to be a mental health guru and wizard for a lot of people and it makes me happy to be able to help as many people as I do. It makes me really happy and honestly its one of the things that helps keep me grounded to the world and thus I almost actively seek it out at this point.

But honestly, sometimes I wish I had someone who could be a mental health guru / wizard for me at times. Often times I know if I were to talk about my problems, they'd either go ignored 发布 ·8个月前
Riku114 评论…
或者 few would be able to say anything to help 或者 assist 或者 comfort me. I've kinda grown painfully aware that for a lot of this, I am kind of out here on my own figuring out how to make things work, and even within therapists and psychiatrists, few do much help as much as discussion and mutual planning at this point. ·8个月前
Riku114 评论…
I am not upset 由 any means that the amount I put out to people to help them and what I receive back are not equal, to be honest thats just the way it is with rare and kinda severe mental health issues and I've grown used to and accept it. To be honest, if anything, it is one of the reasons I want to reach out and help people as much as I can ·8个月前
Riku114 评论…
I figure if I have to go through all the work of figuring out how to maneuver therapy, recovery, mental health, and all that with little people to guide me 或者 help me, I can at least use my struggle and the knowledge I got from it to leave a 面包 crumb for others to follow ·8个月前
Riku114 评论…
Admittedly, I really don't know half of what I am doing 或者 if I am doing it right when it comes to my mental health, and I just go off of what seems best with the infomration I have at hand and its done me well, but if I could one 日 figure a way to a good life and if I could leave that 面包 crumb trail I took to get there for people to follow, then I suppose at least in a way that my struggle was actually worth it ·8个月前
LuceOfTheLight 说 …
I would like to say that I am 由 no means planning to hide the fact that I am an alter of Riku's as much as I would prefer to be treated and respected as an individual.

With that being said, Riku and myself have a stern policy that anything that one alter does reflects on the whole system. If Riku causes problems, then it is both her and my responsibility to handle it. Likewise, if I upset you, it is both our responsibilities to handle it. 发布 ·8个月前
LuceOfTheLight 评论…
While we do identify separately, we are a single unit possessing a single body and a single brain and thus are responsible for everything done as a system. I do apologize if issues to arise regarding myself 或者 Aderis 或者 even Riku, and we take full responsibility. So if anything regarding this becomes a problem, please be patient while Riku and I (hopefully eventually Aderis as well) figure it out ·8个月前
LuceOfTheLight 评论…
I figured that it would be beneficial for me to interact outside of the system 更多 often and the only reason I am currently being as active as I am is because I do not know the 下一个 time I will be out. ·8个月前
LuceOfTheLight 说 …
Per request I am now having a Sakamoto icon. 发布 ·8个月前
Riku114 说 …
Anyone ever sit there and realize 你 are so fucked up and fucked over that 你 probably shouldn't even be alive 由 any logical standard? 发布 ·9个月前
Riku114 评论…
I'm proud to be alive despite it all, but really... I am so fucked up its hard to imagine. ·9个月前
Lusamine 评论…
Pain is beauty. If anything, this makes 你 a stronger and wiser person, 更多 suitable to thrive than any other. Take it as a compliment. ·9个月前
LuceOfTheLight 评论…
It is how things are for some like us. All 你 can do is as Lusamine alluded to. Let the pain and suffering make 你 a stronger wiser person. Nothing can really change the past and all 你 can do is 移动 前锋, 期待 making the best of the hand 你 were dealt. ·8个月前
Riku114 说 …
>tfw 你 are being a #sadboi over something DID related that is so deep into it that it sounds ridiculous if 你 were to share it

It not that bad, Im just being kind of down and frustrated and mopey but its just a me problem tbh. >.> 发布 ·9个月前
Riku114 说 …
It is almost funny how clear cut and obvious it is that my Trichotillomania picks up 40x when I am at 首页 and around my family a lot.

When I'm at college, Ill typically only pluck in small amounts that are negligible and have maybe one large session of plucking every couple weeks 或者 so. It lets them grow decently before being plucked and thats actually pretty good compared to the past

I come back 首页 and every 日 that I'm around them I pretty much start blank. 发布 ·9个月前
Riku114 评论…
Its really really bad to be honest. When I'm 由 myself I barely pluck, when I am with Kendall I near to never pluck, when I am 首页 and around my parents, I pluck daily even if I don't want to ·9个月前
J_E_T 评论…
If your parents are around just look at them and say to yourself my beautiful hair is too damn sexy to give a shit about this. ·9个月前
Riku114 评论…
XD I know but I wish it was like that. My amygdala just responds regardless XD ·9个月前
Riku114 说 …
Yooo guys back from my trip XD 发布 ·9个月前
J_E_T 评论…
Miss your company...did 你 had fun? xD ·9个月前
TheLefteris24 评论…
Welcome back! Hope 你 had a great time !!!! ·9个月前
Riku114 评论…
Yeah it was XD ·9个月前
_Aderis_ 说 …
I am the Roast Queen. To add to that I am also the Sass 皇后乐队 but I prefer the Roast 皇后乐队 thank 你 very much. 发布 ·9个月前
Riku114 说 …
Happy Fathers 日 to everyone and for those who don't have a father figure in their life 或者 a good one, I'll adopt 你 :v 发布 ·9个月前
Riku114 说 …
Man I need a new 图标 but I havent been super attached to anything as I've been focusing on my finals and getting the fuck 首页 that I really haven't had enough stable free time to just like... chill and read my mangaor anything XD 发布 ·9个月前
Riku114 评论…
I guess Ill settle with this handsome boy for now ·9个月前
Riku114 说 …
Trauma resurfacing from thin dissociaitve walls and bubbling back up in a PTSD sense sucks. Its probably my lightest unprocessed trauma and it fucking sucks.

I can literally be having a good 日 then one word 或者 one image and flick there goes my brain trying to give me a flashback and crap

Kms, not really but still. 发布 ·9个月前
Riku114 说 …
ONE FINAL DOWN THREE TO GO 发布 ·9个月前
Riku114 说 …
I honestly cant wait to be 首页 in a little over a week man. 发布 ·10个月前
LuceOfTheLight 说 …
Riku says I have to make my 图标 Sakamoto. 发布 ·10个月前
Riku114 评论…
FFF Dont call me out :v I didn't even notice this was here :vvv ·9个月前
TheLefteris24 评论…
你 really should !!!! ·9个月前
Riku114 说 …
Honestly a lot of the times my detachment from a lot from the world and what not serves me alright and sometimes well to reaching my goal and not getting bothered 由 the small things in life, but sometimes, often times, it can get to the worse either when it feels like the world is too far separate from me 或者 when I feel like this is a secondary world and like I've been detached and disconnect from the world I actually belong in. 发布 ·10个月前
Riku114 评论…
Sometimes its a weird feeling. Its like being homesick from a sense of reality / world that 你 don't even really know. ·10个月前
_Aderis_ 说 …
Also I added my responses to some of the DID Alter Q and A 发布 ·10个月前
_Aderis_ 说 …
I'm going to compromise and post here just saying that sometimes I feel like I want to use my own account. It's a fine line to walk though, between freaking Riku out and between holding myself back from saying something 'mean' 或者 'rude' 或者 'improper' that might soil some of Riku's image.

Out of respect for her I try to stay out of the picture but 你 know~

I like to have my fun as well.

Besides, if Lucille can post a thing 或者 two I sure don't see why I can't post an innocent post. 发布 ·10个月前
_Aderis_ 评论…
Also hi Riku. Bet this is spookin ya but I want some fun as well. I'm behaving, don't worry about it. Buh bye, that is all. ·10个月前
_Aderis_ 评论…
For those that aren't Riku feel free to friend me and message me 或者 whatever. I don't particularly care and I'll reply like.. whenever I front and feel like it. Maybe that'd be a week, maybe a month, who knows. Not my problem tbh. ·10个月前
_Aderis_ 评论…
Buh bye bitches and hoes. (I am mandated to state that I do not actually think 你 are bitches 或者 hoes since apparently I am 'accidentally mean' a lot.) ·10个月前
Riku114 说 …
I am thoroughly attacked. I started watching Sakamoto Desu Ga and this is such a direct parody of myself and my social experience in highschool that it hurts.

I have been parodized 发布 ·10个月前
Riku114 说 …
"DID pathologizes one of the coolest and amazing ways of exploring your mind"

Yeah, its so cool to have a personality that regularly gets in the way of your interpersonal relationships, one that is actively suicidal and distorted horribly with depression and trauma, and one that literally does nothing but belittle 你 and poke at your largest insecurities.

Its very cool and very fun and very amazing. 发布 ·10个月前
Lusamine 评论…
Anybody who romanticizes mental illness is an absolute tool. ·10个月前
Riku114 评论…
Pfft right? ·10个月前
Riku114 说 …
Imma stream at about 2 PM PST (1.5 hours from this point) if 你 guys are interested. 发布 ·10个月前
Riku114 说 …
Ya know I honestly sometimes get a bit blown away when I think about the people that have claimed that I've helped them both online and offline. Often I don't really consider myself all that great and like... just kind of a pain in the 屁股 of burden with how much baggage I can carry with me as someone to get to know, but then I have to double take and I realize I've really helped a good few people and it just sometimes doesn't sound real to be honest 发布 ·10个月前
Riku114 评论…
Like if there was an alternate reality where I never existed, so many lives could have been different and worse and I really don't like to toot my own horn and I really don't mean to since I'm just kind of shocked and find it a bit hard to digest ·10个月前
Riku114 评论…
I dunno, its just hard for me to 包, 换行 my head around the idea that I am ACTUALLY a good person 更多 than anything. ·10个月前
Riku114 评论…
Like... I'm not a BAD person, but the idea that I am "not a good person" has been a bit of a well known "fact" of my identity for a while that its just kind of hard for me to like be like??? I've helped people??? And I'm kind of caring??? Even when all the evidence shows that I do care about people and have done a lot 更多 than I am required to do ·10个月前
Riku114 评论…
And its like???? Wow??? ·10个月前
Riku114 说 …
Media depiction of DID

Alter: We gotta kidnap and kill them. I want to kill everyone. Stab them - Imma take over and kill them

Reality

Me: Maybe I should have a bit of soda with this popcorn

Lucille: I want tea.

Me: I am not walking out in the rain again to get tea. 你 can come out and make 茶 if 你 really want it 发布 ·10个月前
Riku114 评论…
Admittedly, this is like XD There is a lot of work and shit that goes into it, but like XD Its just a meme I had like three 秒 以前 :v ·10个月前
Riku114 评论…
FYI Lucille is a 茶 addict ·10个月前
Riku114 说 …
Randomly being able to hear your suicidal alter having some sort of an episode is hard shit. Like, its not emotions and feelings and thoughts that I myself feel like are my own and it is fine, but just constantly hearing "I am so tired of being alive. I am so tired of this existence." and so on and so forth is just... its not easy.

I'd get like "Oh I think shes done and I managed to relax" and then another line will whisper out of no where and itd be square one again. 发布 ·10个月前
Riku114 评论…
I'm just kind of waiting for it to pass and for her to go back to being silent. It kind of sucks because I really can't communicate back so I'm just kind of sitting here listening to it randomly appear ·10个月前
Riku114 说 …
嘿 dudes, for Mental Health Awareness 月 I might try to post a few versions of DID 问题 and answer them myself and IF any of my alters come out and are willing to add their thoughts Ill let them :v 发布 ·11个月前
Riku114 说 …
Public Service Announcement Kiddos

Take your medication. 发布 ·11个月前
Riku114 说 …
GUYS ITS ALMOST MAY

MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS MONTH

Maybe Ill do something XD 发布 ·11个月前
Riku114 说 …
It is a good feeling when your old friend 你 had a bit of a really problematic friendship with messages back giving proper closure to the friendship's end and apologizing for some of the behavior in the time and ya know.

As someone who had a lot of codependent 老友记 left hanging, its a good feeling man. :feelsgoodman: 发布 ·11个月前
Riku114 说 …
Imma ramble about some just 随意 DID stuff I've been thinking about lately and its nothing important so dont bother too much with this unless 你 are reaaaaallly bored but anyways here I go 发布 ·11个月前
Riku114 评论…
So like, there is this thing that apparently a lot of people with DID have that I know I KINDA have and that I USED To have back when I thought I just had an overactive imagination and what not called "inner worlds" where the alters can manifest and occasionally interact and what not and sometimes they are actually kinda like big environments and what not ·11个月前
Riku114 评论…
Also since I KNOW at least one of them checks my 潮流粉丝俱乐部 when he is out sometimes, yes this is at 你 :v :v :v Fight me and don't use my account to redact 或者 revise what I am saying here :v this is completely valid for me to post on here :v ·11个月前
Riku114 评论…
inb4 he doesnt front anytime soon and this post just gets 迷失 in time ·11个月前
Riku114 说 …
Oh 嘿 dude! I have a 最佳, 返回页首 Contributor thing now on my club's 首页 page! Thats actually pretty cool XD 发布 ·11个月前
Riku114 说 …
Its kind of nice being 首页 and what not. I get some good time with my fiance and I can kind of relax and pull the breaks a bit. Its pretty good - 给 my middle sister isnt also 首页 发布 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
你 know a lot of 你 guys are actually like a genuine family to me 更多 than yall probably think 你 all probably think XD

Cause "Riku" is actually a personality that is of a system that didn't exist - 或者 at least didn't firmly 分裂, 拆分 / solidify - before 潮流粉丝俱乐部 existed. I'm really an existence that was 'born' here and figured herself out on here so a lot of me quickly kind of 'grew up' and 'developed' around 你 guys like one would with family 发布 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
Google: Did I really recover from my depression 或者 did I just dissociate from it? 发布 一年多以前
2ntyOnePilots 评论…
Ohhhh man. Relatable 一年多以前
2ntyOnePilots 说 …
Ok so... I hav3 a 问题 that may seem ignorant, but truth is I just can’t remember most o& the distinguished details. What ways are Borderline Personality Disorder and Dissociative Identity Disorder different? 发布 一年多以前
Riku114 评论…
As someone who technically has both (one of my alters is BPD where as I myself is debatable on it) I can explain XD 一年多以前
2ntyOnePilots 评论…
Ok thx sm. That’s so interestin. (Sounding like my mum but fuck it lol) a Definitely clears it up 一年多以前
Riku114 评论…
Aye drop 由 any 问题 XD 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
;-; Headache and fatigue for two days in a row ;-; 发布 一年多以前
2ntyOnePilots 评论…
Awe man, I feel that. Get some rest + take care. ❤️ 一年多以前
GDragon612 评论…
all the best for 你 ma Rikubun, take care and get well soon!! 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
I lowkey 爱情 that the 日 I go to screening with Neurology to make sure there is no physiological reasons I have memory and identity issues is Dissociative Identity Disorder Awareness Day

The 日 my diagnosis will be pretty solid XD 发布 一年多以前
Riku114 评论…
Inb4 "Oh looks like 你 just have a brain tumor" 一年多以前
Riku114 评论…
Update: Yeah I am physiologically solid so its probably just dissociation. Big shock XD 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
Honestly if any of 你 guys have any 问题 on DID I am good for answering. XD I appreciate 问题 发布 一年多以前
2ntyOnePilots 评论…
I have a question. Did 你 ever finish the 文章 你 wrote, and where might I find it? 哈哈 一年多以前
Riku114 评论…
I got it MOST ways done but got distracted XD I need to finish it its still on my 列表 of things to do but man my mental health has been taking up a lot of time XD 一年多以前
Riku114 评论…
I am actually getting into the nit and gritty stuff of DID and its quite interesting and very tiresome XD 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
One of these I should work on explaining just how important and why Akashi is such a big thing for all of us. 发布 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
Also still happy I get to train Lefteris in the way of Kuroko no Basket. Soon there will be someone caught up enough to understand my lord and savior Akashi Seijurrou 发布 一年多以前
Economnomnomics 评论…
Glad to see someone joining the cult. How could 你 forget about me, Riku. 一年多以前
Economnomnomics 评论…
Just because I'm inactive doesn’t mean I'm dead 😵💀 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
Man I had a four 日 weekend but dude I still have a lot of stuff to get done 发布 一年多以前
2ntyOnePilots 评论…
^ 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
There are pretty much like three ways to know when Im MAJORLY dissociating and possibly switching personalities

1) A LOT of face touching. If Im rubbing my face a lot and/or blinking heavily, Im probably dissociating and its habitual touching in attempt to like "clear my eyes" and focus in

2) I 太空 out into absolutely no where

3) I lower my head into my hands 或者 arms 或者 away from sight and towards the ground and take irregular breaths. 发布 一年多以前
TheLefteris24 评论…
I see. That is pretty interesting to know. Have been curious about the signs !!!! 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
Holy shit I just realized Ive been worshipping Akashi for like four 或者 five years now 发布 一年多以前
TheLefteris24 评论…
Happy 4th-5th Anniversary of Worshipping then !!!! 一年多以前
simrananime 说 …
Joined^^ 发布 一年多以前
Riku114 评论…
Aye sweet 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
My little boy bird is a big boy now ;-; I raised him since he was a chick and my mom caught him fucking one of the females XD Shes the one Im taking to college and have shipped him with for ages so like... Im not upset and its rather normal for birds especially during this season XD

But man hes a grown boy now. I remember when he was like... a centimeter big and just a little baby chick. 发布 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
That feeling when 你 were so dissociated for two to three months and constantly AT BEST half present that 你 THOUGHT 你 were fully present for some parts cause 你 forgot what it was like to be alone in your head / got used to it

Like for the first time probably since Ive come to college, its been just me - no Lucille 或者 Aderis - and HONESTLY it feels GOOD baby. 发布 一年多以前
Riku114 评论…
Like.... when 你 have 更多 than one present up in the front and are dissociated, 你 cant really get into life and do exactly what 你 want to do regularly. 你 cant REALLY perceive all your emotions 或者 your needs 或者 the world around 你 cause even if 你 are semi-present, its like there is an overload and 你 only get half of whats being picked up. 你 are kind of stuck at a skin deep level 一年多以前
Riku114 评论…
Its so peaceful to just have a few days to myself for once and actually feel the world again and oh man. #FeelsGoodMan 一年多以前
Riku114 评论…
Imma kick back and enjoy this weekend 一年多以前
TheLefteris24 评论…
Once again, I'm really happy to see 你 like this. As I said, make the most of this feeling, Rikubun !!!! 一年多以前
heart
GDragon612 说 …
Party finally Rikubun got the 100
btw thanks to Nomy yeah!!!
opens a huge bottle of champaigne and Juice
throwe confetti
drunk now xD
Party hard =D

congrats ma Rikubun💗 发布 一年多以前
Riku114 评论…
Thanks XD 一年多以前
GDragon612 评论…
ya welcome XD 一年多以前
GDragon612 评论…
throws 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
"I honestly just see myself 更多 of a character than anything else. To be honest, I learned most of my actions and who I am from 日本动漫 characters that I liked." ~ Me like.... three 或者 four years ago

Still honestly not inaccurate, but the degree I saw myself a vessel to write and create a story in rather than to live in was interesting. I wouldn't go and say I dont view it that way anymore, but its much less severe if 你 were to ask me. 发布 一年多以前
heart
GDragon612 说 …
just one 更多 粉丝 then 你 got 100 fans
then I open a champaigne yeah(for non alcoholics 果汁 =3) 发布 一年多以前
GDragon612 评论…
hwaiting*-*<3 一年多以前
GDragon612 评论…
will open<<< 一年多以前
Riku114 评论…
NOMY MADE THE 100! HALELLUJAH 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
MY FIANCE 说 I CAN MAKE HIM WATCH KNB WHEN WE ARE LIVING TOGETHER YAS 发布 一年多以前
TheLefteris24 评论…
Yeee! One 更多 person has been added to the KnB Gang !!!! 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
Me: Man I never write 文章 anymore. I still have like three 或者 four half completed 文章 to do. Im so lazy man. Why am I always so tired and not in the mood for 写作 and explaining things when I remind myself of my articles?

Me: *working on a website to build and explain an entire fictional world with races and classes and cities and functions* *writes easily over a thousand 或者 two on the website whenever shes bored enough to do it*

Me: Man I never write. 发布 一年多以前
Lusamine 说 …
Joined! 发布 一年多以前
Riku114 评论…
Welcome! 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
Im still upset Ill never be able to be someones gay boyfriend 发布 一年多以前
Lusamine 评论…
I know, I was sad too. 一年多以前
Riku114 评论…
;-; 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
Sometimes I wish I had someone to look up to tbh. Someone to take guidance off of. Someone who I am impressed so thoroughly 由 that they serve as an inspiration. But alas, it turns out I am stuck 由 myself. I have to generate goals and admiration from myself within myself. I have to generate the drive and inspiration and will entirely on my own.

Its not horrible. It makes me independent

But sometimes having the safety net so 你 can take a break once and a while would be great 发布 一年多以前
TheLefteris24 评论…
Isn't there though? At least those who have contributed their fair share of inspiration over the years. Maybe not a complete Role Model through Life (A lot really have a hard time finding something like this and might also be not be the best option depending on one's selection) but the experiences taught through them and the examples 你 have taken can be valuable nonetheless. Regardless of being Family 或者 Friends, irl People 或者 Fictional, etc. I have noticed that they could have an impact in a person's jouney. Something that I can relate with myself !!!! 一年多以前
TheLefteris24 评论…
That being said, it is apparent that your progress so far is mainly because of yourself. No one else could define it. Your very own driving force that pushed 你 towards Improvement. It is something to be truly admired and a reason why many others look up to 你 and seek for your guidance themselves. Something to take great Pride in !!!! 一年多以前
TheLefteris24 评论…
^ As excessively Optimistic I might be coming across, that is my Hope. A pure one and I find it to be worthy holding on to it in your case. Just letting that be known !!!! 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
“I wonder since when, I started yawning as I left my 首页 for a match. I wonder since when I stopped feeling anything even when we won. The person who can win against me is me alone. But all I wanted was an opponent that I could go all out against. I've always wished for a tight game in which 你 couldn't tell if you'd win 或者 lose...I am grateful to 你 Tetsu." ~ Daiki Aomine 发布 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
" *in meh mood* .... lets eat 爆米花 and soda"

"You know we literally just agreed and decided wed lean back towards 茶 and 水果 since drinking things that do not excite the brain and fuels the body with HEALTHY stuff will actually almost factually pick up our mood right? Get some 水果 and tea"

".....popcorn and soda" 发布 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
Im not living am I? 发布 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
Man I havent 发布 on here in a while. Its... been a week. XD Chaos man. Tiresome. 发布 一年多以前
TheLefteris24 评论…
Relatable XD !!!! 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
Im in 爱情 发布 一年多以前
GDragon612 评论…
with your boyfriend 或者 your birds Rikubun <3 一年多以前
Riku114 评论…
Birds, boyfriend (fiance), and Akashi XDD 一年多以前
TheLefteris24 评论…
#TripleLove !!!! 一年多以前
TheLefteris24 评论…
The Holy Trinity of Riku's Obsessions !!!! 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
...... can someone tell my lungs how to breathe? 发布 一年多以前
TheLefteris24 评论…
link 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
MY LUNGS DONT WORK 发布 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
Personally, I identify 更多 masculine than feminine and typically want to be and identify with 更多 male / masculine things. I actually never wanted to be a girlfriend when I was younger. I hated the idea of being a GIRLfriend. I was 100% alright with being a boyfriend but the term girlfriend just grossed me out and Im still not a HUGE 粉丝 of it but Im used to it so I dont mind XD 发布 一年多以前
Riku114 评论…
Theres the whole thing about wanting to be a prince and my style and all. There was even a point in my life / time when I wanted to look as masculine as possible and a bit of dysphoria but that all went away when I really stopped bothering with gender. 一年多以前
Riku114 评论…
I got overwhelmed and tired with all the gender culture and decided I was just going to be me and not do anything to my body that could harm it including binding my boobs cause once 你 get past 38D its really not 安全 to bind 一年多以前
Riku114 评论…
Plus I like my tits and my fiance likes my tits so... 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
“I wish we met before they convinced 你 life is war.” 发布 一年多以前
TheLefteris24 评论…
Relatable !!!! 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
Ah man. I was not ready to go back to college to be honest. Ill probably be better once I get back into academia and get fed the drug of constant work but ugh. 发布 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
I have a cheese addiction tbh 发布 一年多以前
Zeppie 评论…
As I'm munching through a handful of grated 奶酪, 马苏里拉 I find this relatable v: 一年多以前
Riku114 评论…
^^ 一年多以前
JetBlack__ 说 …
Riku didn’t post in 24 hours !!
call 911 发布 一年多以前
Riku114 评论…
XD Im alright man XD 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
Me: I didnt take my meds yet. Dont forget. Yeah just after I find some good 音乐 to listen to.

"Honestly sometimes don't 你 think it would be easier to play the roll of broken, edgy, depressed, and unhealthy drug lord 或者 something than this high standing skilled academic and mental health caring scholar? It would be so easy to maintain that and we'd just have to stop trying with everything. Wouldn't that be fu-"

Me: Okay time to take medication. 发布 一年多以前
2ntyOnePilots 评论…
Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
i cant sleep cos i cant stop imagining things and scenarios :vv ;-; 发布 一年多以前
JetBlack__ 评论…
It's alright Riku it is all temporary,it's over now.you okay.. back to awesome Riku kicking life shit. 一年多以前
Riku114 评论…
XD Its fine XD Its just lowkey nostalgic 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
Me: I am not that bad of a maladaptive daydreamer

Me: *organizes a DnD group*

Me: *literally can not stop knocking out into obsessive character planning and background forming and 白日梦 up different potential characters legit for the 下一个 12 hours straight including while go kart racing to which Im shocked I didnt crash* 发布 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
Stream might be delayed due to DMV stuff 发布 一年多以前
BlueDopamine 评论…
ok, Anna 一年多以前
Riku114 评论…
:vv Dont call me 由 my first name 一年多以前
Riku114 评论…
It makes me uncomfortable XD Not cause its online but for other reasons I dont wanna go into XD 一年多以前
Riku114 评论…
或者 well real name I suppose XD 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
ANYWAYS. I finally get to take my drivers test after annoying delays twice and a 随意 appointment cancellation that the DMV didnt tell us about XD All the delays pretty much have me at the end of my learners permit though XD So I need to pass this 或者 Ill have to start from square one again XD

But I think Ill do fine probably. I mean I am not the best driver and personally I wouldn't drive if I didn't have to cause of my dissociation, but Im somehow better than 发布 一年多以前
Riku114 评论…
my older sister according to my mom and she has a license so... I think Ill do fine. XD 一年多以前
Rihanna312 评论…
Welp, this is the third 年 when I`m postponing getting a license. Mostly because I don`t feel the need for it. But if 你 have the reason and need it, I`m sure you`ll do good on the test! 一年多以前
Riku114 评论…
But yeah I would have passed since my driving was stellar but not noticing it was a yield left was an instant fail 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
Ah man its bird fucking season it seems XD My birds keep trying to fuck 发布 一年多以前
JetBlack__ 评论…
That’s disturbing yet cute xD 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
.... on another note I just realized I am 18 and have been living for the past few months with the self pressure as if I was like 21-24 发布 一年多以前
Riku114 评论…
Like my mom reminded my dad I was turning 19 and I was like "HOLY SHIT WAIT IM 18 WHAT THE HECK IM DOING JUST FINE. WHY AM I TREATING MYSELF LIKE IM WAY BEHIND?!?!" XD 一年多以前
Riku114 评论…
With that being said, I am not going to change the working speed and rate I am working at :v I want to get everything done as fast as possible but man I shoulda cut myself some slack XD 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
"There is no victory for the passive" 发布 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
I wanted to do something when I got back but now House is hallucinating a person and it reminds me too much of personal shit so Im hooked XD 发布 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
Fresh Owari no Seraph 个人资料 发布 一年多以前
Shukuya 评论…
Looks cool! 一年多以前
TheLefteris24 评论…
Noice. Looks pretty neat !!!! 一年多以前
JetBlack__ 评论…
It’s perfect. 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
Me: *gets into the car and sees fiance's 夹克 in the backseat and put it on*

Him: You? Cold? Who are you?

Me: Nah, I just miss your jacket

*twenty 分钟 later*

Me: Actually I was a bit chilly but I did really mainly want it cos I missed it.

Him: I know, 你 just have to be big strong girl that doesnt get cold

Me: >.> Shut up. 发布 一年多以前
TheLefteris24 评论…
After all these, anyone who still can't see 你 being a Tsundere simply knows nothing XD !!!! 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
YES I AM STILL THE 皇后乐队 OF MEDIATING AND ARGUMENT CLEAN UP!

Managed to simultaneously

-Keep my sisters fiance from having to deal with my family's bs arguments
-Made sure my sister was alright the 日 before leaving
-Made sure my mom understood where my sister was coming from
-Made sure my mom was alright with how she left my sister
-Made sure everyone was at least neutral
-Ended the drama
-Explained my 'disowning' of my middle sister
-Everyone is alright 发布 一年多以前
Riku114 评论…
Oh on that note, my middle sister I blantantly let it be known Im done trying with her and I am going to need to see her change and get her act together before I start trying again cos I got tired being let down on us getting along and her being nice and respectful to my existence 一年多以前
Riku114 评论…
I honestly cant hate her, but its not good for me to keep trying to be nice and get along cause Ill be sucked dry and left used if I keep trying when she isnt. 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
A bit of appreciation, but I honestly 爱情 my fiance. The 更多 I think about it, the 更多 of a rare human that probably has like a 0.01% chance of existing that fits my tastes in people, quirky interests, patient, capable, and understanding enough of my mental health bullshit, and everything to somehow find me and care / like me enough to make me give them a chance even after I tore them apart. 发布 一年多以前
Riku114 评论…
Like... being in my tastes and being someone Im willing to spend time around IRL is like.... a one in a millionth shot (not really but its pretty rare) 一年多以前
Riku114 评论…
Then just multiplying the rarity of everything else... 一年多以前
Riku114 评论…
Im just lucky to have him 一年多以前
Zeppie 评论…
So sweet ❤ 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
I swear Ill get back to Hakuoki eventually XD

Im currently bouncing around a few other games though since there are some good sales on thigns I want

Currently doing Jurassic World: Evolution and then Devil May Cry 1 after. If I like Devil May Cry 1 I might get 更多 of the series in the future but I dunno 发布 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
Dude, I found a clear definitive hole in my memory. My sister's fiance's sister apparently was like... best 老友记 with me in elementary school and APPARENTLY I was teased a lot 或者 something like that and she asked about me when my sister met her and I honest to god dont recognize her much at all if at all.

I was a biiit skeptical that it was overexaggerating but legit found pictures of me hugging her as a kid so??? 发布 一年多以前
Riku114 评论…
And I was in the same school as her for three years at the very least and she is somehow entirely absent from all my memories? I mean thats not shocking because I dont remember much from elementary school but I did make a hell of a hard job remembering the general story including 老友记 of mine at the time. 一年多以前
Riku114 评论…
I remember some of my other 老友记 at the time Im pretty sure...??? So its weird but the photographs dont lie... .-. 一年多以前
Riku114 评论…
Legit my first PROOF backed 迷失 memory and its kinda..... odd?? 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
Bruh solid 圣诞节 this year. 发布 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
>.> Starting to get to that "hating break" mood cause Im running out of things to keep my mind stimulated 发布 一年多以前
Riku114 评论…
I honestly hate wasting time 一年多以前
Riku114 评论…
I hate being stressed out about wasting time especially on vacations because I know its irrational but I cant. 一年多以前
Riku114 评论…
Im honestly kind of jealous of people who can comfortably do nothing with their time may it be on vacations 或者 not 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
嘿 guys I'm not dead I swear 发布 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
Aye guess who is officially engaged now? 发布 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
Might stream tomorrow at 12 PM PST Kingdom Hearts 1 with my boyfriend. Might not, still considering it 发布 一年多以前
Riku114 评论…
Nah decided against streaming btw XD Figured itd be 更多 fun just to chill with my boi 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
Since I dont really have the ability to remember my moods for 更多 than two weeks and it screws up a lot of my psychiatry 论坛 and all, I am going to now keep a mood log to keep track of how I feel so I can 更多 accurately 报道 it 发布 一年多以前
TheLefteris24 评论…
^ That is a really nice idea !!!! 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
I might be kind of between fragments 或者 something because I am feeling two extremely polar emotions at the same time that shouldn't be able to coexist at the extent that they are and because I can't respond to really interesting 潮流粉丝俱乐部 随意 问题 because I cant come up with any consistent ideas so my sense of identity is probably obscure and messed up even though I dont notice it. 发布 一年多以前
TheLefteris24 评论…
^ Relatable in a way. Have been similarly felt confused about some of them myself !!!! 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
SAIX DESERVES 更多 爱情 发布 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
Its a bit shocking that I am still a good bit affected / bothered 由 my first major codependent break up. I've mostly moved on and I dont have breakdowns over it every other week like I did two years 以前 and I don't compulsively stalk unless "triggered" and thus there is like a REALLY small one in comparison to before

BUT Id be lying if I 说 I wasn't still held back and occasionally bothered 由 it. There are some things that can "trigger" small little moments to which 发布 一年多以前
Riku114 评论…
I recover from rather fast 一年多以前
Riku114 评论…
Its almost four years passed at this point I believe 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
由 the way stream this week is canceled due to my schedule combined with other people's schedules 发布 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
*sigh* Its hard to convince myself to sleep cause my brains oddly on edge over the session earlier today and the fact I gotta ride Uber to the airport which Ive always been paranoid about 发布 一年多以前
Riku114 评论…
Not like horrifically but enough that Im resistant to sleep out of discomfort 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
Tfw 你 have to talk with your therapist over why something 你 know is irrational is irrational because your brain doesnt always listen to ration and 你 just sit there like "Fuck man, now we look dramatic because 你 were freaking out over something I told 你 was irrational and pointless and potentially unhealthy." 发布 一年多以前
Riku114 评论…
And then him pointing out the fact I over prepare and over plan for the worst to the point its kinda bad with how it takes a lot of the fun and excitement out of life and then Im like ":vvvv Dont bring me into this :vv Im just trying to protect us :v We might get caught off guard if we dont know whats going on :vv" 一年多以前
Riku114 评论…
.... I really clearly dissociate myself in therapy dont I? 一年多以前
Riku114 评论…
I dont really mean dissociate in like... the experience of dissociation, but the way I talk about myself and my issues in therapy REALLY sounds like Im REALLY 分裂, 拆分 and like "pfft thats not me" when it fucking is ya hoe. Like its not THAT apparently until I talk about my emotions and way of doing things 一年多以前
Riku114 评论…
Also I gotta stop talking in first person plural so much. XD 或者 maybe not, cause it might be something I should stop restricting myself on. I dunno. Im curious what psychiatry will say when I go to it on the topic. And after I get MRI scans and shit on my brain so I can make sure its not like some tumor 或者 anything that might be causing the memory issues and stuff just so they can go through the procedure of diagnosing shit 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
TFW 你 lazily and casually take the ECON practice exam that is 20 问题 longer than the one 你 will take today and get an 96% on it with a little over 40 分钟 to spare when 你 really didnt do anything other than Chem and a little bit of Animal Science for about a week 发布 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
Honestly I kind of doubt when I say I have extremely fragmented personalities because a good 90% of the time I currently feel really like... single. I dont mean dating wise, but like... I feel like Im the only one up in my head and Im like "Nah I must have faked it before" but I vaguely remember having way too indepth discussions with "thoughts" that had extremely different opinions and voices in my head and my boyfriend claims hes seen it in my eyes / body when I claimed to be Aderis so.. 发布 一年多以前
Riku114 评论…
Lately its only when Im really stressed / threatened that I hear anything in my mental 太空 - either that 或者 briefly when something 'stimulates' one of them I guess 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
I think I got Chem down XD I mean I learned the majority of it in the last two days cause I was on a good track for the first half of the quarter then the fires came and ruined my momentum XD

But its still pretty good. I hear the teacher curves the class two letter grades and I only need a 30% I think then? Which I know I can pull off. Plus I feel like I might know it better than a good chunk of people? 发布 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
Yo hearing your oldest sister be like "Yeah, I didn't really care that 你 were 更多 attached to him than me, I was just glad there was someone else helping out because I could barely keep 你 alive since there is only so much a sister could do."

Well geee.

I mean I remember being bad but not that bad :v 发布 一年多以前
Riku114 评论…
But then again I dont really remember XD At least people being really up front with how close I seemed to be to offing myself gives me validation that I really was depressed at some point like my sparknotes of my own life says :v 一年多以前
Riku114 评论…
Lowkey kinda wanna go back and experience again just to see how bad I really was but I think Id regret that five 秒 in 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
I don't really have a good sense of when Im pushing myself too hard to be entirely honest. Usually I end up pushing myself and pushing myself unaware of the toll its having 或者 only minimal awareness of it to the point I feel like I can do a lot 更多 then I just suddenly snap / break / crack and am forced to stop

Its something I am working on and I only really stopped studying (out of boredom) cause I took a short rbeak to call my boyfriend and he told me to take a break 发布 一年多以前
Riku114 评论…
Turns out Im kinda feeling how exhausted I was after taking about an 小时 break XD 一年多以前
Riku114 评论…
Same kinda goes with most internal feelings, may it be hunger, exhaustion, and sometimes even just flat out pain. Im really bad at recognizing it until Im barely functioning and at that point it tends to be too late :v But Im working on it and try to listen when someone I know that can read me and that I trust tells me to take a break cos I know some people are better at telling when Im worn down than I am XD 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
Man going through your tumblr (a place 你 only ranted on when REALLY bad and not really wanting people to know) and specifically go back to the rants cause 你 know 你 had a tag for them

"I WANT TO DISSOCIATE. I WANT ADERIS. I DON’T WANT TO FEEL 或者 BE HERE." 发布 一年多以前
Riku114 评论…
[Hashtags so I could find the post if need be] #I Hate That Ive Been Stopping With My Dissociation #I Want It Back #I Dont Want To Be Here #I Dont Want To Feel For Now #If I Had To Give The Personality To Her #I Would #I Want Someone Else To Protect Me #I Want Someone Else To Handle The Stress #I Dont Want To Be The One To Take This Bullcrap #I Want Someone Who Doesnt Judge Herself #I Want Someone Who Can Say 'Fuck 你 And Fuck It' #I Want Someone Narcissistic And Egotistical #Just Not Me 一年多以前
Riku114 评论…
April 4th 2018 apparently. I wish I knew what happened that 日 XD 一年多以前
Riku114 说 …
tfw 你 went to the nearby campus market to get 更多 Icebreakers, forget, buy a soda and Ramune for the stream, then half an 小时 after 你 come back 你 just go "shit I dont have any icebreakers" 发布 一年多以前