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posted by TeamSongz4eva
**again i got this from the internet**


These are from by-gone days when we actually had little computer machines that would answer the telephone for us. They were called "answering machines," intuitively enough. Roughly akin to voice mail today, but when they came out, they were quite novel. Thus, the were the 来源 of much amusement.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"If 你 are a burglar, then we're probably at 首页 cleaning our weapons
right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home
and it's 安全 to leave us a message."...
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posted by EllentheStrange
I am anti emo,because I don't the idea of them

mutilating themselves for no reason.I mean

sure,you have bullies at school and your mom

hates you,but I have those same problems.But I

don't cut,or dink,or do drugs.Emo Kids are just

pissing their life away cutting and killing

themselves over their little problems.You live in

a small town,nobody feels sorry for you.get a

haircut.There's no point to get

yourself.Everybody has problems.Deal with

them,but don't cut.Write 或者 draw.Listen to music.

Do something else besides cut.And the posers are

even worst so I dislike them even more.They think

it will...
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1.Make race car noises when anyone gets on 或者 off.

2.Blow your nose and offer to 显示 the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.

3.Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: Shut up, dammit, all of 你 just shut UP!

4.Whistle the first seven notes of It's a Small World incessantly.

5.Sell Girl Scout cookies.

6.On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.

7.Shave.

8.Crack open your 公文包 或者 purse, and while peering inside ask: Got enough air in there?

9.Offer name 标签 to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.

10.Stand silent...
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Hello! Gabriella here. :D I will tell 你 all these: What dates & Why 你 don't want your birthday on these days.

1- New Year's 日
You don't know what your celebrating. Your birthday 或者 the new year.

2-Groundhog's Day
I think this is an American thing but, 你 know how if 你 see the shadow, this happens, if not, that happens? Yeah, why 你 ask? Groundhog. People complaining about the outcome.
2-Valentine's Day
Your loved a bit too much.
2-Leap Year
This day, only comes, once every four years. Why would 你 want to celebrate it today?

4-April Fool's Day
You get pranked on your own birthday. What...
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posted by snusnu13
It was a beautiful Sunday afternoon. The light breeze was making the leaves of the trees rustle lightly and the birds were chirping their afternoon songs. In a small yard there lay a dog on the soft, green grass. This dog was brown and white patched, and had light green eyes. She had no ears, as they were cut off when she was a puppy, but her ear canal remained, so she could still hear.

As the dog chewed on her bone, a teenage girl stepped into the backyard. The dog looked up and saw her 14 年 old owner, Sally. Sally had tanned skin, with dark brown hair tied into a ponytail, a triangular...
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1. 你 fall down the stairs.

2. A 树 falls down on you.

3. A 骆驼, 美洲驼 spits in your face.

4. 你 eat i poisioned cookie.

5. A roccon with rabies jumps in your face and bites your face.

6. 你 are making out with a person and then 你 trow up in their mouth
.
7. A crystle light thing falls on your head.

8. Your 枕头 gets a face and bites 你 head off.

9. Your dog stands up and says I hate 你 and then runs away.

10. Your eating pankakes, their is a rotten egg in to, 你 get slmonila, go to the hospital, the doctors say that 你 are going to die, then 你 die.

11. When 你 are dieing your crush says that...
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1. read
2. go outside
3. do ur homework
4. go around the house saying 随意 things until u cry laughing
5. continue 阅读 this
6. Walk up to siblings and say 随意 things until they hit u and then say u r cracking them up
7. play cards
8. dance
9. play checkers
10.read about canadian dudes
11. hit ur siblings, run 2 mommy and say, They hit me!!!!!
12. go on utube
13.talk on phone 4 hrs.
14. go on another fanclub
15. try 2 find me on 脸谱 and figure out im not on, i dnt have an account
16. go on 谷歌 look up 松鸦, 杰伊, 杰伊 · leno, find 15 jokes and have a 13 round comedy c ontest with ur bff
17. write on ur wall
18. write on other peoples walls
19. add 随意 people as ur fans
20. read another forum.
Are 你 addicted? Are 你 a super fan? Are 你 just a person who likes being enthusiastic about things? Are 你 on 潮流粉丝俱乐部 too much?

1. 你 see something 你 like, and think Oh, I want to 粉丝 that club!

2. 你 start shipping people 你 know 或者 see.

3. 你 hear something awesome and immediately look for the Best Answer button.

4. 你 hear something awesome and immediately want to go on 潮流粉丝俱乐部 and change your motto.

5. 你 hear something and 你 want to 评论 on it.

6. 你 have great ideas of something 你 should post on 潮流粉丝俱乐部 at completely 随意 times of day.

7. 你 get a new 最喜爱的 and HAVE to...
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posted by kitkat709477
"I can't find it," REALLY MEANS, "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
"That's women's work," REALLY MEANS, "It's dirty, difficult and thankless."
"Will 你 marry me?" REALLY MEANS, "Both my room mates have moved out, I can't find the washer, and there is no 更多 花生 butter."
"It's a guy thing," REALLY MEANS, "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and 你 have no chance at all of making it logical."
"Can I help with dinner?" REALLY MEANS, "Why isn't it already on the table?"
"It would take too long to explain, "REALLY MEANS, "I have no idea...
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okay, on my 5 completely 随意 things to do...

5) sing the alphabet backwards in german while painting a picture of yourself riding a tandem bike
4) clip out something from the newspaper and tape it to your shirt
3) try to do the chicken dance as long as 你 can
2) walk into walmart and ask where the nearest walmart is and directions to it
1) scream "where did i put my flaming green octopus?" as loud as 你 can in a public place (ie. school, mall...bathroom)

i recommend 你 try these. 2 and 1 are my faves.
posted by 3nala
3nala said:
"Yo whazzup mah homiehs?"

{screams something incoherent about peanut butter}

"I like waffles with peanut butter."

{is bored}



{screams something incoherent about dynamite and bananas}

"Oh well..."

{screams something completely incoherent}

"Ooh look at teh pretty birdses..."



{starts humming to the tune of 'U Can't Touch This'}

{Stares down a digital picture of GIR, then screams something incoherent about tacos}

"How did pig tracks get on the ceiling?"

{sings 'Spider-Pig'}

{Screams something incoherent about exploding squirrels}

"I told the man I was innocent, but the gun in my...
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Don't cheat! :) DO NOT CHEAT 或者 IT WON'T WORK AND 你 WILL WISH 你 HADN'T. TAKE 3 MINUTES! TRY THIS - IT WILL FREAK 你 OUT. DO NOT READ AHEAD, JUST DO IT. IT'S WORTH A TRY. 1st. Get a PEN and PAPER. 2nd. WHEN CHOOSING NAMES, MAKE SURE THEY ARE REAL PEOPLE THAT 你 ACTUALLY KNOW. 3rd. GO WITH YOUR FIRST INSTINCTS !!!!! Very important for good results. 4th. SCROLL DOWN ONE LINE AT THE TIME DON'T READ AHEAD otherwise 你 WILL RUIN THE FUN. 1. On a blank sheet of paper, WRITE NUMBERS 1 through 11 in a COLUMN on the LEFT. ~ 2. 下一个 to the NUMBERS 1 and 2, WRITE DOWN ANY 2 NUMBERS 你 WANT. ~ 3....
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The 最佳, 返回页首 six reasons computers must be female:

6. As soon as 你 have one, a better one is just around the corner.

5. No one but the creator understands the internal logic.

4. Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.

3. The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

2. The message "Bad Command 或者 File Name" is about as informative as

"If 你 don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you".

AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON COMPUTERS ARE FEMALE:

As soon as 你 make a commitment to one, 你 find yourself spending half of your paycheck on accessories for it.
posted by kitkat709477
1.everyone around 你 has an attitude problem
2.your adding 浓情巧克力 chips to your cheese omelet
3.the dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans
4.your husband/boyfriend is suddenly agreeing to everything 你 say
5.your using your cellphone to dial up every bumpersticker that says "hows my driving call 1-800-***-dating"
6.everyone head looks like an invitation to batting practice
7.you're convinced theres a god and he's male
8.you're counting down the days till menopause
9.you're sure everyone is scheming to dive 你 crazy
10.the ibuprofen bottle is empty and 你 just bought it yesterday
11.you just want to 冲床 someone without a reason
12.if 你 start wondering if pms is excuse to get away with murder
13.if 你 were to busy thinking about ways to kill the last person who got on your nerves to realize I was only supposed to give 你 10

a little starotype but funny
*i didn't write this,just so 你 know*
posted by HNismyfriend
Barbara Walters was doing a documentary on the customs of American Indians. While touring a reservation during the documentary she was puzzled as to why the difference in the number of feathers in the headdresses. So she asked a 《勇敢传说》 who only had one feather in his headdress, and his reply was: "Only have one woman: one woman, one feather."

Feeling the first fellow was only joking, she asked another brave. This 《勇敢传说》 had two feathers in his headdress. And he replied: "Me have two women: two women, two feathers."

Still not convinced the feathers indicated the number of sexual partners involved,...
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posted by MrssBieber320
Ever met that one person that 你 just wanna 冲床 in the face , then someohow , 你 end up in a relationship with them , 你 fall in 爱情 , and then watch things crash and burn in your face (and thats not the only thing 你 want to burn either (:]) Well if 你 still have feelings for that person im gonna help 你 get him/her back , note that this may only work for a girl though , cuause guys cant hit us , but we can surelly slap 你 guys (: , ohk so 你 could first start off 由 doing q of two simple things
1) light all the stuuf he gave 你 on 火, 消防 ... on his front lawn
2) give them back to...
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If you’re an animal lover, like me, this story might be to much to take. But I can’t believe people can be so cruel. But I believe that when someone abuses a poor defenseless animal, that someone should be 给 LIFE in prison without the possibility 或者 parole.

A Mesa, Arizona man who killed a 6-week-old kitten after a pet 蟒蛇, python refused to eat it was 给 three years of supervised probation on Friday.

Jeremy Tuffly, 29, pleaded guilty May 11 in Maricopa County Superior Court to one count of cruelty to animals, a Class 6 felony, court records show.

The charge followed after Maricopa County Sheriff's Office deputies learned of a DVD 展示 Tuffly repeatedly throwing the kitten at the 蟒蛇, python in 2002 in an attempt to get the snake to attack it, according to MCSO.

When the 蟒蛇, python failed to eat the kitten, Tuffly kicked it across the yard, authorities previously said. The kitten then died.
okay here`s some tips for those who dont know how to date.....
1- be always self confident , have some self a steam .
2- be always c00l.
3- turn off ur cellphone during the date...always.
4-be always happy, happy with everything..with ur life.
5- if u really want him as ur bf 或者 date.....try to be cool ,use the words like: yeah totally,or however....try to be little care less about him... ...lol
6- dont be bushy....stay calm and dont complain alot ....jst a little but not alot....
i cant remember anymore so......ill see u the 下一个 time.....thank u all for 阅读 this..and plz 评论 ,have all a gr8 day..peace ^_^
posted by tooch
I do not own any of these. If used, please credit teenthings@twitter.com

We all do, say, think 或者 relate to these, in some way 或者 another:

-When 你 forget someone's name 你 wait for someone else to say it so 你 don't look like an idiot asking.
-I pick things up with my feet because I'm too lazy to bend down.
-I don't 删除 my texts until it's 99% full.
-I hate when dinner's ready and 你 are in the middle of something.
-I still sometimes buy kids meals only for the toy.
-I hate how I look after I cry.
-Saying 'Are 你 kidding me?' even though 你 know the person isn't.
-Stop pretending like...
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1.we hate it when 你 grab our asses!!!(unless we are hoes)

2.when 你 cheat,we hate 你 and everything that has to do with you

3.dont act like 你 understand PMS,because 你 dont.So stop 表演 like it.

4.when 你 stare at other girls,and we stare at other boys,and 你 get all pissed off,you have no reason to speak.So 你 may as well stfu.

5.when 你 flirt,we flirt back,sometimes when we don't like you.and then we feel bad.So if 你 arent sure,dont flirt.

6.If we like a celebritey(ex:Orlando Bloom,Zac Efron,Bill Kaulitz,etc etc.)and we say they are hot,dont act like 你 dont care.We want...
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