#1: Narrator (Doug Walker): (laughing) And so, hundreds of thousands of people DIED and the outer 墙 was taken over 由 Titans. And the survivors were forced into refugee camps where they didn't have enough food, so even 更多 people died, YEAAAAA! But, how are Eren and the gang getting by?
Garrison: 你 want food?
Garrison: Then 你 should fuckin' 加入 the military! 你 can get all the 食物 你 want!
Garrison: Yeah! And 你 can also do stuff like this! punches and kicks Eren to the ground
Eren: After getting punched and kicked to the ground) That sounds AWESOME!!
Eren: We'll 加入 the military! We'll get all the food, authority, and VENGEANCE that we've ever wanted!
Shardis: Alright, 你 POOP NOBBLERS! Now I don't want no screwing around with 你 batch of MEAT TOSSERS! Last group thought it would be funny to shove a 玉米 COB up a trainee's BUNGHOLE! And 你 know what happened? They were asked to leave politely, and it was AWKWARD FOR EVERYONE! Alright, Aryan coconut, what's your name?
Armin: Ar- Ar- Ar-
Shardis: WELL SWEET MOTHER TERESA ON THE 兜帽, 罩, 发动机罩 OF A MERCEDEZ BENZ, 你 SOUND LIKE A MAJESTIC FUCKING EAGLE!! DO 你 SING?!
Shardis: HARMONIZE WITH ME MAGGOT!!
Armin: I don't know if I can-
Shardis: *sings a very high note*
Armin: *struggles to harmonize with the note, then gets his head turned around 由 Shardis*
Shardis: What about you, 松饼 top? What's your story?
Jean: Oh, well, my name is Jean Kirstein from Trost, and after I ace this academy, I'll be joining the Military Police.
Shardis: Wow. 你 seem to have a good head on your shoulders.
Jean: Oh, well thank 你 so m- *gets headbutted 由 Shardis*
Shardis: (After Eren failed at using the 3D gear) What's the matter, Jaeger? Is it too difficult for you? Well if 你 want to quit that's fine. We've got plenty of job openings at the custodial department so 你 can clean up your SHIT PERFORMANCE!!!! Why can't 你 be, 更多 like that majestic stallion, Jean, over there?!
Jean: *laughs smugly*
Connie: OHMYGAWD JEAN YOU'RE SO FUCKING COOL HOLY SHIIET!
Shardis: (After Eren has mastered the 3D gear) Well sweet Pacific Rim-job, look at you, Jaeger! You're all loose and tight at the same time! JEAN! WHY CAN'T 你 BE 更多 LIKE JAEGER-BOMBASTIC OVER HERE?!
Jean: *starts crying*
Connie: OHMYGAWD JEAN 你 SUCK!!
Thomas (no indoor voice): OH, MY GOD, I CAN'T BELIEVE WE ARE GRADUATING TOMORROW. THIS IS CRAZY. IT SEEMS LIKE WE STARTED YESTERDAY!!
Connie: I KNOW RIGHT! (cough)
Thomas (right 下一个 to Erin): WOW ERIN, THAT IS AMAZING, TELL US 更多 ABOUT THAT GIANT TITAN 你 COULD "TOTALLY" BEAT UP!
Erin: I'm not saying that I could take him with one arm... but I could totally take him with one arm.
Jean: I have never seen a creature quite so love—
Mikasa: I'm not into guys with vaginas.
Jean: *shocked* OHHH!!
Thomas: COME ON GUYS, LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE!
Eren: What bright side?!
Thomas: I DON'T KNOW. BUT WHEN WE FIND IT, WE SHOULD LOOK ON IT!
Eren: I fucking hate you, Thomas.
Connie: THOMAS 你 SUCK!
Verman (no indoor voice): ALRIGHT, EVERYONE, LISTEN UP! IT IS CONFIRMED, THAT YES, TITANS ARE IN THE CITY, AND YES, 你 ARE GOING TO HAVE TO FIGHT THEM! EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE ALL FRESH OUT OF TRAINING! THIS MAY SEEM STRANGE TO YOU, HOWEVER, WE BELIEVE, THAT YOUTH WILL OUTWEIGH EXPERIENCE IN THIS SITUATION! WHICH IS WHY I WILL BE COMMANDING FROM THIS WELL FORTIFIED CASTLE!! *Beat* (normal) 你 deploy in 15 minutes.
Thomas: I THINK ONE GOT ME! *gulp* (from inside the Titan's stomach) YEP, IT DEFINITELY GOT ME!!
Reiner: 你 know who gives the best 建议 on gears? Bertoldt right here.
Bertoldt: Oh, well, I'll just Bertell 你 what I Bertoldt him: 你 just gotta go out there and do it. Just loosen up and be tight at the same time.
Eren: That's it?
Armin: 你 know what, he makes a good, (unintelligable), he makes a good point! (You know it's gotta be the power)
Reiner: Heh ha ha, this guy's great.
Jean: I'm not gonna fight you! You're dirty! *gets punched* Ow!