Here's some of my fave "I wasnt that drunk" jokes hope 你 like :)
"I wasn't that drunk"
"You saw a ginger girl eating blueberries and screamed 'No Foxface! Not the berries!'"
"You ran into Walmart and when 你 heard someone talking on the intercom, 你 fell to your knees and said, 'God has spoken!'"
"You grabbed my parakeet, threw it at my sisters piggy bank and yelled, 'ANGRY BIRDS!!!!!'"
"You told me to give 你 a ride 首页 and the part was at your house"
"You asked your girlfriend if she was single"
"You gave a midget a 蘑菇 and yelled 'GROW MARIO GROW!!!'"
"You were cutting open pineapples and yelling, " SPONGEBOB I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE!!!!!'"
"You were screaming into my closet "WHERE IS NARNIA?!?'"
"You walked up to a semi- truck and whispered 'I know your secret..... Optimus Prime'"
"You were splashing around in the sink screaming "Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming'"
"You were in my pool screaming "WHERE IS NEMO?!?!'"
"You saw a midget, and tried to give him a sock. When he ran away 你 screamed "DOBBY!! STOP! I AM YOUR SAVIOR!!' and ran after him"
"You picked up my 仓鼠 and 说 "I choose you! Go pikachu!'"
"You were trying to swim in mud and 说 'IM IN WILLY WONKAS 浓情巧克力 RIVER!!!'"
"You spent 2 hours trying to drown my goldfish"
"You kept shouting 'NEVER!!' at my sisters Justin Beiber posters"
"You asked my mom is she was a virgin"
"You pushed your girlfriend into my pool and shouted "BE FREE ARIEL!!!'"
"You tried to throw a 松鼠 in my pool and shouted "BIKINI BOTTOM NEEDS 你 SANDY!!'"
"You kept asking my cat why he killed Mufasa"
"You ran into a brick 墙 screaming "HOGWARTS HERE I COME!!'"
"You grabbed a sponge from my 厨房 and begged it to tell 你 the krabby patty secret formula"
"It was raining and 你 fell in a puddle and screamed "HELP IM DROWNING!!'"
"You held my cat in the air saying 'Simba!!'"
"You hugged an old man and 说 "Dumbledore! You're alive!'"
"When I drove 你 首页 last night 你 were in the back 座位 pretending to steer with a paper plate"
"At a point I convinced 你 to bite your own nose and 你 spent an 小时 rolling around on the floor screaming 'IT'S GETTING AWAY!!!'"
"You ran up to a 树 and 说 "LOOK HOW BIG THIS PIECE OF BROCOLI IS!!!'"
"You took out a 厨房 刀 had Kelley throw 水果 at 你 and yelled 'I AM THE ULTIMATE 水果 NINJA!!'"
"You took my cat put it in a 枕头 and started 唱歌 'IT'S A 枕头 IT'S A PET ITS A 枕头 PET!!!'"
"You preached at a 芭比娃娃 玩偶 wedding"
"You congratulated a potato for getting a part in Toy Story"
"You were telling yo' mama jokes to orphans"
"You were arguing with yourself over the phone and got upset when 你 hung up"
"You got my parents replica of the efile tower stood on 最佳, 返回页首 of it and screamed 'I AM KING KONG!!!!'"
你 put your phone on airplane mode and kept throwing it up into the air screaming "WHY WON'T 你 FLY?!?!'"
"You put your new 苹果 IPhone in the blender because 你 wanted a smoothie"
"You got in a fist fight with Amy about her being on Team Jacob and then showed us your copies of the twilight books"
"When I drove 你 首页 你 yelled 'SWERVE SWERVE!!" when 你 saw the 树 air freshner"
"You saw my sisters 1D poster and screamed 'THE BRITISH ARE COMING THE BRITISH ARE COMING!!!!!'"
"You picked up a ginger kid and yelled 'ELMO WHERE IS YOUR GOLDFISH?!?!'"
"Your cell phone vibrated and 你 hid under a 表 screaming 'EARTHQUAKE!!!!!'"
"You glued a pop tart to my cat and threw it out of a window screaming 'NYAN CAT FLY!!!!'"
"You covered yourself in glitter and screamed 'I AM EDWARD CULLEN'!"
"You took my hat and muttered 'Not Slytherin'"
"You picked up a little Hispanic girl and yelled 'DORA I NEED YOUR MAP TO GET HOME!!' and the party was at your house"
"You jumped off the counter screaming 'I BELIEVE I CAN FLY!'"
"You stood on the edge of a cliff 唱歌 'I'm on the edge of glory'"
"I wasn't that drunk"
"You saw a ginger girl eating blueberries and screamed 'No Foxface! Not the berries!'"
"You ran into Walmart and when 你 heard someone talking on the intercom, 你 fell to your knees and said, 'God has spoken!'"
"You grabbed my parakeet, threw it at my sisters piggy bank and yelled, 'ANGRY BIRDS!!!!!'"
"You told me to give 你 a ride 首页 and the part was at your house"
"You asked your girlfriend if she was single"
"You gave a midget a 蘑菇 and yelled 'GROW MARIO GROW!!!'"
"You were cutting open pineapples and yelling, " SPONGEBOB I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE!!!!!'"
"You were screaming into my closet "WHERE IS NARNIA?!?'"
"You walked up to a semi- truck and whispered 'I know your secret..... Optimus Prime'"
"You were splashing around in the sink screaming "Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming'"
"You were in my pool screaming "WHERE IS NEMO?!?!'"
"You saw a midget, and tried to give him a sock. When he ran away 你 screamed "DOBBY!! STOP! I AM YOUR SAVIOR!!' and ran after him"
"You picked up my 仓鼠 and 说 "I choose you! Go pikachu!'"
"You were trying to swim in mud and 说 'IM IN WILLY WONKAS 浓情巧克力 RIVER!!!'"
"You spent 2 hours trying to drown my goldfish"
"You kept shouting 'NEVER!!' at my sisters Justin Beiber posters"
"You asked my mom is she was a virgin"
"You pushed your girlfriend into my pool and shouted "BE FREE ARIEL!!!'"
"You tried to throw a 松鼠 in my pool and shouted "BIKINI BOTTOM NEEDS 你 SANDY!!'"
"You kept asking my cat why he killed Mufasa"
"You ran into a brick 墙 screaming "HOGWARTS HERE I COME!!'"
"You grabbed a sponge from my 厨房 and begged it to tell 你 the krabby patty secret formula"
"It was raining and 你 fell in a puddle and screamed "HELP IM DROWNING!!'"
"You held my cat in the air saying 'Simba!!'"
"You hugged an old man and 说 "Dumbledore! You're alive!'"
"When I drove 你 首页 last night 你 were in the back 座位 pretending to steer with a paper plate"
"At a point I convinced 你 to bite your own nose and 你 spent an 小时 rolling around on the floor screaming 'IT'S GETTING AWAY!!!'"
"You ran up to a 树 and 说 "LOOK HOW BIG THIS PIECE OF BROCOLI IS!!!'"
"You took out a 厨房 刀 had Kelley throw 水果 at 你 and yelled 'I AM THE ULTIMATE 水果 NINJA!!'"
"You took my cat put it in a 枕头 and started 唱歌 'IT'S A 枕头 IT'S A PET ITS A 枕头 PET!!!'"
"You preached at a 芭比娃娃 玩偶 wedding"
"You congratulated a potato for getting a part in Toy Story"
"You were telling yo' mama jokes to orphans"
"You were arguing with yourself over the phone and got upset when 你 hung up"
"You got my parents replica of the efile tower stood on 最佳, 返回页首 of it and screamed 'I AM KING KONG!!!!'"
你 put your phone on airplane mode and kept throwing it up into the air screaming "WHY WON'T 你 FLY?!?!'"
"You put your new 苹果 IPhone in the blender because 你 wanted a smoothie"
"You got in a fist fight with Amy about her being on Team Jacob and then showed us your copies of the twilight books"
"When I drove 你 首页 你 yelled 'SWERVE SWERVE!!" when 你 saw the 树 air freshner"
"You saw my sisters 1D poster and screamed 'THE BRITISH ARE COMING THE BRITISH ARE COMING!!!!!'"
"You picked up a ginger kid and yelled 'ELMO WHERE IS YOUR GOLDFISH?!?!'"
"Your cell phone vibrated and 你 hid under a 表 screaming 'EARTHQUAKE!!!!!'"
"You glued a pop tart to my cat and threw it out of a window screaming 'NYAN CAT FLY!!!!'"
"You covered yourself in glitter and screamed 'I AM EDWARD CULLEN'!"
"You took my hat and muttered 'Not Slytherin'"
"You picked up a little Hispanic girl and yelled 'DORA I NEED YOUR MAP TO GET HOME!!' and the party was at your house"
"You jumped off the counter screaming 'I BELIEVE I CAN FLY!'"
"You stood on the edge of a cliff 唱歌 'I'm on the edge of glory'"