PLEASE ANSWER!! Fell free to criticize!

I 爱情 music, so I wrote this to share some songs I wrote. I'm working towards my dreams to become a singer right now. Here are some songs:

Your one last wish,
Remains unsaid,
You’ll cry into the night,
On your death bed,
Dying,
How will they remember you,
When you’re gone?
Six feet,
Underground,
你 lay,
In a coffin filled with silk,
Wilted 花 strewn about,
How will they remember you,
When you’re not around?
They throw dirt,
Over your grave,
Your unseeing eyes,
Wide open,
All of your,
Hearts desires are gone,
Your mind no longer corrupted,
How will they remember you,
When you’re gone?
Six feet,
Underground,
你 lay,
In a coffin filled with silk,
Wilted 花 strewn about,
How will they remember you,
When you’re not around?
Five bullets,
Implanted in your pale skin,
Your face is all red and white,
It’s your turn,
Is there life after death?
Tell me now.
How will they remember you,
When you’re gone?
Six feet,
Underground,
你 lay,
In a coffin filled with silk,
Wilted 花 strewn about,
How will they remember you,
When you’re not around?
When you’re gone,
Your loved ones crying,
But they’ll forget you,
Live on with life soon,
So soon.






Is there anyone out there,
Feeling so alone?
Are 你 filled with sorrow?
Have 你 been broken down?

And I want 你 to know,
I can’t stay forever,
We all die in the end,
But we can 加入 together,
And make the best of not fitting in!

你 are unique,
What’s normal anyway?
If we’re all different,
Why do we even try to be the same?


And I want 你 to know,
I can’t stay forever,
We all die in the end,
But we can 加入 together,
And make the best of not fitting in!

Make the best of life!
Now sing along if 你 broken!
Sing along if you’re gonna stand up and fight!
Now fight!
Live in the moment!
Don’t let anyone put 你 down!

And I want 你 to know,
I can’t stay forever,
We all die in the end,
But we can