Pain stood at a podium and said, “My fellow Akatsuki, we are here to honor the loss of our comrade Sasori.”
Pain looked at the side of the room and saw that Kisame was getting 食物 served to him from a buffet 由 Zetsu and Konan.
“Hey we aren’t supposed to start eating until the service is over,” Pain complained.
“Well 你 are kind of losing the crowd sir,” Zetsu said, “Maybe try to liven it up a bit.”
“It’s a funeral,” Pain said, “If things were alive we wouldn’t be here in the first place.”
Pain looked out at the crowd to see Hidan snoring with a small stream of drool going down his cheek. Kakuzu was sitting 下一个 to him counting money in his hand. Kisame sat back down 下一个 to Itachi and began eating as he handed Itachi his dango. Tobi was wailing while holding a box of tissues with Deidara inching away from him.
“Now Deidara will deliver a eulogy for Sasori,” Pain 说 as he waved Deidara up.
Deidara’s eyes went wide. “You didn’t say anything about 写作 a eulogy un,” Deidara said.
“You were his partner,” Pain replied, “Who did 你 think would give the eulogy?”
“I figured since 你 like to hear yourself talk so much 你 would do it un,” 说 Deidara.
Before Pain could respond Tobi raised his hand. “Tobi wants to say something about Sasori-Sempai,” Tobi 说 tearfully.
Pain looked surprised. “I guess it couldn’t hurt anything,” Pain 说 as Tobi walked up to the podium with tissues in hand.
Tobi looked out at the crowd and said, “Even though Tobi never got to meet Sasori-Sempai, without him Tobi would never have met his bestest friend in the whole wide world, Deidara-Sempai.”
Deidara hid his face within his 披风, 斗篷 as the other members snickered at him.
Tobi continued, “Tobi knows Sasori-Sempai would be his bestest friend too. Maybe in 晓组织 heaven we can be bestest 老友记 together.”
Tobi suddenly burst into tears and shouted, “Come back to us!” Tobi then jumps into the casket and hugs Sasori’s puppet body stunning everyone. Pain pried Tobi off of Sasori and put him back in his seat.
“Okay then,” Pain said, “Anyone else have something to say?”
As no one 说 anything, Pain pulled Kakuzu up to the podium with his Bansho Tensei. Pain asked, “Why don’t 你 say something Kakuzu?”
Kakuzu put his money in his pocket and stood up. “Well I didn’t really no Sasori either, but I made a ton of cash selling his puppets to Sunagakure,” Kakuzu 说 as he looked at Sasori’s body, “So thanks for the free merchandise.”
Pain rubbed the side of his temple. “Hidan,” he said, “You’re a priest. Can 你 say some spiritual mumbo jumbo?”
Hidan stood up and took Kakuzu’s place on the podium. “I shall open with a Jashinist Prayer,” Hidan said, “******* ****** ******* ***** ********.”
Everyone’s mouth hung open in shock. Pain raised his hand and said, “Shinra Tensei,” launching Hidan out of the cave.
Tobi looked at Deidara and asked, “What do those words mean Sempai?”
Deidara said, “We will tell 你 when you’re older Tobi un.”
Konan walked up to the podium and placed a bouquet of paper 花 in the casket and asked, “Where did his body go?”
Everyone looked at Kakuzu.
“What?” he asked.
“You’re not selling that one Kakuzu,” Pain said, “Put it back.”
Kakuzu muttered under his breath as he set it back in the casket.
Pain got back to the podium and said, “I think I’ll just read Sasori’s last will and testament to close out the ceremony.”
Pain began to read the paper, “I, Sasori of the red sand, wish to make this final statement to 你 my fellow 晓组织 members. To Deidara I wish to say, get a haircut because 你 look like a girl. Also get help 你 pyromaniac. To Kakuzu I wish to say, if 你 sell my puppets I will haunt 你 forever. To Hidan I wish to say, shut up. To Konan I wish to say, origami is not a real art form. To Pain I wish to say, the piercings don’t make 你 look tough. They just make 你 look 更多 情绪硬核 than Itachi. To Kisame I wish to say, 你 need to do something about your blue skin. Try moisturizer. To Zetsu, be grateful I mentioned 你 at all.”
Everyone looked annoyed as Pain finished 阅读 the will. Deidara asked, “Can I blow him up now un?”
Pain threw the paper out and said, “Have at it. From now on when a member dies we just have a moment of silence.”