饥饿游戏 Article: The First Quarter Quell

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posted by Nemisis

Chapter One
The 月 Before The Reaping

The president apears on thousands of 电视 screens. He stands on a stage. He has a box in his hands. He looks at the camersas and smiles, he says:
"Welcome Panem " his smile widens " We will celebrate the first quarter quell tommorow, as the twenty fifth Hunger Games begins! " he stops smiling " Every twenty five hunger games we will have a Quarter Quell, each of these has special rules, that were written at the begining of the games, and put in this box " he holds up the box "Today I will read the Twenty Fifth Hunger Games " he opens the box and pulls out an old piece of paper. He reads " On the Twenty Fifth Huger Games, As a reminder that even among each other the rebles were weak, tributes will be voted in " he pauses, letting that sink in " and No volunteers will be accepted. " He starts to walk off of the stage, then turns
" And may the odds be ever in your favour " he smiles, but his eyes are cold, as thousands of teens hope on the results of there districts votes, wether they want to win 或者 lose.

how is it? does it epicly suck!!!???!!!

kall_pal17, prim17luvr101 and 2 others like this

Fluffers It's very good! I would combine sentences where I can, to avoid repeating words like "he" For instance, you might say "He stands on a stage with a box in his hands." instead of "he stands on a stage. He has a box in his hands." I do see the effect you were going for with the repetition of "He", so I believe the next sentence may remain as it is. Your grammar could use some double checking. The first sentence of his speech should look like "Welcome, Panem." His smile widens. "We will celebrate the first... etc." You also switch from present tense to past tense at some point, and your tense should always be consistent. The last clause of the last sentence needs to be rephrased for clarity, and you should go through and check your spelling. Despite all that, it's very, very good! Few people write that well, so you should really be proud! I'm assuming you wanted the corrections??

Nemisis yes I did thanks!

Nemisis Chapter Two The Reaping District One Keith I already know that I won. I'm the biggest strongest guy in the district that is eligible. Plus no one likes me so they wouldn't care if I ended up dead. But I wanted to be in these games, I might only be sixteen, but I'm prepared to win, I have been since I was twelve. But I knew I shouldn't go in until I would be one of the oldest, until I had even more of an edge. I was actually planning on volunteering this year. So I'm really hoping that people voted me in. I am the most likely guy in the district to win, so why wouldn't they all vote for me? Ala I watch as Keith struts through the town square as if he owns it. He must be positive he's going to win then. He probably did. I'm not sure I would want to be a tribute. Of course I'd never tell anyone. When their going to volunteer is pretty much anyone talks about from their tenth birthday (when they start to train) until their eighteenth. But I really don't like the idea of going and sluaghtering a bunch of other kids, yes it would be sluaghter, I'm the best female fighter in my district. And from what I've seen watching the hunger games even our worst fighters are more than a match for the other tributes from different districts. Of course being the best female fighter I'm the most likely candidate for winning these votes. okay that was district one. district two will be up soon