I found this hilarious 文章 on pcworld.com
Don't know who the 作者 is, but he's funny.
1. Backward Thinking
"I sold my only car to help pay for gas money, but now gas has come down in price. How do I get my car back?"
I tried to contact this guy, but it turns out that he also sold his computer to help pay for his Internet connection.
2. It's 锦标 Lock--Capisce?
"HOW DO I TURN OFF CAPSLOCK? I ACCIDENTALLY TURNED IT ON YESTERDAY AND I DONT KNOW HOW TO TURN IT BACK OFF."
Note to self: Register howtoturnoffcapslock.com; make millions.
3. Credit Crunch
"I wanted to see if my computer would read my credit card so i put it in the cd rom and it got stuck, how do i get it out?? I tryed toothpics but 迷失 them in the process?? also the drive is making noises"
Oh, that's normal. Your system is just waiting for 你 to pay the required $1 processing fee for scanning the card. Simply fold a greenback into a tiny square and insert it into any USB port.
4. Mousin' Around
"My 老鼠, 鼠标 stop working every time i lift it up from the 表 why is this? this is not just OS .i have linux and vista both same thing so its not drivers"
Yeah, no big deal there, either: Insert your credit card into the CD-ROM drive and tell your computer--slowly and distinctly--that 你 need the Air 老鼠, 鼠标 3000 upgrade. You'll be good in no time.
5. Technical Difficulties
"I've been asked to write an application in my own handwriting....? is there a computer programme that will do this for me? they also want original ideas. do 你 know any?"
This reminds me of a letter to the editor I once read years ago: "Are there any undiscovered islands left in the world?" The response: "Not that we know of."
6. It's All in the Details
"I have an assignment about computer.. What is unimportant details about computer?"
Wait a minute--does this assignment also require original ideas?
7. Unknown Nuptials
"Am i married in any state? have i been divorced?"
I'll take "questions asked after a night in Vegas" for $500, Alex.
8. A Sticky Subject
"Where can i buy a really big jar of 花生 butter?"
If this is from the same guy who asked the 前一个 question, I'm getting concerned.
9. Fruit Frets
"I have ate two whole tangerines in about two hours what will happen to me?"
That all depends on whether 你 swallowed any seeds. If 你 did, be very careful not to eat any dirt 或者 drink any water for the 下一个 two weeks.
10. Fat Chance
"How do i become obese fast? I want to look good 由 the end of the year."
You can start 由 eating two tangerines in two hours. Then run around in circles until 你 figure out what "obese" means.
11. Cantaloupe Hunting
"I thought cantelope was an animal!? i always thought that a cantaloupe was that animal that has the horns and they live in Arizona and stuff, but i was shopping for groceries yesterday and i saw they had cantaloupe meat on sale. so i was like yeah sure i'll try it, but what i saw, wasn't a cantaloupe. it was some white and green 水果 thing! whats up with this?"
The store is guilty of mislabeling. The term it was looking for is "jackalope"--which is a 交叉, 十字架 between a jackfruit and a manila envelope.
12. Hey, Babby
"How is babby formed????? how girl get pragnent?"
On the one hand, I kind of hope 你 never figure it out. On the other, maybe your parents don't know either--and it obviously didn't stop them.
13. An Academic Inquiry
"Why are there school? is a point to it?"
There are school so 你 can learn how is babby formed, silly.
14. Canine Law
"Is it illegal to name a dog after a movie?"
Only if that movie is Air Bud 2. As a practical matter, though, 你 might want to avoid calling out to your pooch on a crowded bus if 你 decide to name it "Bang Bang You're Dead" 或者 "I'm Going to Explode."
15. Lost in Space
"What is the best place to ask 问题 online? i mean, 或者 there any QA 论坛 like on yahoo 或者 anything?"
Hmm...a forum-like place to ask 问题 on Yahoo. Nope, haven't heard of anything like that. But if 你 find something, be sure to let us know.
16. Mathematical Matters
"Is there any possible way of making 2+2=5?"
The easiest way is to flip the positions of 4 and 5 on the number line. Another method is to use LSD (Least Sequential Denominators).
17. Sandwich Sensations
"Is it possible to feel like a sandwich?"
Sure. It's called LSD (Lettuce, Succotash, and Dill-pickle). It feels, like, weird...
18. About Those Drugs...
"How do 你 ask a 问题 on yahoo answers?"
Hey, don't ask me. I'm still trying to find out if there's a forum-like place to pose 问题 there. Anyone? Anyone?
19. Spelling 101
"How do 你 spell government?"
Most of the time.
20. Turtle Trouble
"I was bitten 由 a 龟, 海龟 when i was a young lad, can i still drink 橙子, 橙色 juice?"
This is why old lads should be barred from Yahoo Answers. Seriously--where do they come up with this stuff?
Don't know who the 作者 is, but he's funny.
1. Backward Thinking
"I sold my only car to help pay for gas money, but now gas has come down in price. How do I get my car back?"
I tried to contact this guy, but it turns out that he also sold his computer to help pay for his Internet connection.
2. It's 锦标 Lock--Capisce?
"HOW DO I TURN OFF CAPSLOCK? I ACCIDENTALLY TURNED IT ON YESTERDAY AND I DONT KNOW HOW TO TURN IT BACK OFF."
Note to self: Register howtoturnoffcapslock.com; make millions.
3. Credit Crunch
"I wanted to see if my computer would read my credit card so i put it in the cd rom and it got stuck, how do i get it out?? I tryed toothpics but 迷失 them in the process?? also the drive is making noises"
Oh, that's normal. Your system is just waiting for 你 to pay the required $1 processing fee for scanning the card. Simply fold a greenback into a tiny square and insert it into any USB port.
4. Mousin' Around
"My 老鼠, 鼠标 stop working every time i lift it up from the 表 why is this? this is not just OS .i have linux and vista both same thing so its not drivers"
Yeah, no big deal there, either: Insert your credit card into the CD-ROM drive and tell your computer--slowly and distinctly--that 你 need the Air 老鼠, 鼠标 3000 upgrade. You'll be good in no time.
5. Technical Difficulties
"I've been asked to write an application in my own handwriting....? is there a computer programme that will do this for me? they also want original ideas. do 你 know any?"
This reminds me of a letter to the editor I once read years ago: "Are there any undiscovered islands left in the world?" The response: "Not that we know of."
6. It's All in the Details
"I have an assignment about computer.. What is unimportant details about computer?"
Wait a minute--does this assignment also require original ideas?
7. Unknown Nuptials
"Am i married in any state? have i been divorced?"
I'll take "questions asked after a night in Vegas" for $500, Alex.
8. A Sticky Subject
"Where can i buy a really big jar of 花生 butter?"
If this is from the same guy who asked the 前一个 question, I'm getting concerned.
9. Fruit Frets
"I have ate two whole tangerines in about two hours what will happen to me?"
That all depends on whether 你 swallowed any seeds. If 你 did, be very careful not to eat any dirt 或者 drink any water for the 下一个 two weeks.
10. Fat Chance
"How do i become obese fast? I want to look good 由 the end of the year."
You can start 由 eating two tangerines in two hours. Then run around in circles until 你 figure out what "obese" means.
11. Cantaloupe Hunting
"I thought cantelope was an animal!? i always thought that a cantaloupe was that animal that has the horns and they live in Arizona and stuff, but i was shopping for groceries yesterday and i saw they had cantaloupe meat on sale. so i was like yeah sure i'll try it, but what i saw, wasn't a cantaloupe. it was some white and green 水果 thing! whats up with this?"
The store is guilty of mislabeling. The term it was looking for is "jackalope"--which is a 交叉, 十字架 between a jackfruit and a manila envelope.
12. Hey, Babby
"How is babby formed????? how girl get pragnent?"
On the one hand, I kind of hope 你 never figure it out. On the other, maybe your parents don't know either--and it obviously didn't stop them.
13. An Academic Inquiry
"Why are there school? is a point to it?"
There are school so 你 can learn how is babby formed, silly.
14. Canine Law
"Is it illegal to name a dog after a movie?"
Only if that movie is Air Bud 2. As a practical matter, though, 你 might want to avoid calling out to your pooch on a crowded bus if 你 decide to name it "Bang Bang You're Dead" 或者 "I'm Going to Explode."
15. Lost in Space
"What is the best place to ask 问题 online? i mean, 或者 there any QA 论坛 like on yahoo 或者 anything?"
Hmm...a forum-like place to ask 问题 on Yahoo. Nope, haven't heard of anything like that. But if 你 find something, be sure to let us know.
16. Mathematical Matters
"Is there any possible way of making 2+2=5?"
The easiest way is to flip the positions of 4 and 5 on the number line. Another method is to use LSD (Least Sequential Denominators).
17. Sandwich Sensations
"Is it possible to feel like a sandwich?"
Sure. It's called LSD (Lettuce, Succotash, and Dill-pickle). It feels, like, weird...
18. About Those Drugs...
"How do 你 ask a 问题 on yahoo answers?"
Hey, don't ask me. I'm still trying to find out if there's a forum-like place to pose 问题 there. Anyone? Anyone?
19. Spelling 101
"How do 你 spell government?"
Most of the time.
20. Turtle Trouble
"I was bitten 由 a 龟, 海龟 when i was a young lad, can i still drink 橙子, 橙色 juice?"
This is why old lads should be barred from Yahoo Answers. Seriously--where do they come up with this stuff?
Let's fuckin do this
