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随意 问题

Is this plot good? How can I improve?

Plot: in future England there are even 更多 homophobes and discrimination. Homosexuals are sent to a town where they are killed after a year. A boy decides to break out, but when they're escaping the guards catch them. The boy is killed but the others escape. There is then a war for gay rights.

Characters:
Boys:
Achlad Bouvier (younger twin, 粉, 粉色 hair, yellow eyes, cat ears and tail.)
Aberthol Bouvier(older twin same looks)
Luci (Lucifer, Satan, red eyes, black hair)
Ai (Luci's boyfriend, black eyes, brown hair)
James Handel (blonde hair blue eyes)
Hayden Lamar (James's boyfriend, red hair, green eyes)
Finnegan Courtland Maloish (Leader of the group, blonde hair, dark green eyes)
March Guest (guy who dies at the beginning, curly long purple hair, blue eyes)
Inigo Forrest (Lucinda's boyfriend and brother, light red hair, brown eyes)
Blane Cellinton (Finnegan's friend, totally doesn't matter)
Lewellyn Bouvier (king of Cauldwell, doesn't matter)
Archer Cauldwell (creator of Cauldwell), not sure if he even comes in) 


Girls 
Lucinda Forrest (robot spy, light red hair, brown eyes)
Nina Wellz (Finnegan's friend, black hair, brown eyes)
Joy Barker (Finnegan's friend, brown hair, blue eyes)
蕾哈娜 Bouvier (Queen of Cauldwell, doesn't matter)
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I was in a rush, so if you're confused look at my 评论 on panisepic's answer. If you're still confused ask me about it.
misscrazel posted 一年多以前
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Also if 你 want to know personality traits tell me.
misscrazel posted 一年多以前
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The murderers do the murders so there will be 更多 good, kind of like Death Note (if you've watched it 或者 know what it's about). Satan isn't bad in the story, he was sent to hell for being gay and he doesn't really torture the sinners God sends to him.
misscrazel posted 一年多以前
 misscrazel posted 一年多以前
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随意 答案

panisepic said:
Why are there 更多 homophobes and discrimination in the future; there is a lot going on now to end this so what happened to make it all turn this drastically south?
Why are they killed after a year?
Why do they have cat ears and tails?
Why are they the only ones with animal traits?
Why is Satan in this?
The heck, robot spy? Why a robot? 'Cause it's the future? What brought robot spies about?
How does this group, that has been locked up and shunned from society for at least year, escape and then build enough of a team to wage a war?

Not the worst but could use some 更多 explaining. I mean I understand that this is just a short 描述 but right now 你 seem to just have some unnecessary things if 你 don't have a good reason for them.
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posted 一年多以前 
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I was in a rush when I typed this, sorry. I'll explain it.
misscrazel posted 一年多以前
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I'm not quit sure on the first one, I'll work on it. They give them a 年 to try to become straight, but since 你 can't they end up killing them. In the future people ended up finding some 更多 fosil fules and combined human and animal DNAs. They're not, they're just the only main characters with it, one of them can turn itno a cat person. I'll explain in another 评论 box sice it's kinda long. I'll explain robot's in another one too. They're already big enough of a team, and they 加入 with another group of people later in the story.
misscrazel posted 一年多以前
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Thanks! I am working on the first one, I hadn't really thought about that. (^_^)
misscrazel posted 一年多以前
BlondLionEzel said:
I like it!
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posted 一年多以前 
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Thanks!
misscrazel posted 一年多以前
springely said:
Good so far, but in the future this is actually less likely to happen.
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posted 一年多以前 
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I know, but I'm still working a little on it.
misscrazel posted 一年多以前
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