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诗歌 问题

I just got done 写作 this free verse poem will 你 tell me what 你 think of it? I would really like some feed back its kinda long though (btw im 13 yrs old)

On the harsh nights of winter they run

running and panting to never return

snow shimmers as it falls in the night

展示 their breath and falling onto their soft fur

running,and running, to their unknown destination

no one cares from where they come

banned from society to burn

fearing of what comes in the light

torched and left in the dark

howling for mercy in which they never receive

feeling the gruesome pain a ton

left for death at every turn

dripping tears and scattered blood in a deadly fight

easily finding what's wrong but struggling to find what's right

fighting to live, fighting for forgiveness, fighting for love

snapping the twigs as they run seeming forever young

using the pain and regrets to learn

running into the woods out of sight

praying and crying that this horror ends

this is why the 狼 howl

they wait for a chance to be forgiven,

a single chance to be forgiven,

for a crime they never committed...
*
That's amazing! Kind of relatable
FalliNgSparks posted ·10个月前
 liveevil posted 一年多以前
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诗歌 答案

LaughingHyena said:
I don't think your poem is too long, it seems to be a good size and has really good descriptions and a kind of rhythm, which is a big part of free verse. I think it is a very good poem and has quite a lot of meaning; it could mean 狼 as in the animal, 或者 it could be referring to something 或者 someone else. My only suggestion for improvement is the use of capital letters; I don't think this is a major mistake 或者 anything as your spelling and grammar seems to be perfect everywhere else, but putting capital letters at the start of each word in each line might make it look a bit better, though that is only my suggestion and it is only a very minor flaw in my opinion. Well done! :)
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posted 一年多以前 
AlOoOosh said:
OMG this is great !! so great ...keep going ;)
你 made me speechless .
It is full of emotions and feelings :)
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posted 一年多以前 
Shakespeare97 said:
Your poem is really awesome and even breathtaking! I enjoyed it.Good work. I´m still beginner in 写作 poems, but I loved this one.

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posted 一年多以前 
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