Kiss on hoof: King Thorax
Hug: Kevin
Slap: Sky Stinger (when he was still proud)

Fluttershy
Rainbow Dash
Vapor Trail

Kiss: Vapor Trail (full on mouth kisses right in front of Sky)
Hug: Fluttershy
Slap: Rainbow Dash (sorry Dashie, I love you, but you aren't the other two)

Next up:
Carrot Cake
Cup Cake
Pinkie Pie

Easy.

Kiss: Pinkie Pie
Hug: Mr. Carrot Cake
Slap: Mrs. Cup Cake on her MILF plot.

Speaking of:

Twilight Velvet
Mrs. Shy
Princess Cadence

Haha, nice. Choosing between such lovely ladies is no easy task, but I did eventually come to a decision.

Kiss: Twilight Velvet
Hug: Mrs. Shy
Slap: Princess Candyass (I think we all know where I'd be slapping her)

Next up, keeping the MILF train running:
Button's Mom (has got it going on)
Floribunda (from the comics)
Cookie Crumbles

Easy again.

Kiss: Button's mom
Hug: Cookie Crumbles
Slap on plot: Floribunda

Let's do a few more:

Chrysalis
Cloudy Quartz
Spoiled Rich

I mean you put one of my favorite horses in there what else could be expected?

Kiss: Spoiled Rich (EVERYWHERE)
Hug: Chryssi
Slap: Cloudy Quartz (don't worry, she's into it. probably.)

Next up (unfortunately I can't use characters from Canadian episodes or one of my new favorites would be up here instead of Granny):
Stormy Flare
Sew-and-So (Granny Smith's mom from the Family Appreciation Day flashback)
Granny Smith (she can be young Granny Smith from the FAD flashback if you want)

Kiss: Stormy Flare
Hug: Granny Smith
Slap: Sew-and-So (for getting angry that her husband was respecting royalty.)

How about some Canterlot ponies now?

Sassy Saddles
Fleur de Lis
Upper Crust

Ooh, always up for some Canterlot ladies

Kiss: Sassy Saddles (seriously underappreciated horse)
Hug: Fleur (honestly I probably like her less than Upper Crust as a character but she seems nicer)
Slap: Upper Crust

Next up, some Canterlot ponies that don't fit the stereotype as much:
Lemon Hearts
Minuette
Moondancer

Kiss: Moondancer
Hug: Minuette
Slap: Lemon Hearts (don't get stuck in glass flasks next time!)

Let's do some cooks:

Saffron Masala
Donut Joe
Mrs. Cup Cake

Kiss: Cup Cake
Hug: Saffron Masala
Slap: Joe

It's been a little while since magic horses were up:
Starlight Glimmer
Sunset Shimmer
Twilight Sparkle

I wish I didn't have to slap any of them. I'd rather kiss them all, but can't do that either. So what to do to these three little lesbian ponies?

Kiss: Starlight Glimmer
Hug: Sunset Shimmer
Slap: Twilight Sparkle

Let's do some Pegasus ponies:

Spitfire
Angel Wings
Fluttershy

To quote Blackjack, "There's just something about fliers"

Kiss: Spitfire
Hug: Angel Wings
Slap: Fluttershy (don't worry there'd be aftercare. she's totally into that.)

Gonna keep it up with the horseflies:
Rainbow Dash
Thunderlane
Scootaloo

This is honestly harder than I thought it would be.

Kiss: Thunderlane
Hug: Scootaloo
Race: Rainbow Dash

More flying horsies!

Surprise (G1)
Thistle Whistle (G3)
Lightning Dust

Not too rough

Kiss: Lightning Dust
Hug: Thistle Whistle
Slap: Surprise (it'll be a surprise)

Next up, non-ponies:
Gilda
Little Strongheart
Zecora

Kiss: Zecora
Hug: Little Strongheart
Bake with: Gilda (I'd rather not slap her because if I did, she'd kill me.)

Let's do some yellow ponies:

Fluttershy
Ms. Peachbottom
Dr. Fauna

Tough

Kiss: Doctor Fauna
Hug: Ms. Peachbottom
Slap: Fluttershy (and spend the rest of my life apologizing)

Next, blue horses:
Trixie
Shoeshine
Minuette

Kiss: Minuette (and brush my teeth afterwards.)
Hug: Shoeshine
Slap: Trixie

Let's do some stallions:

Big Mac
Thunderlane
Fancy Pants

Kiss: Thunderlane (full-on deep mouth kisses with lots of tongue and spit-swapping, completely heterosexually)
Hug: Big Mac
Slap: Fancy Pants

Next up (I went on derpi and just hit random until i had three ponies)
Rarity
Derpy Hooves
Applejack

Kiss: Derpy
Hug: Applejack
Pose for: Rarara

Gloriosa Daisy
Zecora
Night Glider

Kiss: Night Glider
Hug: Zecora
Slap: Gloriosa

Next up, I know we just did MILFs, but c'mon, it's Mother's Day. Here are my top 3 (canon) MILFs:
Spoiled Rich
Twilight Velvet
Mrs. Shy

You'd slap Gloriosa?! But why?

As for the three victims:

Kiss: Mrs. Shy (she might get all flustered, though.)
Hug: Twilight Velvet
Ruin: Spoiled Rich (aka worst pony)

Let's do ex-villains:

Sunset Shimmer
Starlight Glimmer
Diamond Tiara

The only reason to slap Gloriosa is because she's not the other two.

Kiss: Diamond Tiara
Hug: Starlight Glimmer
Slap: Sunset Shimmer (for not going back through the portal when she had the chance)

The theme here revolves around a Canadian episode which just aired, but y'all should know the characters already:
Hoity Toity
Photo Finish
Applejack

Spoiler alert: Sunset Shimmer will go back to Horseland soon, just not now.

And as for the victims:

Kiss: Applejack
Hug: Photo Finish
Slap: Hoity Toity, but not too hard

Let's do some unslappable ponies!

Fluttershy
Marble Pie
Ms. Coco Pommel

>mean

Kiss: Coco
Hug: Marble
Slap: Flutterbutter (honestly she's probably the one who would take it the best)

Next up:
Twilight Sparkle
Discord
Princess Celestia

Kiss: Twilight Sparkle
Hug: Discord
Eat cake with: Celestia

Sassy Saddles
Zecora
Braeburn

But, but Twilight tho. What about Twilight?

Anyways,
Kiss: Sassy Saddles (seriously underappreciated character right here)
Hug: Zecora (I miss when she was on the show)
Slap: Braeburn (I want him back tho)

Next up (since Twilight got skipped last time):
Twilight Sparkle
Twist
Pinkie Pie

I fixed it now. Thanks for noticing my error. And Zecora will soon be in an episode this season.

As for the victims:

Kiss: Twilight Sparkle
Hug: Twist
Slap: Pinkie Pie (sorry, girl, but cool down once in a while!)

Let's do the Dazzlings:

Aria Blaze
Adagio Dazzle
Sonata Dusk (precious taco lover)

This took more thinking than I thought it would:

Kiss: Adagio (while I love Aria more, I'm afraid kissing her would get me slapped, and although I'm not entirely opposed to that idea, I'll play it safe)
Hug: Aria
Slap: Sonata

FINALLY I CAN DO THIS, next up:
Windy Whistles
Bow Hothoof
Rainbow Dash

But Sonata is too precious to be slapped!

Kiss: Windy Whistles, the new MILF
Hug: Bow Hothoof
Slap: Rainbow Dash (for blowing up in front of her parents and Scootaloo)

Moondancer
Lyra Heartstrings
Lemon Hearts

This was rough

Kiss: Moondancer (she's too much like me and it makes me sad)
Hug: Lemon Hearts (underrated)
Slap: Lyra (at least it's with hands)

Next up, characters who should really come back some time (actually one of them is back in a Canadian episode but my point stands):
Gilda
A parasprite
Hoity Toity

Kiss: Hoity Toity
Hug: Gilda
Feed: a parasprite

Applejack
Fluttershy
Raricow

Oh man, I friggin' love Raricow. Like we're not supposed to link to explicit material but there's this greentext with Raricow and AJ that just mmmmph. So good.

Kiss: Raricow
Hug: Fluttershy
Slap: AJ (right on her tight, toned plot)

Next up:
One Cutie Mark Crusader of your choice
Sapphire Shores
A Diamond dog

Kiss: Sapphire Shores
Hug: Sweetie Belle
Slap: a Diamond Dog

A Shadowbolt of your choice
A Dazzling of your choice
A princess of your choice

Hmm...

Kiss: Princess Cadance
Hug: Adagio Dazzle
Slap: Indigo Zap

Next up, we need more Appleloosa/Buffalo:
Little Strongheart
Chief Thunderhooves
Sheriff Silverstar

Kiss: Little Strongheart
Hug: Chief Thunderhooves
Slap: Sheriff Silverstar (jail would be worth it)

Night Glider
Sugar Belle
Feather (Brain) Bangs

Kiss: Sugar Belle (come at me Big Mac)
Hug: Night Glider (still pretty underappreciated character)
Slap: Feather Bangs (I love this character tho, as evidenced by the fact that he has been my icon for weeks now)

Next up:
Philomena
Prince Blueblood
Joe

Screw it.

Kiss: Donut Joe
Hug: Philomena (if she's not coughing on me)
Slap: Blueblood

Now you have to do the three mares that followed Feather Bangs.

Alright, so what their names are has been hotly debated between various 4chan people, so I'll just use both names on each.

Kiss: Twingo/Fond Feather
Hug: Clio/Dear Darling
Slap: Megane/Swoon Song

Next up:
Cherry Jubilee
Either one of the Flim Flam Brothers
Doctor Horse

Easy.

Kiss: Cherry Jubilee
Hug: Dr. Horse (unless you mean Dr. Whooves, who I'd still hug.)
I know you said either one, but I'd slap both of the Flim Flam Bros.

Diamond Tiara (the nice one)
Silver Spoon
Flurry Heart

I meant Dr. Horse.

Kiss: Silver Spoon
Hug: Diamond Tiara (if it was the pre-reformation one, I'd probably be switching her and Silver)
Slap: Flurry Heart (I don't WANT to hit a baby, but I can't hit DT or SS, so...)

Next up:
Ahuizotl
Iron Will
Garble

Kiss tailhand of: Ahuizotl
Hug: Garble (he probably needs one)
Slap: Iron Will

Principal Abacus Cinch
Ms. Harshwhinny
Prim Hemline

>not easy

Kiss: Prim Hemline
Hug: Ms. Harshwhinny (yo I actually had a dream about Harshy the other night that was pretty mmph)
Slap: Abacus Cinch

Next up:
A huge, gigantic, terrible, enormous, teeth-gnashing, sharp scale-having, horn-wearing, smoke-snoring, could-eat-a-pony-in-one-bite, totally-all-grown-up dragon
Gustave le Grand
Mulia Mild

Kiss: Mulia
Hug: Gustave
Fight: smoke breathing dragon

Lily Lace
Inky Rose
Strawberry Sunrise (slap her)

My opinions on 2/3 of these characters are exceedingly neutral

Kiss: Inky Rose
Hug: Lily Lace
Slap: Strawberry Sunrise

Next up:
Princess Cadance
Shining Armor
Queen Chrysalis

Kiss: Chrysalis (she probably needs a little comfort after being dethroned)
Hug: Princess Cadence
Slap: Shining Armor, the big dork

Dr. Fauna
Nurse Redheart
Nurse Sweetheart

DOCTOR, DOCTOR, GIMME THE NEWS

Kiss: Nurse Redheart
Hug: Nurse Sweetheart
Slap: Dr. Fauna (until her voice changes back to the old one)

Next up:
A changeling drone
King Sombra
An amnesiac crystal pony

Tough.

Kiss: Changling drone
Hug: amnesiac
Run from: King Sombra

Screw it. MILF time!

Windy Whistles
Mrs. Shy
Twilight Velvet

This was seriously really difficult

Kiss: Mrs. Shy
Hug: Twilight Velvet
Slap: Windy Whistles (seriously, I love Windy Whistles SOOO much, but I still think we need to see a little more of her before she passes the other two for me)

Next up:
Babs Seed
Trixie
Snips

Kiss on head: Babs Seed
Hug: Snips
Slap and run from: Trixie (listen to your girlfriend!)

Let's do some fathers:

Mr. Carrot Cake
Bow Hothoof
Filthy Rich

Hmmm...

Kiss: Bow Hothoof (best dad)
Hug: Carrot Cake
Slap: Filthy Rich (for being married to best pone)

Next up:
Snails
Princess Luna
A member of the Apple family of your choice (aside from AJ, Apple Bloom, or Big Mac)