After discussing dogs, it was time for Tom to talk about cats.
Tom: 猫 can't look at 你 like that, 猫 look at 你 coldly as if they're testing new eyes.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: 猫 can also increase the size of their pupils, it's the craziest thing ever! *Opens his eyes wide*
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: 猫 are cute, 猫 are goddamn cute. Isn't he cute?! God he's cute, look at 'im!! He's a kitty cat!! That's how cute they are, they needed two names.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Kitty wasn't cute enough. Kitty cat!! Kitty cat! Ain't he cute?! Let's DROWN HIM!!!!!!!!!
Crowd: *Laughing, and clapping*
Tom: Hang him up on a wall, see if he sticks up there! WHOOOOOOAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Crowd: *Cheering, and clapping*
Tom: *Talking in a southern accent* Look at that there kitty cat! They're so goddamn cute!!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: *Returns to normal accent* When they're teeny, I hope they stay that size forever.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: But I also 爱情 them because they're so physical. They 爱情 to rub on you. They spend so much time around your four legs. They 爱情 it! If 你 have a leg, and a cat, then 你 got yourself a party!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: *Walks around in a circle* Oh boy, oh boy! I 爱情 this leg! I'm rubbing myself on his leg, oh boy!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Now if 你 have two legs, it would be celebration time! *Walks around in a circle* Oh boy, oh boy! I got two legs now! I can do a figure 8!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: They 爱情 to do the figure 8. They'll rub against your leg even if you're not there yet.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: 你 might be 50 feet down the hall, they'll see 你 coming. Oh boy, oh boy!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Soon I'll be rubbing on his leg. They'll even walk sideways so they don't miss you.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: *Walks sideways across the stage* Oh boy oh boy. They 爱情 it.
Crowd: *Clapping*
Tom: 你 don't even have to pet a cat. 你 just put your hand out, and they'll do all the work.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: 你 ever pet a cat that's lying, 或者 standing with a straight back? Before you're halfway finished, his 屁股 is way up in the air.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: It's like 你 pressed the 屁股 button!
Crowd: *Laughing, and clapping*
Tom: *Pretending to pet a cat* Isn't he a cute- *Raises his hoof* HOLY SHIT!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: HOW DID HE DO THAT?!?!
Crowd: *Laughing, and clapping*
Tom: Then they jump on your chest, and put their 屁股 right in your face. Here's my 屁股 dad!!
The crowd laughed for a few seconds, then Tom continued.
Tom: And while they're 展示 你 their ass, they're doing this stuff. *Moves his front hooves back and forth while sticking out his tongue*
Crowd: *Laughing, and clapping*
Tom: At that point I'm like, get him off of me!! Good god I hate that!! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT IT IS, AND I DON'T LIKE IT!!!!!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Looked like they're into some bad drug.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: There's one other quality 猫 have. Which I admire.
After a two 秒 pause, Tom continued.
Tom: 猫 don't accept blame. They don't even get embarrassed. Cat does something dumb, 你 never know 由 looking at 'em. Dog knocks over a lamp, 你 can tell just 由 looking at the dog. *Looks at the ceiling while sticking his tongue out*
Crowd: *Quietly laughing*
Tom: Not the cat. Cat doesn't accept any blame, cat just moves on to the 下一个 activity. What's that? Not me, fuck that, I'm a cat.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Something break? Ask the dog. Cat doesn't get embarrassed. 你 ever see a cat race across a carpet, and crash into a glass door? Beoowwww!!!!!!!!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: I meant that, everything's okay, I meant to do that. That's exactly how I wanted that to look.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Then when they get behind the couch, they let out their screams of emotional depression where nopony can hear them.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: They're too proud to let 你 see them suffer. But if 你 look behind the couch, 你 can see your cat recuperating from a domestic accident.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: They get little slings, and walkers, 或者 armchairs.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Tried to make the window from the lamp!
Crowd: *Laughing*
The finale will be next.
2 B Continued
Tom: 猫 can't look at 你 like that, 猫 look at 你 coldly as if they're testing new eyes.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: 猫 can also increase the size of their pupils, it's the craziest thing ever! *Opens his eyes wide*
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: 猫 are cute, 猫 are goddamn cute. Isn't he cute?! God he's cute, look at 'im!! He's a kitty cat!! That's how cute they are, they needed two names.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Kitty wasn't cute enough. Kitty cat!! Kitty cat! Ain't he cute?! Let's DROWN HIM!!!!!!!!!
Crowd: *Laughing, and clapping*
Tom: Hang him up on a wall, see if he sticks up there! WHOOOOOOAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Crowd: *Cheering, and clapping*
Tom: *Talking in a southern accent* Look at that there kitty cat! They're so goddamn cute!!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: *Returns to normal accent* When they're teeny, I hope they stay that size forever.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: But I also 爱情 them because they're so physical. They 爱情 to rub on you. They spend so much time around your four legs. They 爱情 it! If 你 have a leg, and a cat, then 你 got yourself a party!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: *Walks around in a circle* Oh boy, oh boy! I 爱情 this leg! I'm rubbing myself on his leg, oh boy!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Now if 你 have two legs, it would be celebration time! *Walks around in a circle* Oh boy, oh boy! I got two legs now! I can do a figure 8!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: They 爱情 to do the figure 8. They'll rub against your leg even if you're not there yet.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: 你 might be 50 feet down the hall, they'll see 你 coming. Oh boy, oh boy!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Soon I'll be rubbing on his leg. They'll even walk sideways so they don't miss you.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: *Walks sideways across the stage* Oh boy oh boy. They 爱情 it.
Crowd: *Clapping*
Tom: 你 don't even have to pet a cat. 你 just put your hand out, and they'll do all the work.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: 你 ever pet a cat that's lying, 或者 standing with a straight back? Before you're halfway finished, his 屁股 is way up in the air.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: It's like 你 pressed the 屁股 button!
Crowd: *Laughing, and clapping*
Tom: *Pretending to pet a cat* Isn't he a cute- *Raises his hoof* HOLY SHIT!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: HOW DID HE DO THAT?!?!
Crowd: *Laughing, and clapping*
Tom: Then they jump on your chest, and put their 屁股 right in your face. Here's my 屁股 dad!!
The crowd laughed for a few seconds, then Tom continued.
Tom: And while they're 展示 你 their ass, they're doing this stuff. *Moves his front hooves back and forth while sticking out his tongue*
Crowd: *Laughing, and clapping*
Tom: At that point I'm like, get him off of me!! Good god I hate that!! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT IT IS, AND I DON'T LIKE IT!!!!!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Looked like they're into some bad drug.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: There's one other quality 猫 have. Which I admire.
After a two 秒 pause, Tom continued.
Tom: 猫 don't accept blame. They don't even get embarrassed. Cat does something dumb, 你 never know 由 looking at 'em. Dog knocks over a lamp, 你 can tell just 由 looking at the dog. *Looks at the ceiling while sticking his tongue out*
Crowd: *Quietly laughing*
Tom: Not the cat. Cat doesn't accept any blame, cat just moves on to the 下一个 activity. What's that? Not me, fuck that, I'm a cat.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Something break? Ask the dog. Cat doesn't get embarrassed. 你 ever see a cat race across a carpet, and crash into a glass door? Beoowwww!!!!!!!!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: I meant that, everything's okay, I meant to do that. That's exactly how I wanted that to look.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Then when they get behind the couch, they let out their screams of emotional depression where nopony can hear them.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: They're too proud to let 你 see them suffer. But if 你 look behind the couch, 你 can see your cat recuperating from a domestic accident.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: They get little slings, and walkers, 或者 armchairs.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Tried to make the window from the lamp!
Crowd: *Laughing*
The finale will be next.
2 B Continued