It was a beautiful 日 in Equestria. 彩虹 Dash, Applejack, and Rarity were sitting at a restaurant having lunch.
Applejack: Well, thanks 你 two for helping out at my farm.
彩虹 Dash: No problem.
Rarity: There was no problem for me either, except for...
彩虹 Dash: That's nothing to worry about. Besides, if 你 get it on you, 你 can just wash it off.
Applejack: I'm surprised 你 didn't wear that farming outfit 你 made when Trenderhoof was visiting.
Rarity: Oh yeah, about that...
Yesterday at Carousel Botique
Sweetie Belle: *Wearing Rarity's farming outfit* Howdy y'all. I'm Rarity, and I'm gonna pretend to be a farmer just to impress this stallion!
Applebloom & Scootaloo: *Laughing*
Sweetie Belle: 你 know, it's actually not easy to see in this thing. I got a better idea. Let's modify it so that it will fit us!
Back at the lunch.
Rarity: And while they were making it shorter, Sweetie Belle somehow ended up setting it on fire.
Applejack: How is that possible?
彩虹 Dash: Fireplace?
Gilda: *Arrives* 嘿 彩虹 Crash. Still hanging out with these lame ponies?
彩虹 Dash: They're not lame! They're my friends.
Rarity: And her name is 彩虹 Dash.
Gilda: Whatever. I 偷了 $1,000,000 from this rich stallion in Vanhoover, and got this awesome gem. The owner 说 it had some power, but I don't know what it does. Shall I try it out on you?
彩虹 Dash: No.
Gilda: Fine. I'll try it out on the three of 你 then. *Uses magic gem*
The gem teleported them into a grassy field. Nothing could be seen except for a faraway mountain, and some trees.
Gilda: Wait a minute.
Applejack: What the hay? *Looking around* Where are we?
Gilda: I don't know. This thing just ended up-
All of a sudden, a message started appearing into the ground.
The user of this gem has challenged 你 to a war. If 你 defeat the user, 你 may go home.
Gilda: Oh, so that's what it does.
Rarity: 你 never knew that until now?
Gilda: Well, the owner barely told me anything about the gem!
Two days ago.
Store owner: Remember, this gem can teleport you, and your enemies to any part of the past. The winner gets to go back into the present, but they have to kill their enemies first.
Now Gilda remembered.
Gilda: Oh. Looks like I remember now. We have to fight each other.
彩虹 Dash: Fine with me.
British Soldiers: *Arrive* Halt. What are 你 four doing here?
British Soldier: 你 four are underarrest.
Theme song: link
So the four of them got arrested, and were on a ship in sea.
Gilda: Where are we going?
British Soldier: To the United States of Equestria.
Applejack: What 年 is this?
British Soldier: 1745.
Rarity: 你 know what this means?
彩虹 Dash: We're in medieval times.
STH Productions Presents
Just Be Me
Episode 1: The Three Maresketeers
Based off of the video 由 AgrolChannel on youtube.
Also starring the Griffons
And stop the music.
Applejack, Gilda, 彩虹 Dash, and Rarity were brought into the docks of Ponyville on the ship they were put on.
British Soldier: Now don't come back to our country ever again 你 Equestrian scum.
Rarity: But I'm British too!
British Soldier: *Ignores Rarity* Let's go captain. We got everything we need.
British Captain: *Driving ship out of docks*
Jerry: *Sees Gilda* Griffon!!
Gilda: *Flies away*
Celestia's Soldiers: *Running towards Jerry*
Jerry: She's getting away.
彩虹 Dash: What's going on?
Jerry: 你 didn't hear? The griffons have waged war against us ponies. Their kingdom is near ours, and we cannot allow them to take any peice of our territory.
Applejack: What happens if they do?
Jerry: We kill them.
Rarity: Nngh. Isn't there a peaceful way to settle this?
Applejack: *Slaps Rarity* No! We have to kill them.
Jerry: *Looking at Applejack* I like your style, but 你 ladies are not allowed to fight.
彩虹 Dash, Applejack: What?!!?
Rarity: Well, I wouldn't want to fight anyway.
Applejack: Are 你 saying that we're not allowed to fight due to our gender?!
彩虹 Dash: I've dealt with many stereotypical situations, but this is crazy!
Jerry: I don't make the rules ma'am, 你 have to talk to Princess Celestia about this.
Applejack: Princess Celestia?
Rarity: She banished Princess Luna 800 years ago.
彩虹 Dash: Oh, right. Take us to her please.
Jerry: If 你 insist.
So Jerry, and a few other soldiers took them to Celestia's 城堡 in Canterlot.
Celestia: How dare those griffons attempt to attack us. They will realize their clumsy decision will give them nothing, but pain.
Soldier 24: Right-o your highness.
Jerry: *Arrives* Princess, visitors.
Celestia: What do they want to talk about?
彩虹 Dash: Hi Celestia.
Celestia: Who are you?
彩虹 Dash: 你 mean 你 don't remember?
Applejack: Take it easy Dash. I'm Applejack, this is 彩虹 Dash, and the white unicorn is Rarity.
Celestia: What do 你 want to talk about?
彩虹 Dash: Why can't mares fight? You're a princess, 你 should be giving us equal rights.
Celestia: It is not my decision on who gets to fight, 或者 not. 你 must talk to Lord Burlington.
Applejack: Jerry 说 we had to talk to you.
Jerry: Uh.. I forgot?
Celestia: Take them to Lord Burlington.
Jerry: Yes your highness.
Rarity: Lord Burlington?
彩虹 Dash: I wonder what he's like.
They were soon about to find out.
Lord Burlington: *Sitting in big red chair* What do those griffons have planned?
Pete: We don't know. They could do anything.
Lord Burlington: Then we must warn everypony immediately. If those griffons try to-
Jerry: *Enters room* Sir, three ponies want to talk to you.
Lord Burlington: What do 你 want?
彩虹 Dash: The three of us want to fight in this war.
Lord Burlington: 你 three? *Laughing* This is an outrage. No mare is capable of fighting.
Rarity: He's right, so why don't we go home?
Lord Burlington: Yes. Go home, and get back to working where 你 belong.
Applejack: Oh yeah? *Grabs axe, and throws it at Lord Burlington*
Lord Burlington: *Ducks, and doesn't get hit from axe. He then sees that it has stuck to his chair* Okay, you're in.
In the Griffon Kingdom, Gilda was meeting other griffons in her army.
Gilda: *Walks into castle* Hello?
Tomtom: Another griffon has arrived sir.
McKing: Ah, hello madam. What can I do for you?
Gilda: I need to 加入 your army in order to defeat the ponies.
McKing: Well, I don't think that's possible. 你 see-
Gilda: *Choking McKing* Let me join, 或者 else.
McKing: *Coughing* Okay.
Gilda: That's 更多 like it.
McKing: Meet some of my trusted soldiers. Over there is Tomtom.
McKing: Over here is Max.
Max: Good 日 to 你 ma'am.
Gilda: Aren't 你 a little too fat to be in an army?
Porter: No, that's just so that it'll be difficult for any arrows to kill me. My stomach is so big, that it just reflects every 《绿箭侠》 shot towards me.
Gilda: I don't believe you.
Porter: Fine. *Stands up against wall*
Tomtom: *Gives Gilda a bow & arrow*
Porter: Now shoot my stomach.
Gilda: If 你 say so. *Shoots arrow*
The 《绿箭侠》 bounced right off of Porter's stomach.
Porter: Need I say more?
Gilda: No. You've convinced me.
McKing: Now if you're done shooting arrows at Porter's stomach, there are two others I want 你 to meet. Lucifer, who is an expert on cannons.
Lucifer: Right-o. If 你 need to know anything about a cannon, ask me.
McKing: And last, but not least is Mike.
Gilda: Nice to meet you.
Mike: *Holding a toy tommy gun* I'm going to kill you.
McKing: Mike, how many times do I have to tell you, that thing will never work. Nopony would ever want this so called weapon.
Mike: Maybe not now, but they will within two hundred years from now.
McKing: Anything 你 say Mike.
After 彩虹 Dash, Applejack, and Rarity joined Lord Burlington's army, they went to meet other soldiers.
Lord Burlington: What are 你 going to do when we start attacking.
彩虹 Dash: Just being me.
Applejack: Yup. Same here.
Rarity: Me too.
Lord Burlington: What's that supposed to mean?
彩虹 Dash: You'll see when we start fighting.
Lord Burlington: Something tells me I don't want to see.
Applejack: We promise, having us in your army will be the greatest decision 你 ever made.
Lord Burlington: Why do I find that hard to believe. Well, here's a few of our soldiers 你 haven't met. Archer here is very skilled with a bow & arrow.
Archer: Nice to meet 你 three. I hope 你 don't plan on joining us anytime soon.
Lord Burlington: Easy Lieutenant. 你 won't be happy with what the 橙子, 橙色 one plans on doing to 你 if 你 keep criticizing them about being here to help us stop those griffons.
Archer: Sorry sir. Anyway, my name is Archer. If 你 want to know anything about using a bow & arrow, come to me.
彩虹 Dash: Sure. *Sees golden arrows* That looks awesome.
Archer: 你 like that? I'll make some for 你 if you'd like.
彩虹 Dash: Yeah.
Applejack: *Sees Archer's eyes* How did your eyes become like that?
Archer: Long story, but to make it short, I killed a changeling when it bit my leg.
Lord Burlington: Okay ladies, follow me this way.
彩虹 Dash, Applejack, and Rarity: *Following Lord Burlington*
Lord Burlington: We have another expert named Silver. He's an expert on armor.
Lord Burlington: What's so funny?
Rarity: I have a friend who has a brother named Shining Armor.
Lord Burlington: That sounds like a stupid name. Hopefully, he doesn't get married to a princess.
Silver: *Walks over* The expert on armor that the lord was talking about is me.
Rarity: *Falling in 爱情 with Silver*
Applejack: Uh oh.
彩虹 Dash: 你 remember what happened last time Rarity fell in 爱情 with a stallion?
Applejack: Ngh. Don't remind me. She did the same thing to Big Macintosh.
彩虹 Dash: Ew.
Rarity: I heard 你 two!
Lord Burlington: Ladies, follow me.
The four of them went to see the expert on cannons, Kan Can.
Lord Burlington: Kan Can, stop working on that blasted weapon, and come to me.
Kan Can: *Under a cannon* Sorry sir, unfortunately, I got something in my eyes while working on this thing, and I can't see.
Lord Burlington: Just follow my voice.
Kan Can: Okay. *Bangs head on cannon*
Lord Burlington: You'll have to excuse him. He's a little... Clumsy.
彩虹 Dash: And 你 thought we wouldn't be good soldiers.
Applejack: *Notices that Kan Can has no tail* I don't trust him.
Rarity: Whyever not?
Applejack: He has no tail. Never trus-
彩虹 Dash: *Covers Applejack's mouth* Okay, remember what happened last time 你 说 that?
Applejack: I 迷失 my tail, and everypony made fun of me. Nopony ever lets me forget that.
Lord Burlington: And that's it. Welcome, and I hope 你 three enjoy working in my army.
But Rarity was still annoyed about 彩虹 Dash, and 苹果白兰地 with talking about her behind her back. She had plans to find out why they did so.
That night, while everypony was asleep, Rarity was thinking about how to find out why 彩虹 Dash, and 苹果白兰地 were talking about her behind her back.
Rarity: Hmm, I can't think of anything. They just talked about me falling in 爱情 with Sliver, and probably... doing Rule 34 related stuff to him, but I don't care, that's just me. Wait a minute, I got it! They think I'm a Rule 34 addict, and that's why they were talking behind my back. *Goes out of her room to find 彩虹 Dash, and Applejack*
下一个 morning, Princess Celestia was having breakfast, when Lord Burlington arrived.
Lord Burlington: Princess, those three mares are not here.
Celestia: What do 你 mean?
Lord Burlington: They left! I knew they weren't good enough to be in this army.
Celestia: Perhaps they left to get 更多 supplies.
But they didn't. While 彩虹 Dash, and 苹果白兰地 were sleeping, Rarity kidnapped them, and put them in a nearby tower.
彩虹 Dash: *Wakes up* I'm feeling happy today, and- *Notices she's in a bag with Applejack* AJ? Wake up!
Applejack: *Wakes up* Is it time to collect apples? I'm on it Big Mac.
彩虹 Dash: No! It's me 彩虹 Dash. We're stuck together in a bag, and I don't know why.
Applejack: *Realizes she is in a terrible situation* Why are we in a bag?
Rarity: Because I put 你 in there.
彩虹 Dash: Why?
Rarity: Because 你 说 bad things about me behind my back. What were they?
Applejack: It was nothing.
彩虹 Dash: We were just talking about how 你 were going to mas-
Applejack: *Slaps 彩虹 Dash* Not here. We'll get punished for saying things like that.
彩虹 Dash: Then let's get out of here.
Applejack: But we have to kill Gilda first.
彩虹 Dash: Why don't we kill Rarity first?
Applejack: Well. Now that 你 think about it...
Rarity: oh no.
Applejack: She did tie us up into this bag for no reason, so let's kill her.
Rarity: No! *Teleports from tower to ground*
The other two ponies got out of the bag, and looked for Rarity.
彩虹 Dash: She's gone.
Applejack: It's all your fault!
彩虹 Dash: My fault? I was literally the only one trying to get us out!
Applejack: I helped!
彩虹 Dash: Barely! *Flies out of tower, and goes to another tower*
Rarity: 彩虹 Dash, what are 你 doing?
Applejack: *Shoots 《绿箭侠》 at 彩虹 Dash*
The 《绿箭侠》 hit the wall, and was stuck between two bricks.
彩虹 Dash: Nice try Applejackass! *Shoots 大炮, 加农炮 at Applejack*
Applejack: *Ducks* 你 missed!
Rarity: I must stop them. *Sees another tower, then runs into it* I must stop them before they kill each other.
彩虹 Dash, and 苹果白兰地 were now shooting flaming arrows at each other.
彩虹 Dash & Applejack: *Shoots flaming 《绿箭侠》 at the same time*
彩虹 Dash: Stop making your 《绿箭侠》 hit my arrow!
Applejack: I will when 你 stop!
彩虹 Dash & Applejack: *Shoots flaming 《绿箭侠》 at the same time*
Rarity: *Gets to the 最佳, 返回页首 of her tower, and sees fight* They're not even hitting each other. *Grabs cannon*
彩虹 Dash: Hey, Rarity's pointing a 大炮, 加农炮 at us!
Applejack: Us? She's pointing it at me! *Shoots flaming 《绿箭侠》 at Rarity*
Rarity: *Uses magic to get rid of flames on arrow, and turns the 《绿箭侠》 into a shiny fork* A few more, and then I can have a lovely dinner.
彩虹 Dash: *Shoots flaming 《绿箭侠》 at Rarity*
Rarity: *Uses magic to get rid of flames on arrow, and turns the 《绿箭侠》 into a shiny spoon* One 更多 《绿箭侠》 please. I insist!
彩虹 Dash & Applejack: *Shoots flaming 《绿箭侠》 at Rarity at the same time*
Rarity: *Stops both arrows, and turns both of them into a shiny plate* Are 你 finished?
And so, they stopped fighting, and walked back to Celestia's castle.
After 彩虹 Dash, Applejack, and Rarity fought each other, they went back to Celestia's castle.
Celestia: What happened?
Lord Burlington: Where did 你 three go?
彩虹 Dash: Rarity kidnapped us for no reason.
Rarity: My reason, was because 你 were talking about me behind my back.
Applejack: That's a dumb reason.
Lord Burlington: I agree with the 橙子, 橙色 one.
Rarity: Why? Doesn't anyone agree with me?
Applejack: 你 planned on doing something horrible to Silver.
Lord Burlington: What did she have planned?
彩虹 Dash: Oh 你 had something planned alright. What was it?
Rarity: Nnnnhhhh. Something related to innapropriate material that isn't allowed to be mentioned, but is being mentioned anyway, because I'm a Sex Addict!
Celestia, and Lord Burlington's mouth dropped open, and fell on the floor.
Rarity: Oh shit.
Celestia: She's a sex addict?
彩虹 Dash: We prefer the term rule 34. Now, let us talk to Rarity alone.
Celestia, & Lord Burlington: *Leaving the room*
Applejack: Okay, they're gone.
彩虹 Dash: What the fuck were 你 thinking?
Rarity: I was nervous!
Applejack: Don't 你 realize that they could execute 你 for being addicted to sex?
Rarity: No. *Thinking* Oh, right. We're in mideival times.
彩虹 Dash: And we're stuck in mideival times, until we kill Gilda. Now, we can't do that if 你 get us executed for being a rule 34 addict.
Rarity: I'm the one being executed, not you.
Applejack: Let's just get this over with.
Celestia: *Returns* I heard the entire conversation.
彩虹 Dash: 你 did?
Applejack: But 你 were-
Celestia: In another room with Lord Burlington, yes I know. So you're from the future, and can't get back there until 你 kill this griffon named Gilda. Is that correct?
彩虹 Dash: Yeah.
Celestia: Then I will explain everything to Lord Burlington, and the both of us will help.
Rarity: Thank you.
Celestia: No problem.
Things seemed to be getting easier for Applejack, 彩虹 Dash, and Rarity. But the fight was about to start soon.
Everypony at Celestia's 城堡 was ready for the fight, as the Griffons were getting close to attacking them.
Lord Burlington: Get the cannons ready!
Celestia: Get the cannons ready.
Kan Can: Get the cannons ready. *Getting 大炮, 加农炮 ready, but accidentally falls off of the castle*
Lord Burlington: Anymore clumsy ponies like him, and we'll never win.
彩虹 Dash: At least 你 got us.
Lord Burlington: Yeah. What was it 你 three 说 你 were going to do to win this war?
彩虹 Dash: Just.
Gilda: Load up the catapults!
Griffons: *Loading up catapults*
Archer: They're 下载 the catapults sir.
Lord Burlington: 火, 消防 the cannons!
Ponies: *Shooting cannons*
Griffons: They're firing cannons at us!
Gilda: Shoot those rocks at them.
Griffons: *Shooting rocks with catapults*
Some of the rocks were hitting some of the bombs shot 由 cannons, and a few mid air explosions occurred.
Archer: With your permission, my archery team will take them down.
Lord Burlington: Archers, ready.
Archer, and other ponies carrying bow & arrows: *Readying bows*
Lord Burlington: Aim.
Archery Ponies: *Pulling back arrows*
Lord Burlington: Fire!
Archery Ponies: *Firing arrows at griffons*
彩虹 Dash: What about us?
Lord Burlington: 你 three must put on armor, get a sword, and shield.
Rarity: Are we... *Gulp* Fighting them out there?
Lord Burlington: Yes 你 are Miss. I 爱情 mas*****ting to stallions I barely know. Get out there.
Applejack: Let's do this.
So the three ponies went to get what they needed.
Griffon 4: *Gets killed 由 arrow*
Gilda: Use your shield 你 careless saps!
Griffons: She's right. Use the shields.
Tomtom: You're a good leader.
Gilda: Yeah, I know.
McKing: Ma'am, we're getting 更多 casualties.
Gilda: How is this possible? We should be winning.
Tomtom: Maybe, because we're outnumbered.
McKing: Hey, you're right. Where's Mike?
Lucifer: I don't see him.
Mike was at their castle, modifying his toy tommy gun.
Mike: Yes. This is good. Now I'll 显示 the others that I mean business with this. Look out everypony. *Grabs toy tommygun* I'm going to kill you.
Back at the battle.
彩虹 Dash: This is gonna be so awesome.
Rarity: Awesome? We're going to die.
Applejack: No we're not. We're going to win.
彩虹 Dash: Charge! *Charges towards Griffons*
苹果白兰地 & Rarity: *Following 彩虹 Dash*
Gilda: There they are.
McKing: Shoot them.
Griffons: *Shooting arrows at 彩虹 Dash, Applejack, and Rarity* It's not working. Our arrows keep hitting their armor.
Porter: They're not even slowing down.
彩虹 Dash: *Raises sword* Yeah!!
Gilda: Oh god.
彩虹 Dash: *Stabs Porter's stomach*
Porter: *Feels sword hit stomach*
彩虹 Dash: Wait a minute.. *Gets sent flying backwards due to the impact on Porter's stomach*
Porter: I told 你 it was a good thing to be fat.
Applejack: *Cuts Porter's head off with sword*
Gilda: Yeah. *Grabs sword* 你 ready to "Square dance" redneck?
Applejack: *Swings sword at Gilda*
Rarity: *Kills two griffons* I can't believe I'm doing this. It's so unladylike.
Gilda: *Continues swordfight with Applejack*
Applejack: *Kicks griffon, then jumps up in air*
Gilda: *Swings sword*
Applejack: *Blocks attack*
McKing: Tomtom, help Gilda defeat that 橙子, 橙色 pony.
Tomtom: Yes sir.
彩虹 Dash: *Returns, and kills Tomtom* Did 你 miss me?
Applejack: Practically. *Gets kicked 由 Gilda*
彩虹 Dash: Hey! Nopony does that to my friend!
Gilda: What are 你 going to do about it?
彩虹 Dash: Just be me.
彩虹 Dash: *Hits Gilda with sword*
Lord Burlington: *Watching fight* This is great. Does anypony have popcorn?
Celestia: What is that?
Lord Burlington: It's... Never mind.
The fight continued, and Gilda was getting beat 由 彩虹 Dash.
McKing: Can anypony help Gilda?
Gilda: Why can't 你 help me?
McKing: Because I have to give orders to the griffons killing those ponies.
Gilda: Well hurry up so that 你 can help me!
彩虹 Dash: *Hits Gilda's wing*
Applejack: *Killing griffons*
Rarity: *Hiding under bridge* I shouldn't be fighting....
彩虹 Dash: *Continues fighting Gilda*
Gilda: *Blocking attacks*
McKing: Max, how many soldiers do we have left?
Max: Only twelve.
McKing: Then 取消 the attack on the castle. We must help Gilda.
Applejack: *Kills McKing*
Lucifer: Our boss is dead!
Max: But he wasn't our boss. It's Gilda.
The sword fight was getting intense.
彩虹 Dash: *Blocking Gilda's attacks*
Applejack: Need any help RD?
彩虹 Dash: No, just keep those other griffons off my back.
Applejack: 你 got it. *Kills griffons*
Rarity: *Continues hiding under a bridge*
Applejack: Rarity, where are you?!
Rarity: *Stay silent*
Applejack: I think they killed her. She'll have to stay here for the rest of her life.
Rarity: *Comes out from under bridge* I'm here, don't leave without me!
Applejack: We weren't.
Gilda: *Punches 彩虹 Dash*
彩虹 Dash: *Has her 头盔 fall off* That can't be good.
Gilda: *Punches 彩虹 Dash again*
彩虹 Dash: Oh! *Her nose starts to bleed*
Rarity: Leave Dashie alone!!
Applejack: Don't worry about her. She's gonna die if we don't kill the other griffons.
Rarity: Then in that case, Hya! *Using karate moves to attack griffons*
Applejack: Couldn't have 说 it better myself.
彩虹 Dash: *Pushing her sword against Gilda's*
Gilda: When are 你 going to give up?
彩虹 Dash: I don't know what that means so I'll never do it. *Draws back sword quickly, then hits Gilda's back legs*
Gilda: Ah! *Falls on ground*
Applejack: *Kills the last griffon* Now, we need to kill Gilda.
彩虹 Dash: With pleasure. *About to kill Gilda*
Gilda: *Closes her eyes*
Then, the sound of twenty bullets being shot from a tommygun could be heard.
彩虹 Dash: *Looks at Mike*
Mike: *Carrying toy tommygun, and looks at Gilda* I told ya I was going to kill you.
彩虹 Dash: But this is 1745. 枪 aren't supposed to exist yet.
Mike: But I killed Gilda.
Applejack: But, you're on the same side as her.
Mike: So? She didn't think this invention of mine would work.
Rarity; What are 你 going to call it?
Mike: Hmm, I don't know. I think I'll call it Thomas.
彩虹 Dash: How about the Tommygun?
Mike: Hey, that's a brilliant idea.
Then all of a sudden, Rarity, 彩虹 Dash, and 苹果白兰地 started to be lifted slowly up into the air, and then they dissapeared.
Carousel Botique, August 8, 2014.
Rarity: *Appears with 彩虹 Dash, and Applejack*
Sweetie Belle: Rarity, where have 你 three been?
Rarity: Playing with my friends.
Sweetie Belle: Oh. Applebloom, and Scootaloo went 首页 already, so would 你 like to play with me?
Rarity: Of course darling.
彩虹 Dash: Well, I guess there's no sense in us staying here anymore.
Applejack: Nope. *Leaves Carousel Botique with 彩虹 Dash*
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