I was watching 动画片 with AJ in the living room when there was a knock on the front door. I answered it to see Debbie's standing there with the biggest smile on her face. I raised my eyebrows and 说 "I haven't seen 你 smile that big since 你 told me 你 were pregnant with AJ. What's going on Debbie?" She whispered "I'm pregnant again Michael!" I immediately jumped up and down as I shouted "I told 你 it would work! 你 wanted to give up after 你 couldn't get pregnant a couple weeks ago; but I told 你 it would work!" She 说 "I was just worried because I'm getting older and my fertility isn't as good as it used to be. I'm just glad that I can give 你 the third of your three beautiful 婴儿 Michael."
I hugged her and she got ready to leave because she had to get to work. I went back into the living room and sat down 下一个 to AJ on the couch. I 说 "you're going to have another brother 或者 sister soon AJ." She looked at me and 说 "yay; I'm going to be a big sister again!" I 说 "I think Grace is going to be surprised when she comes back tomorrow." AJ had a worried expression on her face and asked "why is she coming back daddy? 你 aren't going back to work are you?" I 说 "no I'm not AJ; don't worry! I'm not working for a while because I need to take a break after being busy for so long!" She sighed and 说 "good daddy; I don't want to be away from 你 ever again!" I 说 "you're going to have to be away from me at some point AJ!" She asked "why? You're my best friend daddy!" That made me almost want to cry because I had no idea that AJ thought of me as her best friend. I hugged her and 说 "you're my best friend too AJ!"
***
It's the beginning of June and there's been really good weather lately; so I decided to take the children outside. I like bringing AJ outside; but most of the time she makes me nervous because she doesn't like to listen to me. Neverland ranch is a really big place and I'm terrified that one 日 she will get 迷失 because she's not listening to me and staying close by; where I can see her. Grace is here today and I'm glad because she can help me keep an eye on both AJ and Prince.
As soon as we got outside, AJ asked "can we go swimming?" I walked over to the pool and it was still covered up 由 a tarp because it had been raining. I lifted the edge of the tarp up and saw that the water was a disgusting green color. I knelt down 下一个 to AJ and 说 "we have to wait until one of the maintenance staff members clean it out because the water is all gross; I'm sorry AJ." To my surprise, AJ took the disappointment very well and started playing with the sidewalk chalk that was on the driveway. Grace was as surprised as I was and the two of us were waiting for the usual meltdown to happen.
I sat down 下一个 to Grace at the picnic 表 and she 说 "I can't believe that she didn't throw a fit Michael!" I 说 "I know; me either! Maybe today is going to be a good 日 for AJ." Grace looked over my shoulder and 说 "I wouldn't get your hopes up Michael; look." AJ had found a 网球 ball outside and was trying to throw it over the fence where my pet lama lives. Thankfully, she's only three years old and she's obviously too short to throw it over the 最佳, 返回页首 of the fence. I walked up to her and knelt down 下一个 to her as I asked "what are 你 doing that for AJ?" She 说 " I’m trying to play catch with him!" I chuckled and 说 "good luck with that kiddo! He's a lama; not a puppy." She started to get frustrated which is always the precursor to the inevitable meltdown and I haven't quite figured out how to avoid the temper tantrums. I myself am a very logical person and I always try to understand where AJ is coming from.
I could tell she was getting 更多 and 更多 aggravated when she couldn't get the 网球 ball over the 最佳, 返回页首 of the fence; so I 说 "it's not going to work AJ! Plus, it wouldn't be very nice to throw a ball at him. Would 你 like that if I threw a ball at 你 and 你 couldn't catch it?" She responded "maybe; but I'm not going to throw it at him daddy! I want him to catch it!" I 说 "it's not going to work AJ because he's not a dog!" She started crying and I picked her up. She 说 "daddy, I want my own pet like 你 have!" I thought about it for 秒 and realized it might be a good negotiating tool to get AJ to listen to me because I'm running out of ideas and I'm desperate to get her to listen to me.
I 说 "I don't know AJ; I'll think about it!" Grace looked at me and whispered "are 你 crazy Michael?" I put AJ down on the ground and she ran off to go play with some of her toys. I walked up to Grace and she asked "you are not seriously considering getting a pet for three-year-old are you?" I 说 "I obviously know that I'm going to be taking care of it most of the time because she's so young; but most kids her age have a pet." She 说 "I don't think 你 know what you're getting yourself into Michael; but do whatever 你 want to."
***
Okay here's the deal, yesterday I bought AJ a pet goldfish because I thought it would be easy for me to take care of. Apparently I was wrong because when I got up this morning it was dead. Maybe this idea of getting a pet wasn't as good as I thought as it would be. Now I have to have a discussion about life-and-death with my three-year-old. I didn't even know if I really should say anything because I don't think she's going to be able to understand. Maybe I could use the whole "your 鱼 went to live on a farm" excuse; but I don't like lying to AJ. I don't know what I'm going to do.
AJ came downstairs with her hair all a mess and still looking half-asleep. She stumbled up to me and I picked her up as I kissed her forehead. She asked "how's Mr. fishy daddy? Did he get enough sleep?" I 说 to myself "yeah; maybe a bit too much sleep." I brought AJ into the living room and sat her down on my lap as I sat down on the couch. I 说 "Mr. fishy; he told me that he needed to go to heaven and he wanted me to tell 你 that he loves 你 a lot." She asked "will he come back?" I thought about it for 秒 and 说 "I'm sorry but no he won't; but you'll see him again someday!"
She surprisingly didn't ask any 更多 问题 because I don't think she really understood what had happened to the 鱼 and I'm glad that she didn't understand. I think it will be a long time before I feel comfortable buying AJ another pet because I have a feeling that as she gets older she will have many 更多 问题 than she did today. I'm just glad that that's over with because I was so worried that she would cry and it hurts me so much to hear her cry because she's my baby.
***
I was upstairs in my room practicing dance steps because I was bored and I didn't notice that AJ had walked into the room. She was sitting on the floor and watching me with her full attention. I stopped dancing for a 秒 because I was surprised that she wasn't fidgeting like she normally would be due to her ADHD. She 说 "daddy, I want to be just like 你 when I grow up!" I asked curiously "oh yeah; in what ways?" She 说 "I want to be famous daddy! I want to be a dancer and a singer like 你 are!" The only words I heard out of her mouth were "I want to be famous daddy" and I was stuck on that phrase. I was terrified because being famous isn't an easy thing; especially when you're as famous as I am. I had to give up so many things to get to where I am now and I honestly don't want that for my daughter.
I sat down on the floor 下一个 to her and 说 "well; you're only three years old right now and 你 have plenty of time to figure out what 你 want to be when 你 grow up AJ. Whatever 你 decide to be know that I'll support 你 no matter what! Just know that I want 你 to try your absolute hardest in whatever 你 do in life because that's what's going to get 你 anything 你 ever want and/or need." She looked at me confused and then I remembered that I was talking to a three-year-old; not a 20-year-old." I picked her up and took her downstairs to get something to eat because neither of us had eaten lunch yet.
After sitting her at the table, I went into the 厨房 and looked to see what we had to eat. It'd been a while since I had one of the Neverland staff members go grocery shopping; so we didn't really have much. I absolutely hate giving AJ 破烂, 垃圾 食物 but I didn't really have any other choice because the person that usually does my grocery shopping had today off. The healthiest thing that I have left to give AJ for lunch was a 花生 牛油, 黄油 and 果冻 三明治 and some potato chips.
I'll be honest and tell 你 that it's been a very long time since I've made myself 或者 anyone else a 三明治 and AJ was surprised when she took the first bite of the sandwich. I looked at AJ and asked "what's wrong?" She spit the bite out onto her plate and 说 "way too much 花生 牛油, 黄油 daddy!" I chuckled and 说 "oh; sorry about that. Daddy a little rusty when it comes to making sandwiches; it's been a while." I grabbed the plate from her and started making her another 三明治 because I knew she couldn't continue to eat the other one. I brought it back to the 表 and she took a bite. I asked "how's that?" She 说 "much better daddy; much better!"
***
My birthday is tomorrow and I'm looking 前锋, 期待 to just relaxing with the children for the day. There was a knock at the front door so I got up to answer it and Frank was standing there. I asked "Frank; what are 你 doing here? I'm not supposed to start working again for 3 1/2 更多 months." Frank responded "your mother called me last week and told me that she thinks 你 need a break; so I'm taking 你 on a only guys vacation for the weekend." I was hesitant and asked "what do 你 expect me to do with the children?" He 说 "well of course bring them over to 你 mothers because she is the one who asked me to take 你 on a vacation in the first place."
I realized that Frank and my mother had been planning this for an entire week and I couldn't refuse because they had put so much time into it. I went upstairs and packed the bags of things for the children. After packing my bag, I went back downstairs and Frank had already carried AJ to the car. I took Prince to the car and I didn't tell AJ what was going to happen because I knew regardless that AJ would freak out.
When we got to Havenhurst, I helped bring the children inside and I knew I couldn't avoid telling AJ what was going to happen. I knelt down in front of her and 说 "I'm going to go somewhere with Frank for two days and you're going to stay here with grandma." AJ immediately started crying and I picked her up. I 说 "I always come back AJ! Grandma's going to have fun with 你 and I promise that I'll call 你 every night before 你 go to bed!" Mother grabbed AJ out of my arms and 说 "go ahead Michael; have fun! I'll get AJ to calm down. I have it under control!"
My 心 was tearing to pieces as I heard AJ crying "daddy; stay here!" Frank gently pushed me out of the door because I was so reluctant to leave AJ while she was crying. As we got into the car and Jeffrey started driving, Frank could see that I was visibly upset. I started tearing up and rubbing my eyes. Frank put his hand on my shoulder and 说 "AJ's fine Michael; I promise!" I 说 "I know that she's in the best hands with my mother; but it's just so hard leaving the children with anyone!" Frank 说 "I know; but it's better that AJ gets used to being away from 你 now because it's going to be 更多 difficult to handle the separation anxiety when she gets older Michael. We're only going to be 45 分钟 away at a 海滩 house; so if something does go wrong 你 can be there." I 说 "okay; that makes me feel at least a little bit better."
Jeffrey pulled up in front of a beachfront house and all of us got out of the car. I walked inside the 海滩 house and 说 "wow Frank; 你 really outdid yourself!" He 说 "only the best for 你 Michael!" Frank opened up the refrigerator and tossed me a wine cooler. I 说 "I don't know about this Frank! I haven't had a drink since before AJ was born." Frank sat down 下一个 to me on the 长椅, 沙发 and 说 "that's exactly why 你 need to drink that!" I popped it open and hesitated before taking a sip. I 说 "WOW; that stronger than I expected it to be!"
I looked out the window and didn't even notice that we were on our own little private section of the beach. Frank stood 下一个 to me at the window and 说 "you, Jeffrey, and I should go down there Michael!" I 说 "okay; I'll meet 你 guys down there." While they went down to the beach, I couldn't help but call mother to see how the kids were doing. I dialed the phone number and sat back down on the couch. Mother asked "is everything alright Michael?" I 说 "yes mother; I'm just wondering how the kids are doing? Did AJ calm down? Did she stop crying?" She 说 "yes Michael; she's perfectly fine! She's watching a movie with me right now." I asked "can I talk to her?" She passed AJ the phone and I 说 "hi AJ; I miss you!"
Frank walked back inside the 海滩 house and 说 "come on Mike; what's taking 你 so long?" He saw that I had the phone and took it out of my hands. I 说 "what? I was just checking up on the kids!" Frank put the phone up to his ear and 说 "give the phone back to grandma. Hello Katherine; I just want to that 你 will not answer the phone if Michael calls 你 before 7 o'clock at night because he needs a break. Okay; thanks a lot and I'll have him call the children later tonight." I asked "what did 你 do that for? I was just talking to AJ for a few minutes." He 说 "you need to relax Michael and trust that your mother can handle the kids. Did 你 forget that she raised you? A couple of days with your kids is nothing to her!" I 说 "but what if AJ –?" He 说 "your mother has everything under control Michael; just relax!" I exhaled and 说 "I hate to admit it but I think you're right! The kids do need a little bit of time away from me; especially AJ because her separation anxiety is getting a little crazy. It's only for two days and I don't think she's going to be scarred for life if she's away from me for that long." Frank 说 "that's the spirit Mike! 你 need a couple days without boogers and temper tantrums!"
I chuckled and 说 "boogers and tantrums isn't everything that I deal with all 日 as a father!" Frank 说 "no; that's pretty accurate!" I 说 "no; not really." He sat down 下一个 to me on the 长椅, 沙发 and Jeffrey came back inside. Jeffrey asked "what's taking 你 guys so long?" Frank 说 "sorry Jeff; Michael doesn't think that his life has gotten boring since the children have been born. Maybe 你 could shed a little light on the subject because 你 spend even 更多 time with him than I do. Jeffrey sat in the chair and 说 "sorry Mike; but I have to be honest and say that I agree with Frank on this one. 你 used to hang out with the two of us a lot 更多 before 你 had either of the kids; but especially AJ!" I looked at him confused and asked "what 你 mean 由 'especially AJ?'" Jeffrey 说 "well; I wouldn't be a true friend if I wasn't completely honest with you. The truth is that you're kind of a pushover Mike."
I was glad that Jeffrey was being honest with me and I didn't want to get mad at him; but I was still curious about what made him feel that way. Frank 说 "I agree Michael; you're a total pushover when it comes to AJ." I calmly asked "in what way?" Frank 说 "she's your little girl and I understand that; but the 分钟 she cries she has 你 wrapped around her finger." Jeffrey 说 "yeah and Mike 你 don't encourage her to be independent because 你 do everything for her; I mean everything!" I squinted my eyes and smirked as I 说 "come on 你 guys; I think you're exaggerating a little bit." Jeffrey 说 "I really don't think we are Michael. I mean just look at how she freaked out when 你 told her that 你 were going to leave her with her grandmother for the weekend! Most three-year-olds are 更多 than excited about going to their grandparents for the weekend because they get to be spoiled 由 them." Frank 说 “I know Mike and most kids can brush their own teeth 由 three years old." I 说 "AJ can brush her own teeth! I'm just really particular about making sure her teeth are clean." Frank 说 "whatever 你 say Michael! Now that we've spoke our opinions, we should all just let loose and have fun." I rolled my eyes and took another sip of my drink. I 说 "I've got the feeling that I'm going to need this drink to get to the entire weekend without my kids.
***
I really don't get the point of going on this "guys only vacation" because all we did the entire weekend was talk about stupid things and drink. I'm starting to think that Frank just wanted to remember what I'm like when I'm a little buzzed. I RARELY ever drink and before yesterday I would have a hard time remembering when the last time I had a drink was. I'm just glad that today I'm getting ready to leave and I'll see my 婴儿 in less than an hour.
When Frank, Jeffrey, and I got into the car, I could hardly wait to get back to Havenhurst. Frank 说 "oh my God Michael; chill out!" I 说 "I can't; come on Jeffrey! Hurry up and drive faster; so we can get there sooner! I miss AJ and Prince so much!" Jeffrey 说 "I'm trying Michael! I can't go any faster because I'm going the speed limit." Frank 说 "thank God; we're finally here! I think if the traffic would've been any worse Michael would've gotten out of the car and sprinted all the way back here!"
I jumped out of the car before it even had the chance to stop and I bolted inside the house. I calmly walked into the living room and 说 "hi AJ!" AJ whispered "daddy; can we go 首页 now?" I picked her up and 说 "of course; right after I check in with grandma." I carried AJ into the 厨房 and my mother 说 "hello Michael. How was your vacation?" I 说 "too long; I missed my angels!" She 说 "they missed 你 too Michael! AJ couldn't stop talking about 你 the entire weekend! She was telling me stories about what 你 do around the house. I was cleaning the 厨房 and she was describing how 你 clean the kitchen! I thought that was the cutest thing ever." I chuckled and 说 "dare I ask, did AJ behave for you?" Mother 说 "she had her moments; but it's been taking care of Michael." I grabbed Prince from her and took him with my other arm as I 说 "okay mother; I think I'm going to take the children back 首页 because they're both due for a nap. Thanks for watching them for the weekend!" She 说 "you're welcome son; anytime 你 need a break I will watch them for you!"
On the car ride back to Neverland, AJ was really quiet and that's extremely unusual for her. I asked "did 你 have fun at grandma's house this weekend?" She just looked at me and shrugged her shoulders. I asked "what did 你 guys do for fun?" She whispered extremely quietly "I don't know." I playfully asked "are 你 sure? 你 must've done something fun! Grandma's a really fun person!" AJ just shrugged her shoulders again and I just figured she was getting tired because it was nearing her nap time.
Grace was standing in the 厨房 when I got back to the house and I 说 "hello." She 说 "hello; how was your time with your friends?" I 说 "I had my fun; but I'm glad to be back home!" She asked "would 你 like me to go put Prince down for a nap?" I 说 "yeah; I've got everything handled with AJ." Grace took Prince out of my arms and brought him upstairs. After I had gotten a cup of 浓情巧克力 牛奶 for AJ, I carried her upstairs and she asked "daddy; can I sleep in your room?" I 说 "yeah; I guess 你 can because I'm feeling a little tired myself."
I brought her into my bedroom and she 说 "ouch." I looked at her puzzled and asked "what ouch?” She 说 "where grandpa hit me daddy." I froze for a 秒 and then 说 "grandpa hit you! Where?" She 说 "on my back." Sure enough, when I lifted the back of her 衬衫 there was a BRIGHT red outline of a hand print on AJ's back." I found myself starting to cry and then an overwhelming amount of anger came over me." I stood up and AJ asked with a terrified tone of voice "where are 你 going daddy? Don't leave me here; PLEASE!!!" I yelled for Grace to come upstairs and she came into my bedroom. I 说 "my father apparently hit AJ this weekend and I need to go over there to make sure it doesn't happen EVER again. Understandably, AJ doesn't want me to leave her side; but I'm not going to bring her over there with me because I don't know how it's going to go. Listen AJ, Grace won't leave 你 由 yourself and I promise that I'll come straight 首页 afterwards!" AJ looked at me worried and 说 "come right back daddy! I don't want to take a nap until 你 get back!" I 说 "that's fine; if 你 want to go down to the living room and watch TV 你 can. I'll be right back!" I hugged AJ and I almost couldn't bring myself to let go as she lightly leaned in for a kiss.
I ran downstairs and 说 "come on Jeffrey; I need 你 to drive me to Havenhurst because I'm too angry!" He 说 "right away Michael." I could barely contain my anger as we sat there in the car and I'm honestly surprised that Jeffrey didn't ask me why I was so angry. I couldn't even stand that insane traffic and normally I don't have any road rage; but I was in no mood to be messed with. I think Jeffrey was afraid to ask me what was wrong because I was having such a hard time keeping my composure until we got to the house.
Once we had gotten to Havenhurst, Jeffrey followed me quickly as I darted inside the house and straight for the kitchen. Mother looked at me and asked "oh; did 你 forget one of the children's bags?" I asked angrily "where's Joseph?" Before she had the time to answer me, Joseph came out of the 巢穴, den, 书房 and my eyes filled with rage. I pushed him up against the 墙 and pinned him there as I asked "WHO THE HELL DO 你 THINK 你 ARE?" Joseph 说 "I'm your father; that's who and 你 better watch your tone with me Michael!" I 说 "I CAN'T BELIEVE 你 HIT AJ!!!"
I punched him so hard in the face that it made his head go straight through the drywall and Jeffrey didn't know what to do. He held me back as I went in for a couple 更多 swings and I shouted "IF 你 EVER TOUCH MY CHILD AGAIN I'LL BREAK YOUR NECK!!!" I turned back to face mother and 说 "I trusted you! How could 你 let something like this happen? How could 你 let Joseph in the house after I told 你 I didn't want him around the children? How could 你 let him hit AJ? I trusted 你 mother! How could you?"
I stormed out of the house slamming the door behind me and got into the car. On the ride back to the house, I 迷失 it and started crying like I had never cried before. Jeffrey looked at me sympathetically and asked "are 你 okay Michael?" I shook my head no and 说 "I can't believe that I trusted my mother and I shouldn't have! I never wanted AJ to feel the physical pain 或者 emotional pain that I felt from Joseph growing up and she wouldn't have if I hadn't trusted mother to watch them for the weekend! When I punched Joseph there was so much built-up anger that I could've punched him 1000 times if 你 hadn't stepped in! I feel like the worst father in the world right now!"
After we got back to the ranch, I let Jeffrey take a drive 由 himself so he could clear his mind and comprehend what he had just witnessed. I walked into the house and Grace was sleeping on the couch. I went upstairs because I figured that she was able to get AJ to sleep and she had gone downstairs afterwards. I walked into my bedroom and AJ was sitting on the floor crying. I knelt down in front of her and asked "what's wrong AJ?" She 说 "I'm sorry daddy!" I asked "what are 你 sorry for?" She 说 "I had an accident!" I asked "you did?" She shook her head yes as I noticed that she was completely soaked. She started shaking and 说 "please don't hit me daddy!" I started to tear up and 说 "I would NEVER hit 你 AJ!!!"
She started crying and I picked her up. I tried my best not to cry; but I couldn't help it because I knew exactly how AJ felt after being physically abused 由 Joseph. She continued to cry as she asked "why are 你 crying daddy?" I 说 "it's okay to cry. AJ; look at me. What grandpa did to 你 was not okay and he shouldn't ever hit you! It was wrong of him to do that and I'll make sure that he'll NEVER do that again!" AJ was trying to justify why he had hit her and she 说 something that absolutely destroyed me inside! She 说 "but daddy, I was bad!!!" I 说 "don't ever say that again AJ! You're not bad and don't let anybody ever tell 你 that 你 are because you're not! You’re perfect just the way 你 are!"
AJ and I both stop crying and I asked "did 你 take a nap?" She 说 "no; I wanted to wait until 你 came back." I asked curiously "not that it matters to me, but why did 你 have an accident?" She 说 "I was afraid that when 你 heard that I didn't listen to grandma that 你 would hit me and that scared me! It was really scary when grandpa hit me and I thought it was going to be a lot worse if 你 hit me because you're my daddy!" I 说 "I promise I will never hit 你 for as long as I live! I would hit myself before I would ever hit 你 AJ!"
After helping AJ change her clothes, I could tell that she was really embarrassed. I think it was because she hasn't had an accident for a very long time and I think she was beating herself up for letting it happen. As she climbed into the bed, I covered her up with the blanket and she 说 "I'm sorry daddy!!!" I 说 "sweetheart; it really doesn't bother me!" I chuckled and 说 "you've had quite a few accidents before and I've never gotten mad. That wasn't your fault at all! It only happened because 你 were scared of getting hit. If you're going to blame it on anybody, blame it on grandpa!" She asked "you promise you're not mad at me?" I kissed her forehead and 说 "far from it actually! It was just an accident and I understand why you're embarrassed; but I promise that I won't tell anyone! It'll just be between 你 and me!" She 说 "okay; that makes me feel less embarrassed now daddy!"
***
Ever since yesterday, AJ's been very jumpy and shaky. I'm really starting to think that Joseph hitting her traumatized her. She understands that I'm not going to hit her; but for some reason if I even so much as put my hand on her shoulder while I'm standing behind her she flinches. She hasn't been herself since Joseph hit her and for once I actually want her to be causing chaos. I'll do whatever I have to; so I can get AJ back to her normal self.
I was in the 厨房 washing dishes while AJ was playing with a puzzle at the table. I walked up to her and asked "don't 你 want to be doing something a little 更多 fun than this?" She 说 "no; I'm fine daddy." I turned the chair she was sitting in so it was facing me and 说 "no you're not fine because normally I can't get 你 to sit still for 更多 than three 分钟 and 你 been sitting here for 2 1/2 hours!"
I picked her up and 说 "come on; I'm going to 显示 你 how to have fun again! I want my AJ back!" I took her into the living room and playfully tossed her on the couch. I climbed on the 长椅, 沙发 and started jumping up and down. AJ just looked at me as if I had three heads and I realized that this was going to be a lot 更多 difficult. I picked her up again and took her into the kitchen. I sat her on the countertop and started rummaging through the cupboards. I grabbed a bottle of ketchup, flipped open the lid, and squirted ketchup all over AJ's shirt. She chuckled and asked "what did 你 do that for?" I 说 "I have to make 你 have fun somehow because I don't like it when you're so quiet!"
AJ grabbed the bottle of ketchup from my hands and squirted it all over my face. The two of us started laughing and I 说 "there 你 go!" She saw the bag of flour 下一个 to her on the counter and opened it up. She grabbed a handful and threw it at my face. I laughed and asked "so; 你 think that's funny?" I grabbed the entire bag and dumped it on her head. She looked up at me in shock and both of us started laughing hysterically. I looked around the 厨房 and it was a complete disaster; but I didn't care because I was able to get AJ to loosen up.
As I started cleaning up the kitchen, there was a knock at the door and it was my mother. I wanted to let her inside but I knew what she wanted to talk about. AJ was still a disaster; so I had Grace bring her upstairs to get cleaned up while mother and I talked. I let her inside and she looked around the kitchen. She asked "what happened here?" I 说 "it's a long story. I didn't expect 你 to come over here today; after what happened yesterday!" She 说 "Joseph feels awful about hitting AJ Michael!" I sarcastically 说 "yeah right mother!" I started mopping the floor angrily and mother 说 "you're right Michael! I should have never let Joseph hit AJ!" I cleared my throat and 说 "he shouldn't have been around her in the first place! I told 你 I didn't want Joseph around the children and 你 went behind my back! I thought 你 were one of the few people on this earth that I could trust!" She 说 "you can trust me Michael." I 说 "apparently I can't mother because 你 allowed all of that to happen! While we're on the subject, what did AJ do that was so awful that justified your reason for letting Joseph hit her?"
Mother grabbed a washcloth off the counter and started helping me clean the kitchen. She 说 "she wouldn't go to 床, 床上 and Joseph was getting fed up. I didn't exactly tell him to hit her. I just asked him for help because I couldn't explain to her that it was time to go to sleep! He did try just talking to her and convincing her to lie down; but that wasn't working and 你 know how short your father's temper is Michael!" I 说 "that's when 你 should have 给 her a warning and let her know that if she didn't listen she would be standing in the corner for three minutes!" She 说 "I don't know how 你 can get that timeout thing to work Michael because I don't see the point in it. She isn't learning anything from staring at the 墙 for three 分钟 because after she gets out of the corner she does something else!" I sarcastically 说 "oh; like physical harm is so much 更多 effective!!!" She 说 "it got 你 to listen to Joseph and me when 你 were growing up." I 说 "it did work; but I spent my entire childhood terrified of Joseph and I don't want AJ to be terrified of me!!! I don't think 你 understand how different I am from Joseph! I don't think 你 understand how differently I raise AJ! Before this weekend, AJ had never been hit before; it really had a negative effect on her! She was terrified that I was going to hit her and she's been too scared to do anything because she doesn't want to be hit again! That really hurt me as a father because I don't want her to EVER be afraid of me! I would NEVER hit her! I think 你 should leave now mother because I have some cleaning to do!" Mother walked out of the house without saying a single word to me and I was kind of the irritated that she didn't apologize for letting any of that happen."
***
My eyes shot open as AJ screamed "DADDY" at the 最佳, 返回页首 of her lungs. I ran 下一个 door to her bedroom and asked "what's the matter?" She 说 "I had a bad dream daddy! I walked up to her 床, 床上 and sat down as I asked "what was it about?" She 说 "the bad man was chasing me and trying to hit me. I was screaming for you; but 你 weren't there and I was really scared!" I 说 I won't ever let anybody hurt 你 AJ and I will always be there when 你 need me from now on!" She was shaking and terrified as she asked "daddy will 你 stay in here with me?"
I thought about it for 秒 and I wasn't going to stay in there; but the 秒 I saw AJ shaking I couldn't help it. I 说 "okay; but its 1 AM so 你 have to go back to sleep if I stay in here." I lay down 下一个 to her in the full-sized 床, 床上 and switched off the overhead lamp. AJ whispered "I 爱情 你 daddy!" I 说 "I 爱情 你 更多 AJ!!!" She whispered back "you’re the best daddy in the whole wide world!" I 说 "and you’re the best AJ in the whole wide world because you're my AJ and I don't have to share 你 with anyone else; good night sweetheart!" I looked down and she had drifted off to sleep with her head resting on my chest and she was holding my hand as tight as she possibly could! How could anybody hurt such an innocent child?
I hugged her and she got ready to leave because she had to get to work. I went back into the living room and sat down 下一个 to AJ on the couch. I 说 "you're going to have another brother 或者 sister soon AJ." She looked at me and 说 "yay; I'm going to be a big sister again!" I 说 "I think Grace is going to be surprised when she comes back tomorrow." AJ had a worried expression on her face and asked "why is she coming back daddy? 你 aren't going back to work are you?" I 说 "no I'm not AJ; don't worry! I'm not working for a while because I need to take a break after being busy for so long!" She sighed and 说 "good daddy; I don't want to be away from 你 ever again!" I 说 "you're going to have to be away from me at some point AJ!" She asked "why? You're my best friend daddy!" That made me almost want to cry because I had no idea that AJ thought of me as her best friend. I hugged her and 说 "you're my best friend too AJ!"
***
It's the beginning of June and there's been really good weather lately; so I decided to take the children outside. I like bringing AJ outside; but most of the time she makes me nervous because she doesn't like to listen to me. Neverland ranch is a really big place and I'm terrified that one 日 she will get 迷失 because she's not listening to me and staying close by; where I can see her. Grace is here today and I'm glad because she can help me keep an eye on both AJ and Prince.
As soon as we got outside, AJ asked "can we go swimming?" I walked over to the pool and it was still covered up 由 a tarp because it had been raining. I lifted the edge of the tarp up and saw that the water was a disgusting green color. I knelt down 下一个 to AJ and 说 "we have to wait until one of the maintenance staff members clean it out because the water is all gross; I'm sorry AJ." To my surprise, AJ took the disappointment very well and started playing with the sidewalk chalk that was on the driveway. Grace was as surprised as I was and the two of us were waiting for the usual meltdown to happen.
I sat down 下一个 to Grace at the picnic 表 and she 说 "I can't believe that she didn't throw a fit Michael!" I 说 "I know; me either! Maybe today is going to be a good 日 for AJ." Grace looked over my shoulder and 说 "I wouldn't get your hopes up Michael; look." AJ had found a 网球 ball outside and was trying to throw it over the fence where my pet lama lives. Thankfully, she's only three years old and she's obviously too short to throw it over the 最佳, 返回页首 of the fence. I walked up to her and knelt down 下一个 to her as I asked "what are 你 doing that for AJ?" She 说 " I’m trying to play catch with him!" I chuckled and 说 "good luck with that kiddo! He's a lama; not a puppy." She started to get frustrated which is always the precursor to the inevitable meltdown and I haven't quite figured out how to avoid the temper tantrums. I myself am a very logical person and I always try to understand where AJ is coming from.
I could tell she was getting 更多 and 更多 aggravated when she couldn't get the 网球 ball over the 最佳, 返回页首 of the fence; so I 说 "it's not going to work AJ! Plus, it wouldn't be very nice to throw a ball at him. Would 你 like that if I threw a ball at 你 and 你 couldn't catch it?" She responded "maybe; but I'm not going to throw it at him daddy! I want him to catch it!" I 说 "it's not going to work AJ because he's not a dog!" She started crying and I picked her up. She 说 "daddy, I want my own pet like 你 have!" I thought about it for 秒 and realized it might be a good negotiating tool to get AJ to listen to me because I'm running out of ideas and I'm desperate to get her to listen to me.
I 说 "I don't know AJ; I'll think about it!" Grace looked at me and whispered "are 你 crazy Michael?" I put AJ down on the ground and she ran off to go play with some of her toys. I walked up to Grace and she asked "you are not seriously considering getting a pet for three-year-old are you?" I 说 "I obviously know that I'm going to be taking care of it most of the time because she's so young; but most kids her age have a pet." She 说 "I don't think 你 know what you're getting yourself into Michael; but do whatever 你 want to."
***
Okay here's the deal, yesterday I bought AJ a pet goldfish because I thought it would be easy for me to take care of. Apparently I was wrong because when I got up this morning it was dead. Maybe this idea of getting a pet wasn't as good as I thought as it would be. Now I have to have a discussion about life-and-death with my three-year-old. I didn't even know if I really should say anything because I don't think she's going to be able to understand. Maybe I could use the whole "your 鱼 went to live on a farm" excuse; but I don't like lying to AJ. I don't know what I'm going to do.
AJ came downstairs with her hair all a mess and still looking half-asleep. She stumbled up to me and I picked her up as I kissed her forehead. She asked "how's Mr. fishy daddy? Did he get enough sleep?" I 说 to myself "yeah; maybe a bit too much sleep." I brought AJ into the living room and sat her down on my lap as I sat down on the couch. I 说 "Mr. fishy; he told me that he needed to go to heaven and he wanted me to tell 你 that he loves 你 a lot." She asked "will he come back?" I thought about it for 秒 and 说 "I'm sorry but no he won't; but you'll see him again someday!"
She surprisingly didn't ask any 更多 问题 because I don't think she really understood what had happened to the 鱼 and I'm glad that she didn't understand. I think it will be a long time before I feel comfortable buying AJ another pet because I have a feeling that as she gets older she will have many 更多 问题 than she did today. I'm just glad that that's over with because I was so worried that she would cry and it hurts me so much to hear her cry because she's my baby.
***
I was upstairs in my room practicing dance steps because I was bored and I didn't notice that AJ had walked into the room. She was sitting on the floor and watching me with her full attention. I stopped dancing for a 秒 because I was surprised that she wasn't fidgeting like she normally would be due to her ADHD. She 说 "daddy, I want to be just like 你 when I grow up!" I asked curiously "oh yeah; in what ways?" She 说 "I want to be famous daddy! I want to be a dancer and a singer like 你 are!" The only words I heard out of her mouth were "I want to be famous daddy" and I was stuck on that phrase. I was terrified because being famous isn't an easy thing; especially when you're as famous as I am. I had to give up so many things to get to where I am now and I honestly don't want that for my daughter.
I sat down on the floor 下一个 to her and 说 "well; you're only three years old right now and 你 have plenty of time to figure out what 你 want to be when 你 grow up AJ. Whatever 你 decide to be know that I'll support 你 no matter what! Just know that I want 你 to try your absolute hardest in whatever 你 do in life because that's what's going to get 你 anything 你 ever want and/or need." She looked at me confused and then I remembered that I was talking to a three-year-old; not a 20-year-old." I picked her up and took her downstairs to get something to eat because neither of us had eaten lunch yet.
After sitting her at the table, I went into the 厨房 and looked to see what we had to eat. It'd been a while since I had one of the Neverland staff members go grocery shopping; so we didn't really have much. I absolutely hate giving AJ 破烂, 垃圾 食物 but I didn't really have any other choice because the person that usually does my grocery shopping had today off. The healthiest thing that I have left to give AJ for lunch was a 花生 牛油, 黄油 and 果冻 三明治 and some potato chips.
I'll be honest and tell 你 that it's been a very long time since I've made myself 或者 anyone else a 三明治 and AJ was surprised when she took the first bite of the sandwich. I looked at AJ and asked "what's wrong?" She spit the bite out onto her plate and 说 "way too much 花生 牛油, 黄油 daddy!" I chuckled and 说 "oh; sorry about that. Daddy a little rusty when it comes to making sandwiches; it's been a while." I grabbed the plate from her and started making her another 三明治 because I knew she couldn't continue to eat the other one. I brought it back to the 表 and she took a bite. I asked "how's that?" She 说 "much better daddy; much better!"
***
My birthday is tomorrow and I'm looking 前锋, 期待 to just relaxing with the children for the day. There was a knock at the front door so I got up to answer it and Frank was standing there. I asked "Frank; what are 你 doing here? I'm not supposed to start working again for 3 1/2 更多 months." Frank responded "your mother called me last week and told me that she thinks 你 need a break; so I'm taking 你 on a only guys vacation for the weekend." I was hesitant and asked "what do 你 expect me to do with the children?" He 说 "well of course bring them over to 你 mothers because she is the one who asked me to take 你 on a vacation in the first place."
I realized that Frank and my mother had been planning this for an entire week and I couldn't refuse because they had put so much time into it. I went upstairs and packed the bags of things for the children. After packing my bag, I went back downstairs and Frank had already carried AJ to the car. I took Prince to the car and I didn't tell AJ what was going to happen because I knew regardless that AJ would freak out.
When we got to Havenhurst, I helped bring the children inside and I knew I couldn't avoid telling AJ what was going to happen. I knelt down in front of her and 说 "I'm going to go somewhere with Frank for two days and you're going to stay here with grandma." AJ immediately started crying and I picked her up. I 说 "I always come back AJ! Grandma's going to have fun with 你 and I promise that I'll call 你 every night before 你 go to bed!" Mother grabbed AJ out of my arms and 说 "go ahead Michael; have fun! I'll get AJ to calm down. I have it under control!"
My 心 was tearing to pieces as I heard AJ crying "daddy; stay here!" Frank gently pushed me out of the door because I was so reluctant to leave AJ while she was crying. As we got into the car and Jeffrey started driving, Frank could see that I was visibly upset. I started tearing up and rubbing my eyes. Frank put his hand on my shoulder and 说 "AJ's fine Michael; I promise!" I 说 "I know that she's in the best hands with my mother; but it's just so hard leaving the children with anyone!" Frank 说 "I know; but it's better that AJ gets used to being away from 你 now because it's going to be 更多 difficult to handle the separation anxiety when she gets older Michael. We're only going to be 45 分钟 away at a 海滩 house; so if something does go wrong 你 can be there." I 说 "okay; that makes me feel at least a little bit better."
Jeffrey pulled up in front of a beachfront house and all of us got out of the car. I walked inside the 海滩 house and 说 "wow Frank; 你 really outdid yourself!" He 说 "only the best for 你 Michael!" Frank opened up the refrigerator and tossed me a wine cooler. I 说 "I don't know about this Frank! I haven't had a drink since before AJ was born." Frank sat down 下一个 to me on the 长椅, 沙发 and 说 "that's exactly why 你 need to drink that!" I popped it open and hesitated before taking a sip. I 说 "WOW; that stronger than I expected it to be!"
I looked out the window and didn't even notice that we were on our own little private section of the beach. Frank stood 下一个 to me at the window and 说 "you, Jeffrey, and I should go down there Michael!" I 说 "okay; I'll meet 你 guys down there." While they went down to the beach, I couldn't help but call mother to see how the kids were doing. I dialed the phone number and sat back down on the couch. Mother asked "is everything alright Michael?" I 说 "yes mother; I'm just wondering how the kids are doing? Did AJ calm down? Did she stop crying?" She 说 "yes Michael; she's perfectly fine! She's watching a movie with me right now." I asked "can I talk to her?" She passed AJ the phone and I 说 "hi AJ; I miss you!"
Frank walked back inside the 海滩 house and 说 "come on Mike; what's taking 你 so long?" He saw that I had the phone and took it out of my hands. I 说 "what? I was just checking up on the kids!" Frank put the phone up to his ear and 说 "give the phone back to grandma. Hello Katherine; I just want to that 你 will not answer the phone if Michael calls 你 before 7 o'clock at night because he needs a break. Okay; thanks a lot and I'll have him call the children later tonight." I asked "what did 你 do that for? I was just talking to AJ for a few minutes." He 说 "you need to relax Michael and trust that your mother can handle the kids. Did 你 forget that she raised you? A couple of days with your kids is nothing to her!" I 说 "but what if AJ –?" He 说 "your mother has everything under control Michael; just relax!" I exhaled and 说 "I hate to admit it but I think you're right! The kids do need a little bit of time away from me; especially AJ because her separation anxiety is getting a little crazy. It's only for two days and I don't think she's going to be scarred for life if she's away from me for that long." Frank 说 "that's the spirit Mike! 你 need a couple days without boogers and temper tantrums!"
I chuckled and 说 "boogers and tantrums isn't everything that I deal with all 日 as a father!" Frank 说 "no; that's pretty accurate!" I 说 "no; not really." He sat down 下一个 to me on the 长椅, 沙发 and Jeffrey came back inside. Jeffrey asked "what's taking 你 guys so long?" Frank 说 "sorry Jeff; Michael doesn't think that his life has gotten boring since the children have been born. Maybe 你 could shed a little light on the subject because 你 spend even 更多 time with him than I do. Jeffrey sat in the chair and 说 "sorry Mike; but I have to be honest and say that I agree with Frank on this one. 你 used to hang out with the two of us a lot 更多 before 你 had either of the kids; but especially AJ!" I looked at him confused and asked "what 你 mean 由 'especially AJ?'" Jeffrey 说 "well; I wouldn't be a true friend if I wasn't completely honest with you. The truth is that you're kind of a pushover Mike."
I was glad that Jeffrey was being honest with me and I didn't want to get mad at him; but I was still curious about what made him feel that way. Frank 说 "I agree Michael; you're a total pushover when it comes to AJ." I calmly asked "in what way?" Frank 说 "she's your little girl and I understand that; but the 分钟 she cries she has 你 wrapped around her finger." Jeffrey 说 "yeah and Mike 你 don't encourage her to be independent because 你 do everything for her; I mean everything!" I squinted my eyes and smirked as I 说 "come on 你 guys; I think you're exaggerating a little bit." Jeffrey 说 "I really don't think we are Michael. I mean just look at how she freaked out when 你 told her that 你 were going to leave her with her grandmother for the weekend! Most three-year-olds are 更多 than excited about going to their grandparents for the weekend because they get to be spoiled 由 them." Frank 说 “I know Mike and most kids can brush their own teeth 由 three years old." I 说 "AJ can brush her own teeth! I'm just really particular about making sure her teeth are clean." Frank 说 "whatever 你 say Michael! Now that we've spoke our opinions, we should all just let loose and have fun." I rolled my eyes and took another sip of my drink. I 说 "I've got the feeling that I'm going to need this drink to get to the entire weekend without my kids.
***
I really don't get the point of going on this "guys only vacation" because all we did the entire weekend was talk about stupid things and drink. I'm starting to think that Frank just wanted to remember what I'm like when I'm a little buzzed. I RARELY ever drink and before yesterday I would have a hard time remembering when the last time I had a drink was. I'm just glad that today I'm getting ready to leave and I'll see my 婴儿 in less than an hour.
When Frank, Jeffrey, and I got into the car, I could hardly wait to get back to Havenhurst. Frank 说 "oh my God Michael; chill out!" I 说 "I can't; come on Jeffrey! Hurry up and drive faster; so we can get there sooner! I miss AJ and Prince so much!" Jeffrey 说 "I'm trying Michael! I can't go any faster because I'm going the speed limit." Frank 说 "thank God; we're finally here! I think if the traffic would've been any worse Michael would've gotten out of the car and sprinted all the way back here!"
I jumped out of the car before it even had the chance to stop and I bolted inside the house. I calmly walked into the living room and 说 "hi AJ!" AJ whispered "daddy; can we go 首页 now?" I picked her up and 说 "of course; right after I check in with grandma." I carried AJ into the 厨房 and my mother 说 "hello Michael. How was your vacation?" I 说 "too long; I missed my angels!" She 说 "they missed 你 too Michael! AJ couldn't stop talking about 你 the entire weekend! She was telling me stories about what 你 do around the house. I was cleaning the 厨房 and she was describing how 你 clean the kitchen! I thought that was the cutest thing ever." I chuckled and 说 "dare I ask, did AJ behave for you?" Mother 说 "she had her moments; but it's been taking care of Michael." I grabbed Prince from her and took him with my other arm as I 说 "okay mother; I think I'm going to take the children back 首页 because they're both due for a nap. Thanks for watching them for the weekend!" She 说 "you're welcome son; anytime 你 need a break I will watch them for you!"
On the car ride back to Neverland, AJ was really quiet and that's extremely unusual for her. I asked "did 你 have fun at grandma's house this weekend?" She just looked at me and shrugged her shoulders. I asked "what did 你 guys do for fun?" She whispered extremely quietly "I don't know." I playfully asked "are 你 sure? 你 must've done something fun! Grandma's a really fun person!" AJ just shrugged her shoulders again and I just figured she was getting tired because it was nearing her nap time.
Grace was standing in the 厨房 when I got back to the house and I 说 "hello." She 说 "hello; how was your time with your friends?" I 说 "I had my fun; but I'm glad to be back home!" She asked "would 你 like me to go put Prince down for a nap?" I 说 "yeah; I've got everything handled with AJ." Grace took Prince out of my arms and brought him upstairs. After I had gotten a cup of 浓情巧克力 牛奶 for AJ, I carried her upstairs and she asked "daddy; can I sleep in your room?" I 说 "yeah; I guess 你 can because I'm feeling a little tired myself."
I brought her into my bedroom and she 说 "ouch." I looked at her puzzled and asked "what ouch?” She 说 "where grandpa hit me daddy." I froze for a 秒 and then 说 "grandpa hit you! Where?" She 说 "on my back." Sure enough, when I lifted the back of her 衬衫 there was a BRIGHT red outline of a hand print on AJ's back." I found myself starting to cry and then an overwhelming amount of anger came over me." I stood up and AJ asked with a terrified tone of voice "where are 你 going daddy? Don't leave me here; PLEASE!!!" I yelled for Grace to come upstairs and she came into my bedroom. I 说 "my father apparently hit AJ this weekend and I need to go over there to make sure it doesn't happen EVER again. Understandably, AJ doesn't want me to leave her side; but I'm not going to bring her over there with me because I don't know how it's going to go. Listen AJ, Grace won't leave 你 由 yourself and I promise that I'll come straight 首页 afterwards!" AJ looked at me worried and 说 "come right back daddy! I don't want to take a nap until 你 get back!" I 说 "that's fine; if 你 want to go down to the living room and watch TV 你 can. I'll be right back!" I hugged AJ and I almost couldn't bring myself to let go as she lightly leaned in for a kiss.
I ran downstairs and 说 "come on Jeffrey; I need 你 to drive me to Havenhurst because I'm too angry!" He 说 "right away Michael." I could barely contain my anger as we sat there in the car and I'm honestly surprised that Jeffrey didn't ask me why I was so angry. I couldn't even stand that insane traffic and normally I don't have any road rage; but I was in no mood to be messed with. I think Jeffrey was afraid to ask me what was wrong because I was having such a hard time keeping my composure until we got to the house.
Once we had gotten to Havenhurst, Jeffrey followed me quickly as I darted inside the house and straight for the kitchen. Mother looked at me and asked "oh; did 你 forget one of the children's bags?" I asked angrily "where's Joseph?" Before she had the time to answer me, Joseph came out of the 巢穴, den, 书房 and my eyes filled with rage. I pushed him up against the 墙 and pinned him there as I asked "WHO THE HELL DO 你 THINK 你 ARE?" Joseph 说 "I'm your father; that's who and 你 better watch your tone with me Michael!" I 说 "I CAN'T BELIEVE 你 HIT AJ!!!"
I punched him so hard in the face that it made his head go straight through the drywall and Jeffrey didn't know what to do. He held me back as I went in for a couple 更多 swings and I shouted "IF 你 EVER TOUCH MY CHILD AGAIN I'LL BREAK YOUR NECK!!!" I turned back to face mother and 说 "I trusted you! How could 你 let something like this happen? How could 你 let Joseph in the house after I told 你 I didn't want him around the children? How could 你 let him hit AJ? I trusted 你 mother! How could you?"
I stormed out of the house slamming the door behind me and got into the car. On the ride back to the house, I 迷失 it and started crying like I had never cried before. Jeffrey looked at me sympathetically and asked "are 你 okay Michael?" I shook my head no and 说 "I can't believe that I trusted my mother and I shouldn't have! I never wanted AJ to feel the physical pain 或者 emotional pain that I felt from Joseph growing up and she wouldn't have if I hadn't trusted mother to watch them for the weekend! When I punched Joseph there was so much built-up anger that I could've punched him 1000 times if 你 hadn't stepped in! I feel like the worst father in the world right now!"
After we got back to the ranch, I let Jeffrey take a drive 由 himself so he could clear his mind and comprehend what he had just witnessed. I walked into the house and Grace was sleeping on the couch. I went upstairs because I figured that she was able to get AJ to sleep and she had gone downstairs afterwards. I walked into my bedroom and AJ was sitting on the floor crying. I knelt down in front of her and asked "what's wrong AJ?" She 说 "I'm sorry daddy!" I asked "what are 你 sorry for?" She 说 "I had an accident!" I asked "you did?" She shook her head yes as I noticed that she was completely soaked. She started shaking and 说 "please don't hit me daddy!" I started to tear up and 说 "I would NEVER hit 你 AJ!!!"
She started crying and I picked her up. I tried my best not to cry; but I couldn't help it because I knew exactly how AJ felt after being physically abused 由 Joseph. She continued to cry as she asked "why are 你 crying daddy?" I 说 "it's okay to cry. AJ; look at me. What grandpa did to 你 was not okay and he shouldn't ever hit you! It was wrong of him to do that and I'll make sure that he'll NEVER do that again!" AJ was trying to justify why he had hit her and she 说 something that absolutely destroyed me inside! She 说 "but daddy, I was bad!!!" I 说 "don't ever say that again AJ! You're not bad and don't let anybody ever tell 你 that 你 are because you're not! You’re perfect just the way 你 are!"
AJ and I both stop crying and I asked "did 你 take a nap?" She 说 "no; I wanted to wait until 你 came back." I asked curiously "not that it matters to me, but why did 你 have an accident?" She 说 "I was afraid that when 你 heard that I didn't listen to grandma that 你 would hit me and that scared me! It was really scary when grandpa hit me and I thought it was going to be a lot worse if 你 hit me because you're my daddy!" I 说 "I promise I will never hit 你 for as long as I live! I would hit myself before I would ever hit 你 AJ!"
After helping AJ change her clothes, I could tell that she was really embarrassed. I think it was because she hasn't had an accident for a very long time and I think she was beating herself up for letting it happen. As she climbed into the bed, I covered her up with the blanket and she 说 "I'm sorry daddy!!!" I 说 "sweetheart; it really doesn't bother me!" I chuckled and 说 "you've had quite a few accidents before and I've never gotten mad. That wasn't your fault at all! It only happened because 你 were scared of getting hit. If you're going to blame it on anybody, blame it on grandpa!" She asked "you promise you're not mad at me?" I kissed her forehead and 说 "far from it actually! It was just an accident and I understand why you're embarrassed; but I promise that I won't tell anyone! It'll just be between 你 and me!" She 说 "okay; that makes me feel less embarrassed now daddy!"
***
Ever since yesterday, AJ's been very jumpy and shaky. I'm really starting to think that Joseph hitting her traumatized her. She understands that I'm not going to hit her; but for some reason if I even so much as put my hand on her shoulder while I'm standing behind her she flinches. She hasn't been herself since Joseph hit her and for once I actually want her to be causing chaos. I'll do whatever I have to; so I can get AJ back to her normal self.
I was in the 厨房 washing dishes while AJ was playing with a puzzle at the table. I walked up to her and asked "don't 你 want to be doing something a little 更多 fun than this?" She 说 "no; I'm fine daddy." I turned the chair she was sitting in so it was facing me and 说 "no you're not fine because normally I can't get 你 to sit still for 更多 than three 分钟 and 你 been sitting here for 2 1/2 hours!"
I picked her up and 说 "come on; I'm going to 显示 你 how to have fun again! I want my AJ back!" I took her into the living room and playfully tossed her on the couch. I climbed on the 长椅, 沙发 and started jumping up and down. AJ just looked at me as if I had three heads and I realized that this was going to be a lot 更多 difficult. I picked her up again and took her into the kitchen. I sat her on the countertop and started rummaging through the cupboards. I grabbed a bottle of ketchup, flipped open the lid, and squirted ketchup all over AJ's shirt. She chuckled and asked "what did 你 do that for?" I 说 "I have to make 你 have fun somehow because I don't like it when you're so quiet!"
AJ grabbed the bottle of ketchup from my hands and squirted it all over my face. The two of us started laughing and I 说 "there 你 go!" She saw the bag of flour 下一个 to her on the counter and opened it up. She grabbed a handful and threw it at my face. I laughed and asked "so; 你 think that's funny?" I grabbed the entire bag and dumped it on her head. She looked up at me in shock and both of us started laughing hysterically. I looked around the 厨房 and it was a complete disaster; but I didn't care because I was able to get AJ to loosen up.
As I started cleaning up the kitchen, there was a knock at the door and it was my mother. I wanted to let her inside but I knew what she wanted to talk about. AJ was still a disaster; so I had Grace bring her upstairs to get cleaned up while mother and I talked. I let her inside and she looked around the kitchen. She asked "what happened here?" I 说 "it's a long story. I didn't expect 你 to come over here today; after what happened yesterday!" She 说 "Joseph feels awful about hitting AJ Michael!" I sarcastically 说 "yeah right mother!" I started mopping the floor angrily and mother 说 "you're right Michael! I should have never let Joseph hit AJ!" I cleared my throat and 说 "he shouldn't have been around her in the first place! I told 你 I didn't want Joseph around the children and 你 went behind my back! I thought 你 were one of the few people on this earth that I could trust!" She 说 "you can trust me Michael." I 说 "apparently I can't mother because 你 allowed all of that to happen! While we're on the subject, what did AJ do that was so awful that justified your reason for letting Joseph hit her?"
Mother grabbed a washcloth off the counter and started helping me clean the kitchen. She 说 "she wouldn't go to 床, 床上 and Joseph was getting fed up. I didn't exactly tell him to hit her. I just asked him for help because I couldn't explain to her that it was time to go to sleep! He did try just talking to her and convincing her to lie down; but that wasn't working and 你 know how short your father's temper is Michael!" I 说 "that's when 你 should have 给 her a warning and let her know that if she didn't listen she would be standing in the corner for three minutes!" She 说 "I don't know how 你 can get that timeout thing to work Michael because I don't see the point in it. She isn't learning anything from staring at the 墙 for three 分钟 because after she gets out of the corner she does something else!" I sarcastically 说 "oh; like physical harm is so much 更多 effective!!!" She 说 "it got 你 to listen to Joseph and me when 你 were growing up." I 说 "it did work; but I spent my entire childhood terrified of Joseph and I don't want AJ to be terrified of me!!! I don't think 你 understand how different I am from Joseph! I don't think 你 understand how differently I raise AJ! Before this weekend, AJ had never been hit before; it really had a negative effect on her! She was terrified that I was going to hit her and she's been too scared to do anything because she doesn't want to be hit again! That really hurt me as a father because I don't want her to EVER be afraid of me! I would NEVER hit her! I think 你 should leave now mother because I have some cleaning to do!" Mother walked out of the house without saying a single word to me and I was kind of the irritated that she didn't apologize for letting any of that happen."
***
My eyes shot open as AJ screamed "DADDY" at the 最佳, 返回页首 of her lungs. I ran 下一个 door to her bedroom and asked "what's the matter?" She 说 "I had a bad dream daddy! I walked up to her 床, 床上 and sat down as I asked "what was it about?" She 说 "the bad man was chasing me and trying to hit me. I was screaming for you; but 你 weren't there and I was really scared!" I 说 I won't ever let anybody hurt 你 AJ and I will always be there when 你 need me from now on!" She was shaking and terrified as she asked "daddy will 你 stay in here with me?"
I thought about it for 秒 and I wasn't going to stay in there; but the 秒 I saw AJ shaking I couldn't help it. I 说 "okay; but its 1 AM so 你 have to go back to sleep if I stay in here." I lay down 下一个 to her in the full-sized 床, 床上 and switched off the overhead lamp. AJ whispered "I 爱情 你 daddy!" I 说 "I 爱情 你 更多 AJ!!!" She whispered back "you’re the best daddy in the whole wide world!" I 说 "and you’re the best AJ in the whole wide world because you're my AJ and I don't have to share 你 with anyone else; good night sweetheart!" I looked down and she had drifted off to sleep with her head resting on my chest and she was holding my hand as tight as she possibly could! How could anybody hurt such an innocent child?