Chapter 8

January 7, 2001,

Grace came back today and dad was so relieved. Don't get me wrong; dad loves being with us 由 himself but; I think sometimes he gets a little bit overwhelmed. It's almost been a 月 and a half since dad has had any help with us and he really needs to focus on finishing the "invincible" album because it's supposed to be released in October of this 年 and he still needs to write one 更多 song.

He's been too busy, 阅读 books, dealing with disciplining us, making sure we get out of the house without getting attacked 由 粉丝 或者 paparazzi, and helping me with my school work, obviously because of that; working on the CD was put aside for a while. On 最佳, 返回页首 of all that; Paris has become so attached to dad. He can't go anywhere without her following him 或者 wanting him to pick her up. She's even started to pretend that she is a baby because she wants dad's attention all the time.

Grace walked through the door and sat at the table. Dad was just bringing Paris down from her nap and she 说 "hi!" Grace took her from dad and 说 "hello sweetheart!" I walked up to Grace and gave her a hug. Prince followed behind me and did the same thing. Grace looked at Paris and asked "were 你 a good girl for your daddy?" Dad 说 "for the most part yes; but there are some things that 你 could help me with!" Grace 说 "whatever 你 need help with." He 说 "I'll probably be in the studio here because I have to work on the album so it will be finished on time! Let me explain to 你 what's been going on here since you've been gone for a while. AJ is pretty self-sufficient now, of course 你 still need to tell her 1000 times to do something before she actually does it. The tutor comes here about once a 月 to work with Prince on his colors, numbers, and letters because I want him to be ready when kindergarten comes in a few years. Now on to Paris, surprisingly I've been having the most trouble with her. It's not that she is misbehaving but; she kind of has been moving backwards instead of forwards. I think it's because she didn't have 你 here all day. Grace asked "what do 你 mean 由 moving backwards?" He 说 "well; as 你 can probably tell 由 now she has that pacifier back in her mouth. She won't let me put her down anywhere and obviously it's not easy to do anything with a two-year-old on your hip! Then about a week after 你 left; she stopped telling me when Prince wasn't being nice and started to hit him!"

Dad ran down to his recording studio and I stood there as grace rolled her eyes and 说 "Paris, Paris, Paris! What has gotten into you?" Paris mumbled something and Grace 说 "I can't understand 你 with that pacifier in your mouth!" Grace took it out of her mouth and Paris 说 "no; I need it!" Grace looked at me and asked "where did she find this pacifier anyway? I thought we through them all away!" I 说 "she was crying like crazy and daddy found it in one of the drawers. He didn't want to give in to her but; he was so tired! That's the very last one though." Grace walked over to the trashcan and tossed the pacifier inside. That's when all hell broke loose.

Paris started screaming at the 最佳, 返回页首 of her lungs "I need it!!!" Grace responded 由 saying "I don't know why daddy would give 你 that. We got rid of those a long time ago; 你 know that!" I quickly ran into the other room to avoid the whole situation because it was getting very awkward. Paris was getting so upset that I thought she might throw up because she was crying so much. Grace finally came into the living room and put her on the couch. She looked Paris in the eyes and 说 "the pacifier is gone, no more, all done!" Grace has had a lot of experience with taking things away. Prince was a dream child compared to me because he never caused too much of a fuss over giving things up. With me the pacifier and the bottle wasn't that big of a deal but; when it came to giving up my security blanket I freaked out. It wasn't that dad didn't want me to have it back; I wouldn't even give it to him so he could clean it and it obviously started 你 get very disgusting. Grace was able to pry out of my hands and unfortunately it had to be thrown away. I remember being so upset because it was a security blanket with a teddy 熊 head attached to the end of it. Dad ended up buying me the exact same one but; somehow I knew it wasn't the original. Afterwards dad felt terrible because I had trouble sleeping for about a month!

January 10, 2001,

Today dad is having a child with cancer come visit him at the ranch. The boy's name is Gavin Arvzio and the Make-A-Wish foundation set up this meeting for him because nobody knows if he will survive. Dad is always doing stuff like this for other people, so I didn't think too much of it.

It was around 2 o'clock and the security guards at Neverland let Gavin and his brother 星, 星级 inside and dad walked up to them. Gavin was in a wheelchair and very weak. He was so skinny and pale that I almost wanted to cry. Dad knelt down and 说 "hi I'm Michael; it's nice to meet you!" Gavin coughed and 说 "wow I never thought this 日 would come! I've loved your 音乐 for such a long time. Most days it's the only thing that gives me the will to fight!" I walked over and hugged him. He looked shocked and I 说 "sorry about that! I just had to hug you, I'm his daughter!" Gavin 说 "that's all right; how old are you?" I 说 "I’m almost seven! How old are you?" He 说 "I just turned 11 at couple days ago. This is my brother Star, he's 13." Dad asked Gavin "what would 你 like to do first?" He 说 "I don't know; can 你 just 显示 me around?" Dad 说 "of course we can!"

We walked out to the arcade with Gavin being pushed in his wheelchair 由 his brother. Dad helped Gavin reached the various classic video games so he could play them and I watched as Gavin struggled to even stand. I remember looking over at 星, 星级 and he looked mad, for a reason I can't figure out. He chewed on a piece of gum and looked down at me. He seemed like he was waiting for something. As soon as he saw that I was staring I looked away. I started messing around with the air hockey 表 and Gavin asked "can I play with you?" I 说 "yeah" and turned the power on. Dad, Gavin, and I laughed as I struggled to get the hockey puck past him. I and is up losing but; I was okay with that!

When Gavin was bored we went back to the house and dad gave him a tour of where we live. Gavin 说 "your kids have really big bedrooms!" When we got to my bedroom Gavin stared at my life-size Spiderman that was built completely out of Legos. I asked "it's cool; isn't it?" Gavin 说 "that's an understatement!" Gavin coughed again, this time a lot harder than before and I 说 "here, 你 can have it!" Gavin hesitated and 说 "that's okay, 你 don't have to give it to me!" I 说 as dad smiled down at me "you can enjoy it 更多 than I ever did! I want 你 to have it!"

A few 分钟 later we went back downstairs because Gavin's mother and sister were here to pick them up. His mother Janet shook dad's hand and 说 "thank 你 for letting them come here! He really enjoys your music!" Dad 说 "it's no problem at all! In fact at like to invite 你 guys to come back anytime 你 want to. My 首页 is your 首页 and I want to see Gavin here healthy again." Gavin looked up at dad in shock and asked "really? We can come back here anytime we want to?" Dad 说 "of course 你 can! If 你 guys ever need help with anything let me know!" The each hugged dad and I right before they left.

I thought it was weird because Gavin's mother Janet was looking around the house instead of looking dad in the eyes while she was talking to him. His sister Catherine was staring off into 太空 almost like she didn't care where she was. I know if I was her and was meeting a celebrity I would be beyond excited about the whole experience. Something is not right here! At least it seems that way to me!

March 1, 2001,

Dad invited Gavin and his family to the ranch again, so they could focus on something other than Gavin's health." Dad was busy setting up the guesthouse when came running in screaming at the 最佳, 返回页首 of my lungs. Dad 说 "I don't have time to deal with this right now! 你 need to go back to the house and Behave!" I started jumping on one of the beds and he 说 "seriously; go back to the house." I got off the 床, 床上 and ran all the way up to the main house.

A few 分钟 later dad came back to the house and Gavin had just arrived with his brother Star. Gavin looked little bit healthier today and he 说 "my mom got word from the doctors that my cancer is going away because of the chemotherapy!" Dad 说 excited "that's great; where's your mom and sister?" Gavin responded 由 saying "she told me she has to work and my sister isn't doing very well in school so my mom is forcing her to study all vacation long. She's kind of falling into the bad crowd!" Dad 说 "oh well; I'm sure she'll turn herself around before it's too late, she's young!"

I don't know why but; after the three of them went outside I started to feel really jealous of Gavin. Dad helped him climb his special 树 that he writes songs in. Before then, I was the only one with ever been up there besides dad himself. I think I was also mad because I was stuck inside the house doing school work while they were getting attention from my dad.

After I was done my school work; I went outside and dad was just hoping Gavin down from the tree. Once again, 星, 星级 was giving me a very rude look and I just turned my back to him. I liked having Gavin around because he treated me almost like a little sister. His brothers the whole different story though and I think he is having a bad influence on Gavin. I would only see him whispering something in his ear instead of saying it out loud. I heard him saying "asked Michael if 你 can have that! It looks really expensive! My 老友记 would be so jealous of me if I have that and they didn't! Asked Michael if 你 can have it! Asked Michael if 你 can have it!" I could tell that Gavin really in want to ask dad for stuff but; 星, 星级 was pressuring him to!"

March 2, 2001,

Gavin's mom showed up today and 说 "the cancer's gone! 你 beat it Gavin!" He 说 "my here is finally going to grow back!" I hugged Gavin and then he looked like he was about to cry! I asked "what's wrong 你 should be happy?" Gavin 说 "I guess this means now that I'm all better I won't see 你 as much Michael!" Dad looked shocked and 说 "when I 说 你 could visit anytime; I meant it! It doesn't matter if you're healthy 或者 not! Our 首页 is your home!" It kind of bothered me that Gavin's mother Janet; wasn't thankful to dad at all for all that he has done for their family. He paid off all their medical bills because because they didn't have any health insurance, he made sure that Gavin always has everything he ever wanted 或者 needed, and paid to have college funds set up for Gavin and his siblings. I thought she was at least appreciate him but; she didn't even mention anything.
I'm kind of hoping that now that Gavin is healthier he won't be around so much. I like having him around most of the time but; something feels weird and I can't put my finger on it! I think there's some arterial motives here! I don't think dad can see it but; I can definitely tell that something's not right!

May 16, 2001,

Gavin and his family haven't been around for a while and I'm definitely enjoying a little time with dad that I have because he's always in the studio working on his album. Thankfully the album is almost done and I can't wait to have dad's full attention back. I think dad can definitely tell that it's taking a toll on me not having him there all the time!

I was sitting in the dining room waiting for Grace to bring 晚餐 to the table. I found it weird that dad wasn't 首页 yet because he always made a point to be home, so he could have 晚餐 with us. As she was bringing the 食物 to the 表 I heard the front door shut and ran into dad's arms. He asked "were 你 well behaved today AJ?" I 说 "yes daddy!" He 说 "I'm glad 晚餐 is ready because I have a huge announcement to make!" I looked at him puzzled and 说 "okay daddy!"

We ran into the dining room and all of us sat at the table. As I started to cut my 食物 dad asked "AJ; what would 你 think if I decided I wanted to have another baby?" I 说 shocked "it would be cool to have two boys and two girls!" He 说 "because I'm thinking about giving 你 guys another brother 或者 sister!" Paris 说 "daddy I want to be a big sister!" He asked "so I guess 你 all are okay with it?" I 说 "yeah; just as long as 你 have enough 爱情 to go around for all of us!" He 说 "of course I will silly!" Dad looked at all of us and 说 "I can't guarantee that it will be another boy but; no matter what the child is I'll 爱情 你 all equally, no matter what!"

June 13, 2001,

The album is officially finished, it won't be released until October though! Dad stayed up till midnight putting the finishing touches on the last few tracks so; he still asleep. I was downstairs with my brother and sister watching TV while Grace was doing dishes in the kitchen. I was bored out of my mind because there was nothing to do.

Dad came downstairs carrying his cell phone and looking down at it. He 说 "Gavin is coming over without his brother this time." I 说 "I don't want this to sound mean; but I don't like his brother that much!" Dad asked "why do 你 say that?" I 说 "well he is always looking at me weird and I don't like it!" Dad 说 "I haven't seen him look at 你 in a weird way; I'm sure he doesn't mean to!" I asked "what time is Gavin going to get here?" Dad 说 "in about 45 minutes." I 说 "I hope we are going to go do something because I'm really bored here! I'm glad your CD is done because I want to spend some time with you!" He hugged me and 说 "yeah I know; I want to spend some time with 你 too!"

Gavin came into the ranch a little while later and he looked like a totally different person! He wasn't pale anymore, wasn't too skinny, and his head was covered with short black hair!" He walked over and gave dad a hug. Dad 说 "I'm so glad you're not sick anymore!" Gavin 说 "thank 你 for letting me come here Michael!" Dad 说 "you don't have to thank me! As I 说 before; our 首页 is your home." Gavin 说 "I really want to go on some of the rides!" Dad 说 "I would let 你 go on them but; this is the one week out of the 年 that the staff is dealing with maintenance and safety checks." Gavin looked disappointed and 说 "that's okay." Dad 说 "but we can do anything else that 你 would like." Gavin asked "can we go shopping?" Dad 说 "I don't see why not." I asked "can I go with 你 guys daddy?" Dad whispered "yes; just as long as 你 don't say anything to your brother 或者 sister because I can't handle all of 你 without bringing Grace with us." I 说 "I won't tell them, I promise!"
A few 分钟 later the three of us got into the car and one of the bodyguards drove us to one of the local toy stores. When we arrived; I jumped out of the car and waited for them to get out. Dad 说 "AJ; 你 can buy only one toy so; make sure it's one that 你 really want." I 说 "okay I will!"

We walked into the store and I carefully went down every shelf. I was careful not to pick the first thing that I saw because I knew that was the only thing I was going to be able to get. At one point I looked over and Gavin was putting everything that he had any interest in inside his cart. I remember looking up at dad and we both had the same look on our faces. We were both shocked 由 the amount of things that Gavin had picked out. I think dad wanted to say something to stop him from grabbing anything else but; I think he still feels bad about all that he has had to go through. When we got to the checkout counter, Gavin placed toy after toy on the countertop. I looked over at dad as if to say "are 你 going to do anything? You're not going to pay for all that are you?" Dad looked at everything laid out in front of him and reached into his pocket. I gave him a worried look as the cashier 说 "your total is $1576. Dad pulled out his credit card and had a guilty look on his face as the cashier put the total amount of the bill on the credit card.

When we got home, I went up to my room without even saying a word. Dad followed me upstairs and asked "do 你 like your new action figure set?" I didn't say anything to him as I carefully took each of them out of the box. Dad 说 as he sat down on the floor "I know what you're thinking; and I wasn't planning on letting him spend that much money!" I asked "then why did you?" He sighed and 说 "he had already picked everything out and I didn't want to tell him that he couldn't have all of it! He was so excited already." I asked "did 你 notice that he didn't even thank 你 for any of the stuff that 你 bought him?" Dad 说 "I'm sure he appreciates it; he just doesn't 显示 it." I 说 "if that's what 你 want to think then go-ahead!" He 说 "listen; I didn't mean to make 你 jealous but; he is the guest."

I'm worried that dad is in denial about Gavin and his intentions but; I'm not going to say anything because there is a chance that I'm wrong! I’ll have to see as time goes on if dad says anything to him. I don't think dad had the 心 to tell him no but; I feel it needs to be done before things get too out of hand!

June 29, 2001,

Gavin got off school for the summer a few days 以前 and his entire family is here for a couple of days. His sister is upset because she doesn't want to be here. We were all sitting in the 厨房 and dad was cooking breakfast. He made 威化饼, 华夫饼 and casually put them on the counter. Gavin had disappeared and nobody seemed concerned besides me. I asked "daddy; I'm she worried about where Gavin is?" Dad 说 "I'm sure he will be down in a 分钟 once he realizes breakfast is ready."

A half-hour later; we were done eating and there was no sign of Gavin anywhere. I went upstairs to investigate and searched everywhere for him. I was shocked when I found him standing in my room. As soon as he saw me there he stopped looking through the drawers and I asked "what are 你 doing in my room?" He 说 "nothing! 你 better not tell your dad I was in here either!" I 说 as I ran down the stairs "of course I'm going to tell him! 你 didn't ask to be my room and I didn't tell 你 你 could!" He chased me down the stairs and pulled me aside before got the chance to get dad's attention. He 说 angry "don't 你 dare say anything! Do 你 honestly think your dad will listen to 你 anyway! I didn't say anything but; if I wasn't half his age I would have put him in his place!

The two of us casually walked into the living room and Gavin 说 "sorry; I was distracted 由 the TV in one of the upstairs guest rooms. I didn't say anything but; I really wanted to. I don't know for what reason but; Gavin had convinced me that dad wouldn't believe me if I had 说 something. I went to 床, 床上 that night thinking about what Gavin had 说 and whether 或者 not I should bring it to dad's attention!"

October 17, 2001,

Dad's album "invincible" was released today and he is really upset because his record label didn't give him enough money to properly promote the album. The head of the record division, dad thinks he's a racist. He actually protest any purchase of any other album from the company because he doesn't feel their reasons are okay.

Dad's friend Frank Cassio is here for support because dad is really, really mad. I came downstairs and sat down at the 表 so I could be breakfast. Dad came over and sat 下一个 to me with his hands covering his face in disbelief. I looked up at him and he 说 "everything is okay; I'm just disappointed." Frank sat down and 说 "there's always a positive side to everything. 你 have to look at it that way Michael!" He 说 "well; because of all the things that have happened in New York; I wrote a new song called what 更多 can I give and I collaborated with the whole bunch of other famous artist and all the proceeds from the downloads and purchases will go to 9/11 relief." Frank 说 "see, 你 always know how to turn a bad situation into a good one."






October 23, 2001,

Dad was getting ready to perform at Madison Square Garden for his 30th anniversary 音乐会 special. I can tell that he's really nervous because this will be the first time he's performed with his brothers since 1984. He let me come along with him so I could watch him from the TV backstage. Prince and Paris are at 首页 because they have an earlier bedtime than I do. I'm excited to see him perform but; at the same time I want everything to be done with! I know that dad is in much needed the break and the surrogate mother carrying my new baby brother is due in a few months.

I was sitting backstage watching dad performed a few songs when grandma walked up to me. I was surprised to see her there and 说 "I missed you!" She 说 as she hugged me. "I missed 你 to AJ." I was worried that she wouldn't 显示 up because dad and grandpa got in a huge fight over the phone last night. Dad was mad because grandpa was trying to convince him to 加入 back into the group with my uncles. Dad knew he was just saying that because he wanted money and he is getting sick of being asked to give money to them.

Dad came backstage a few 分钟 before the 音乐会 was over and asked his friend Frank Cassio to watch me. He went back on stage and sang "you walk my world" as I watched completely fascinated 由 what he was doing! He came back to get me and asked "did 你 like the show?" I 说 "that was so awesome! I can't wait to be like 你 someday!" He asked "did 你 have fun seeing grandma?" I 说 "yeah; how come she doesn't come over to Neverland as much as she used to?" He asked as he searched for the right answer "what do 你 mean?" I 说 "I remember when I was three and we used to have cookouts all the time. Everyone would come over and we would fun!" He 说 "trust me, I wish it was still like that, but; there are some things that I don't want to tell 你 yet and that's the reason we don't come over as often as they used to!" I stayed quiet. After that because I figured dad obviously didn't want to go into too much detail about what was going on between him and the family members!" I'm assuming it has something to do with money though! It always does!