Invader Zim FanCharacters

Invader Zim FanCharacters A song I wrote. NO DON'T LOOK!!! >_>

nigahigarocks98 posted on Sep 19, 2010 at 02:56PM
Why do you leave when I cry...? I'm sor-ry for all that I have done, why did you leave me? A darkened soul...my heart crushed against my will. You're a monster...you killed my spirit.

Can't wake up from this nightmare you've put me in (put me in) Get me out, get me out, get me out~ I'm like a rat trapped in a cage, why won't you save me...why won't you save me, why won't you.......save me.

Youu're spirit won't leave me alone, it's tearing...my heart to pieces. Like you did, with my limbs, you tore them out, sa-dis-tic-ly....

But I have to stay strong...have to forget you...before the...world around me is go-one, go-one...all gone.

Fail. Tell me what you think...>_>

Invader Zim FanCharacters 12 回复

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一年多以前 InvaderJet said…
heart
I LOVED IT!!! Can you play guitar? Cause you could get far with that song!!!
一年多以前 wolfy123 said…
Kewl song! That be kewl if it was a real song =3
一年多以前 PoeticError said…
Mmmm, some advice.

You should add a chorus.

Is it supposed to be free-verse or a rhyming song?

Sometimes, repetition is great. At others, not so much. Try not to use the same words.

I can tell this song might have a soft, yet sober tone. Stick with words that fit the tone, and beat.

(I had to take Poetry last year. That's why I know this stuff...)
一年多以前 InvaderJet said…
(lol NOW i get why your username is POETICerror XDD)
一年多以前 PoeticError said…
Lol. I had this username BEFORE I had poetry.
一年多以前 InvaderJet said…
Daww I thought I had somethin going T.T"
一年多以前 PoeticError said…
Lol. But see, Poetic Error. Meaning a error taken as a blessing of some sort.
一年多以前 InvaderJet said…
YOUR WORDS CONFUSE ME!!! Like the word "Lol" is too complicated for a simple human mind to comprehend Si?
一年多以前 InvaderStickly said…
sad
AWZUM!! but for some reason this song makes me sad. :(

Mood: Sayad
一年多以前 invadermoon said…
Nice!
一年多以前 PoeticError said…
Uh, okayyy.
一年多以前 CorruptedDefect said…
I have some advise!!!!!!

First off, the syllables are not quiet the same. Sometimes in some of the lines you wrote, you added too many syllables or too little. Usually in songs or lyrics, the syllables are the same or almost the same.
Secound, I can't find the beat or the rhythm to this song. This might be because I don't know if this is free verse or simply a rhyming song.
I also find it hard to tell a verse or chorus from each other.
Like Poetic, Repetition is not always great, and for this song it would be best if repetition is not used.

That's all I have to say!! Bye!
last edited 一年多以前
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