is winding down its sixth season the only way it truly knows how: with a giant, bloody battle between two bastards. Aptly titled “The Battle of the Bastards,” episode 9 will be a showdown three seasons in the making — Jon Snow v. Ramsay Bolton. The winner takes Winterfell. With stakes this high, it’s abundantly clear not everyone will make it out of the Second Battle of Winterfell alive.
So, who will fall during Jon Snow and Sansa Stark’s attempt to retake the North from the Boltons and restore House Stark’s rule over the region? Since this has yet to happen in George R.R. Martin’s
series, I’m going rogue on this one. Given that we’re so far into the overall narrative, expect plenty of bloodshed.
Not to mention, with all of these surprise reappearances from characters like the Hound and Benjen Stark, showrunners David Benioff and D.B. Weiss really need to start killing off more of your faves. And what better way to go than in
’s largest, and most ambitious, battle yet? Here’s who we doubt will make it out of the Battle Of The Bastards:
I want nothing more than to see Ramsay’s severed head on a pike. I will pray to Many-Faced God, the Seven, the Old Gods, the Drowned God, and the goddamn Lord of Light to make this happen. Only one bastard can survive the Bastard Bowl, and I honestly believe that bastard is Jon Snow. The Lord of Light has plans for him.
That being said, it’s always possible that Ramsay loses the battle and the Starks keep him as prisoner, perhaps to send a message to the Lannisters. But after all that Ramsay has done to their family, especially all of the hell he put Sansa through last season, I have a hard time believing Ramsay makes it out of Season 6 alive. I guess the bigger question is, who swings the sword? After all, as Ned Stark liked to say,
The man (or woman!) who passes the sentence must swing the sword.
NooOooOOoOooOooo. It’s hard to admit this, but Tormund’s clock is ticking. He’s been an endless source of levity and dick jokes since Season 3, and his one-sided flirtation with Brienne of Tarth has been one of this season’s most celebrated achievements, but I don’t see how Tormund factors in to the show’s endgame. He’s arguably Jon’s single greatest ally in the fight against the Boltons, which all but seals his fate. Tormund has to die so that Jon Snow can remain miserable. He is the Enjolras to Snow’s Marius. Sorry, Tormund. We’ll always have Briemund.
I’d be slightly more afraid for Sansa’s survival had Sophie Turner not strongly suggested Sansa makes it through Season 6 alive. In February, she described going through the scripts for the upcoming season of the HBO drama and seeing “death, death, death” and then discovering, “OK, I’m good for this season.” So the odds are very much in Sansa’s favor.
I’m torn on the Onion Knight. On one hand, he makes for a worthy advisor to Jon. I witnessed that when he successfully negotiated with Lady Lyanna. Not to mention the fact that he’s one of the only characters on this show who takes “winter is coming” as an actual threat to all humanity. On the other hand, however, what would be more emotionally devastating than Ser Davos and his majestic Justin Bieber horse dying? (Aside from Ghost.) He’s a loyal right-hand man. Clearly, he is not long for this world. The only thing that makes us think he’ll pull through the battle is the hope that there will be resolution for Davos and Melisandre’s storyline. After all, he still doesn’t know poor Shireen was burned at the stake as a blood sacrifice to the Lord of Light.
The show would like us to think Jon Snow is in trouble — and to be clear, you should always be worried for Team Stark — but there’s no way Snow is dying (again). We already know he signs a DNR (do not resuscitate) in this episode by asking Melisandre not to revive him if something were to happen, but Benioff and Weiss are just trolling us at this point. Jon Snow is fine. He’s the Chosen One; he has a destiny to fulfill. The bigger battle is yet to come.
(Don’t worry about Ghost; he’s going to be fine. And if he’s not, WE BOYCOTT THIS STUPID SHOW.)
Wun Wun, the last giant in the North, is most certainly a goner. But considering that he can probably take out at least 50 of Ramsay’s good men in one swift motion, at least he’ll go out a hero — and look fabulous while crushing tiny men with his giant feet. Maybe he’ll even sacrifice himself to save Jon Snow. Sob.