Written 由 Sehrezad on fanfiction.net
Out with the Guys
Emily wakes up with a start and winces as she feels the sun burning her face. Her head is pounding like hell and she is feeling as if she had eaten a handful of dirt. Something is off. She can remember that her bedroom’s facing West and not East and yet her vision is a bright 橙子, 橙色 as she is lying facing the already burning sun in her... Wait… Where the hell? Because her 床, 床上 is definitely 更多 comfortable than where she is lying at the moment. And why is there 草 in her bed? She suddenly feels nervous but then she remembers… she is not in her bed. Duh… Of course… With that knowledge she continues lying on the ground calmly… That’s alright after all. There is no 草 in her bed.
She is thinking about that it would be quite nice… 你 know just lying in the sun… if it wouldn’t burn her face and if her brain wouldn’t want to shrink into a tiny little pea. Yeah, it would be fairly nice, she concludes.
Then she hears giggles… Very loud giggles… Her head is pounding… She slowly opens her eyes just in time to see a blur of bright 颜色 running in her sight of vision shouting “I can catch it! I can catch it!”. She closes her eyes again and is thinking about getting up and shooting that running ball of 颜色 when she hears a loud splash and the shouting stops. She sighs in relief welcoming the silence when she hears giggling. Again.
Quite a sudden she becomes angry. Why the hell can’t they let other people sleep? Is this such a big thing to wish for? She sits up quickly… too quickly. She is rubbing her aching head while trying to focus her hazy vision. It takes her a while but finally she realizes that she is not at her place. Big surprise there… after a few 分钟 of silent contemplation she realizes that she has already reached this conclusion. She frowns as she leans her head on her knees. Another few 分钟 passes until she realizes, too, that if she isn’t at 首页 then she is somewhere else. Well, a distant voice somewhere in her head tells her that it is darn obvious but she snaps up her head nonetheless at the realization.
She tries to take in her surroundings through the thumping of her brain. Trees… grass… a lake… 或者 something… a very colorful 鱼 in the lake… no it may be a bird… 鱼 is under water… yes… people lying on the ground… bottles… JJ rolling on the ground while laughing her 屁股 off… a pile of clothes… another person on the ground… wait… what is JJ doing here?
Emily feels her head pounding even 更多 while trying to figure out why JJ is also in the same place as her. Her confused thoughts, which aren’t making any sense after all, are interrupted 由 the bright bird from the lake that is taking its way towards her.
What the fuck?
She quickly jumps up to escape from the bird, which is quite big, Emily notes in her haste and is desperately hoping for it not to be a 鱼 after all. She hates fish. But as soon as she is on her feet, she becomes dizzy and the bird, using this to its advantage, jumps on her and tackles her to the ground. She lets out a loud scream and looks at the colorful thing with apparent shock as it is lying on 最佳, 返回页首 of her dripping water all over Emily.
It seems that her scream surprised the bird as it immediately jumps off of her with a yelp.
“O my God, Emily! 你 scared me! I thought 你 were JJ.” The bird says in Garcia’s voicw and slowly, as her vision becomes 更多 focused, Emily realizes that it was Garcia whom she thought to be a fish… no a bird… 或者 whatever.
“What?” She manages to say in a hoarse tone. She has to drink something. And she still doesn’t know where she is and why.
“Hey, Garcia. That was a great catch!” JJ comes up to them still flushed from the laughing. “Morning, Emily! Slept well?”
“What the…?” She begins but can’t finish her sentence. She clears her throat and tries to stand up. This time she is taking her time… When she finally manages to stand up and steady herself, which she finds quite a difficult task, she looks around. This time she dismisses everything which is not the object of her searching… then she finds it. It’s quite a few feet away but it is there… and she has to get it.
She starts towards her destination but after a few steps she bumps down on her butt. She distantly hears snickers behind her but her attention is fully focused on the object. She makes the rest of the road crawling and finally she settles down 下一个 a peacefully sleeping Spencer Reid. She reaches out and snatches the bottle of mineral water from his grasp. It’s not an easy task as he is holding it tight but Emily is determined. When the bottle leaves the young genius’ grasp, he jumps up in a sitting position and looks at Emily.
“Did 你 know that in the United States, roughly 50,000 cases of alcohol poisoning are reported each 年 and, approximately once every week, someone dies from this preventable condition?”
“Amazing!” She says really amazed that her young colleague is really able to blurt out statistics any time. But she really has to drink something before she’d suffocate so her interest and awe is rather short-lived. She downs the content of the bottle in one gulp and 由 the time she’s finished, her 老友记 are sitting 下一个 to her and a sleeping Reid.
She feels a little bit better after the water and she thinks that maybe she is able to carry a 更多 或者 less normal conversation with the girls. 或者 only with JJ because Garcia seems rather… well… cheerful and very well occupied with a ladybug.
“What the hell happened? And where we are?” She turns to the blond agent.
“Well… We, as in you, Garcia, 摩根 and me, managed to drag out the others for a drink.”
A drink. Well, that’s certainly explains the headache and the nausea that’s beginning to overtake her.
“Are 你 alright?” JJ asks her concerned when Emily’s color changes considerably.
“Yeah, yeah. And why are we here?”
“That’s a good question. We were sitting in that bar for, I don’t know, quite a long time when Hotch suddenly stood up and declared that he was going home. I think that after that it was Morgan’s idea that it was too early to go home, at least alone, so we packed up with alcohol and went after Hotch.”
At this Emily looks around confused. She knows that she’s already reached the conclusion that she wasn’t 首页 but now she also has to consider the fact that she isn’t at Hotch’s place, either.
“Apparently Hotch didn’t really know where to go because he lives in the other direction.” JJ gives the account of the 前一个 night giggling. “So here we are!”
“In a park? In the middle of the city?” Emily asks incredulously looking around again seeing Garcia crawling in the 草 speaking to somebody. Sorry… something.
“Well… there was that police officer sometime around 1:30…” JJ tells her friend whose eyes begin to bulge out of her head. “Don’t worry!” She quickly adds. “Hotch told him that we were FBI and that we were investigating a series of murders which happened in that park.”
“And he bought it?” Emily asks amazed. She can’t decide which is the 更多 ridiculous. Hotch telling this to an officer 或者 the officer believing it. She knows that she isn’t on the 最佳, 返回页首 at the moment but she wouldn’t believe it, either.
“Oh, first he didn’t but then Rossi came up and told him a secret. He revealed that we were on an undercover mission trying to catch the killer.” JJ explains to Emily matter-of-factly and that’s the first time that she seems to the older agent as if she has been drinking, too. Emily has to smile but it comes out as a wince. Her headache is damn persistent.
She closes her eyes for a 秒 and when she opens them again she can see Garcia poking a figure lying not so far away. Emily can’t say for sure from this position but he doesn’t seem either of the guys.
“And who is that?” She asks JJ.
“I don’t know…” She shrugs looking at the sleeping figure. “…but he has a great ass… and he’d got a bottle of wine with him.”
“He is Paul… 或者 Peter?” Garcia apparently heard them because she is quick to answer. “No. It’s Patrick.” At least to try to answer. “Parker? Dunno… Something beginning with L.” And with that she leaves the mysterious guy alone going on to another unconscious figure. Emily follows her with her eyes and then she sees it. She blinks once 或者 twice but the image before her doesn’t want to disappear. Well, if nothing, that scene in front of her sure is enough to make her swear not to drink again. Ever.
“Hm… JJ? What are Hotch and Rossi doing in their underwears sprawled on each other?” She is not sure she wants to know, though.
JJ just looks at the direction of the two senior members of the team and breaks out laughing.
“Oh, yeah… that was really funny. 你 really don’t remember?” Emily just shakes her head. She shouldn’t have… “They got jealous of Derek after he had 迷失 his shirt. 你 really don’t remember?”
“JJ, the last thing I remember is sitting in the BAU.”
“That’s a shame.” She is shaking her head in disbelief. “You missed the best night of your life.”
Now Emily is really feeling nauseous. She hates being wasted. It’s not enough that she had somehow teleported from the BAU into a public park but she surely managed to embarrass herself in front of her friends, too. That’s just great!
“But don’t worry, I’ll tell 你 everything.” JJ ensured her friend enthusiastically. “It was hilarious!” Emily can’t do anything but bury her face into her hand with a groan. “So 你 managed to take off Morgan’s 衬衫 and, well, all of us, I mean the girls and maybe the creepy guy there, were drooling over his extremely well-built torso. Well, 你 did literally so… but the guys took it hard so they began to compete who had the best upper body. Poor Reid accepted failure but Rossi and Hotch ended up in a cockfight in their underwear. I think it lasted for quite some time because they finally ended up like that. I think we can declare a draw… for the 秒 place. If 你 ask me, 摩根 is the absolute winner. Too bad that he wasn’t interested in the fight… 你 had all his attention.”
Emily tried really hard to concentrate on what JJ was talking about but when she reached to the part of her taking off Morgan’s shirt, she completely 迷失 her… and now she is sitting with her face buried in her hands not daring to look up.
“What did I do?” She asks desperately in a muffled voice.
“Don’t worry, Emily.” JJ strokes her back soothingly. “You were cute and at least it turned out that Derek has the hots for you.”
Emily slowly raises her head unbelief written all over her face… and she finds herself face to face with an idiotically grinning Garcia.
“My 浓情巧克力 God of All Goodness has found his China Doll.” She tells her in a sing-song voice but suddenly she starts to whimper. “I’m so happy for both of you, Cupcake!” She says then crushes Emily’s head to her chest hugging her with everything she has… but suddenly Garcia rushes off again giggling. Emily thinks that she’s after a 蝴蝶 but she can’t be sure as her head is killing her again.
She lies back on her back and looks left. She quickly realizes that it was a huge mistake as the forms of an almost naked Hotch and Rossi get into her vision. She turns to the right then and she gasps in horror. She shots upright pale as a ghost. The nausea doesn’t help her, either.
“Oh my God… JJ… Tell me that’s not my bra in Morgan’s hand.”
“God, Emily! 你 are really screwed!” JJ tells her bemused.
“I can’t believe it!” Emily mumbles under her breath. She is seriously thinking about digging a huge hole right there and burying herself into it. Yes. That would be the best thing to do.
“Shall I tell 你 what happened?” JJ asks her enthusiastically.
“No!” Emily almost screams than winces in pain.
JJ looks really sad for a moment but then she brightens up and turns to face Emily completely.
“You began to play that bottle thing. 你 know when 你 are sitting in a 圈, 圈子 and spin the bottle and when it stops 你 have to 吻乐队（Kiss） the guy who is sitting on the other end of it.” JJ explains chattily to Emily who is really wishing for the Earth to 吞, 燕子 her… 或者 for a toilet 座位 to fall from the 太空 and drop on her… “Well, if 你 are lucky, that is. Once I had to 吻乐队（Kiss） a girl… But that’s not the point here… And there were just the two of 你 anyway… So 你 were playing this game… I think 你 got bored with our game of ‘Never’… so anyway… 你 were spinning, kissing, spinning, 接吻 and so on and after a time they began to simply make out… My God, 你 were completely on each other… And we made a bet on which clothing would be the first off… Reid won. He was so ecstatic. It was cute. Really. And Morgan… Wow… That man is a pro!” 由 this point JJ is completely in her element. “Your bra was off before we could have finished placing the bets… and he didn’t even touch your shirt.” She is completely awestruck as Emily can decipher from her tone because she can’t look her in the eye. “That was when 你 took her 衬衫 and the guys got all self-conscious… Then 由 the time those two sprawled out on each other in their haste to prove their masculinity, you’d been already snoring on the grass. Well that’s it, I think. At least that’s when Garcia and I got bored and she decided to drink up the rest of the booze. She is chasing the bugs and 蝴蝶 since then. It’s quite amazing if 你 ask me.” JJ finishes her account of the night with a shrug and a huge yawn.
“Thank God!” Emily lys back again with a sigh looking at 摩根 and praying that he won’t remember anything from the night, either. That’s when he stirs and holds her bra tighter to him.
Emily groans realizing that she has to get that bra before he wakes up. She quickly stands up… and suddenly finds herself on her butt again clutching her head. But she really has to get that bra so she decides on crawling… again… Well that seems a comfortable enough way for moving.
When she reaches Morgan, she grabs her bra and tries to extract it from his grasp. She pulls it once… twice… three times… then she begins to feel rather dizzy so she rests for a while. Then she tries again… in vain. Finally she gives up. She has no energy left.
She lies down 下一个 to the sleeping 摩根 her hands still on her bra…
As she is lying there she decides that she doesn’t give a damn about it any more…
The only thing she wants is to sleep…
But before sleep overtakes her, she swears that 下一个 time she won’t even look at anything that contains alcohol…