9 Life Lessons from 阿拉丁 

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For a career criminal (out of pure necessity, not malice, we remind you), Aladdin sure has a lot to teach us about life. Watching his movie on repeat as children taught us much more than just how to stomp around pretending to be an elephant and singing “make way for Prince Ali” at the top of our lungs, although it mostly taught us that. Now it’s your turn to genuflect/show some respect for the following life lessons from

1. If you’re going to exile someone from your kingdom, take away their magic flying carpet first.

OR ELSE THEY WILL JUST FLY BACK TO THE KINGDOM IMMEDIATELY. Did you skip Villainy 101 or what, Jafar?

…Except on the receiving end of death threats by a madman sorcerer wannabe.

They are also good at helping you do your hair. There’s no way Jasmine gets that volume all by herself.

So don’t waste them on trite things that you’re just going to override two minutes later. Seriously, Jafar, FOCUS.

6. Up your style game by finding a small monkey to match outfits with you.

This only works if the monkey is a willing party; otherwise you just look like a poorly dressed jerk.

Just because he doesn’t have diplomatic sovereignty doesn’t mean he can’t still be a nice guy.

Genie sings a whole song about this, so it’s extra true.

9. If a shady character leads you to a magical cave and tells you not to touch anything, you should most likely listen.

As a corollary: make sure your stylish monkey friend is a good listener.

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