Lord, can I please just give up?
(WARNING: this is a rant, so I apologize for the mild cussing. I tried not to....)
For the past 2 years (well, almost 2 years), I have dealt with stress and depression. And I've just about had enough of it. Wanna know why?
On Jan 31st 2013 (the 日 I curse so much), my beloved dog left this world, and left me behind. Now I know that to you, he may not seem like it, but he was very important to me. When I was growing up, I barely had any human friends, and all I had was Duji (my dog). I had him for 13 years, and he's gone now. I don't understand.... how does anyone go on living without the one the loved most? I never knew it at the time, but Duji held me together when my life sucked. That dog was the one thing that kept me going--he gave me a reason to live. And now, I can't keep myself together anymore! I just can't! I wanna live my life, and do things--cuz I have been told that "Duji wouldn't want 你 to be sad"--but it's so freakin' HARD! Doesn't anyone understand? Do 你 have any idea what it feels like to have your only reason for living to be TAKEN from you?
And you'd think that as much as I believe in Jesus, I would probably be 更多 stable, but I'm not. If 你 saw me, I would appear to have it altogether, but I honestly don't. I wanna work on my stories, but half the time I can't concentrate on anything--nothing accept the pain.
I've come to the end of my road, and I have no clue where to go anymore. I figure, whats the damn point of being alive? Why the hell was I even PUT here? I hate this world anyway.